Teenage Wasteland

Fe-mullet Cashier Lady: "wait Sherry, wait take that back out.....no not that.....the cold medicine"
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Sherry (the bagging girl): "why?"
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Fe-mullet Cashier Lady: "I have check it and then re-scan it"
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Sherry: "what happened, was the price wrong?"
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Fe-mullet Cashier Lady: "No, it needs to be checked cause I have to verify that he's 18"
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Sherry: "you need to be 18 to buy medicine now?"
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Fe-mullet Cashier Lady: "Yeah, kids abuse medicine to get high I guess. Sounds like fun huh? "
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S. Vincent : "That's ironic because when I feel like having fun......... I abuse kids"
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................awkward silence.............

This post written while listening to: Voxtrot "Firecracker"

Storms a brewin'!

I meant to write this post yesterday. The Hudson Valley/Po-Vegas region was supposed to get pounded with snow and the much anticipated Mitchell Report involving the baseball steroid issue was going to come out. So there was a literal and figurative "storm" on the horizon.

We all know I love snow storms and more than the snowstorm, the people who freak out about the snow storms. This is a little confusing for anyone but me to understand, but when comes to inclimate weather I always think of one statement made by my co-worker regarding our office bathroom, which has a scary appearance to the untrained eye.

"Oh Man, don't go in there or your ASS WILL FALL OFF!"

Co-workers and guests discuss the bathroom with a mythical lore as though it was some kind of Rob Zombie come to life movie. You have to see him say it, cause thats what adds the extra funny to the statement, but I can never get it out of my head when it comes to over-exagerations regarding anything. The bathroom is very small, has a scary clown picture in it, is painted a weird color of blue, has cracked ugly vinyl tiles, and a pull chain light. But it is clean and the toilet flushes.

However, I went home early cause I will take any excuse to go home early. I still don't have a monitor at the home base, so this post didn't get done on time. I haven't really missed the monitor till that day when there was literally nothing I could do but take a nap and wash some dishes. All the gyms in the area closed early so I couldn't get my evening workout in. That always makes me antsy, so I ended up driving around actually. It kept the snow from building on my car and gave me something interesting to do. I drove past the movie theatre but there was only a handful of cars and I wasn't convinced that they were open.

How much of my christmas shopping have I done? Zero. Most disturbing is that unlike the past christmasses where I have procrastinated on this; I have no idea what to get anyone on my list. Suggestions of plain ol' awesome things under 150 bucks would be greatly appreciated.

I was looking at one of my new favorite internet obsessions and came up with a very appropriate lifestyle card for me and Grzy; My partner in human rights and society crimes.

This post written while listening to: Rogue Wave "Lake Michigan"

Death of a Legend...

This has been coming for a long time, but that doesn't mean you could be prepared for it at anytime. She survived countless parties, close calls, storms, heavy burdens, cold winters, stifling summers, reckless NYC drivers, and slow-going senior citizens with no regard for life or society.

She was imperfect from day one. Her sound system didn't work and wouldn't work, her cell phone technology was outdated almost immedeatly, her air suspension was downright dangerous, her headlights collected moisture, and her tires and drivers seat were recalled. She would nag you incessently when your gas tank dipped below half a tank that she was "LOW ON FUEL!!!!"

Her radiator thermostat broke on a 10 hour trip back from Canada, but she protected me on a fog out at 90mph at 3am on the way to Canada. She got a flat tire on the way to the gym during the hottest day of the summer, but her heavy studded tires saved me from numerous snow banks while racing to the gym in Nor'easters. Her over-flared fenders got cracked on my building driveway, but she survived getting backed into by over anxious rowers without a scratch.

Her death was unceremonious considering her life. She did not die slamming into the back of yet another senior citizen taking 30 seconds to make a right hand turn. She did not die crashing through a chain that boathouse security leaves up. She did not die spinning out of control on an snowy road. She did not die while redlining to outrun a state trooper or on a cold rainy evening with a attractive female riding shotgun and Jeff Buckely on the radio.

She died pulling out of a parking space.....

Just one trip too many on the ol' wheels I guess. The wheels were asked to turn to straighten out on the gym parking lot, and the wheels said "no mas" with a steely gunfire crack. She would not drive one more foot.

The doctors put her down this monday.

So there will be no more shouting profanities at school children on hot september days because the AC doesn't work. No more chuckling at stop lights while people try to figure out "what the hell that rattling sound is". No more free oakley advertising and no more excuses for "taking your car". No more staring at the constant "Check Engine" light, or talking to potential terrorist to get a NYS inspection sticker.

She sure lived up to the Ford "Exploder" stereo-type. Even though she gave me nothing but grief, it is said that Henry Ford would give you no grief that you couldn't bare. So maybe I deserved all the trouble that she gave me, but I certainly gave her more than she could handle in return.

So I win, but I will miss that biotch.......

This post written while listening to: Yeah Yeah Yeahs "Maps"

Save the Planet, Kill Yourself

I saw this on a bumper sticker the other day. I am not a big fan of putting a political/funny message on a car, but if I had to pick one for my own car, this would be it. It's more complex than its harsh exterior. First; "Kill Yourself" is one of my favorite statements from college. It can be used in a variety of situations. Like "dude" or "f$ck", it depends on its inflection.

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It can be used to express apathy at a friends situation; "I just realized I have to buy 500 dollars worth of books" "oh man, kill yourself".

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It can also be used in a situation to poke fun at a friends light-hearted misfourtune;"I was walking home from the library, and I got stuck talking to that annoying girl I made out with last weekend" "hahaha, kill yourself".

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It can also be used to express frustration with someone (usually a peer) "That guy was blabbering on and on about his cool car and these girls he met, and the entire time I was thinking, dude, kill yourself"

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But this bumper sticker tags "Kill Yourself" along with a common political tag line. "Save the Planet" is usually followed by a certain action that the possesor of the sticker feels is the most important way to save said planet, i.e. buy Organic, don't eat meat, plant a tree, impeach bush, ride a bike, etc etc etc.

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Does the possessor of the kill yourself sticker believe that killing oneself is a way to save energy, and reduce waste? That would be a true statement. Less people means less waste and less of a demand for energy. Or, is the possessor of the sticker asking those who make political statements regarding thier views on saving the planet to kill themselves? They are rather annoying and usually posses an attitude that they are "holier than thou". Or; is the possessor a genocidal maniac who would like nothing more than the extinction of the entire human race but himself in order to have eternal peace and the entire world would be his personal space to do with as he please? People; political or not, annoy this person and he would like nothing better for them all to die, but by the means of killing themselves, so he doesn't have to get his hands or conscience dirty.

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There are so many different interpretations as you can see. But the reason I would like it, is that I like to be outrageous for the sake of being outrageous, and confusing for the sake of being confusing. Plus, most of the time I am driving I am in an angry "kill yourself" mode anyway........so that's that.

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I was feeling slightly guilty, but I have not been the only one not posting as much this time of year. My RSS feeder has been surprisingly inactive this time of year. I think it's because us bloggers are attention whores. Unfourtunatly, we are also nerds who are ignored by our loved ones on a daily basis except for one time of the year.......Thanksgiving to New Years. The time when our loved ones reach out to all members of the family based on guilt or keeping a facade of happy times. Even us Rudolphs get called back to be a part of the family reindeer games......till January 2nd anyway.

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Us bloggers will be back then, when winter is at its finest hour and we are depressed and fat and lonely and in need of a little attention. So hang in there internet surfers, the waves may be small, but the ocean is always at it calmest just before the storm.......

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This post written while listening to: "ageless beauty" -Stars

the difference between intelligent and experienced

S.Vincent: (said to 35 year old buddy) Yo, you tryin to steal my woman?

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Big T: Ha, oh you and her have potential huh? (in regards to 30 something year old girl he just finished chatting with)

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S.Vincent: heck yeah.....well, I have lots of potential everywhere I go, but I was just kidding anyway. Besides, I think shes 10% normal and 90% psycho so............ she's all yours.

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Big T: How did you graduate college without knowing that they are all 100% psycho?

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the names have been changed to protect the innocent mack daddy

It's all about the Benjamin's baby

Forgot to post this sweet picture of me and the Grzylle with Ben Franklin from a couple of weekends ago. I asked him to acknowledge me as one of his many illegitamate relatives, but he denied knowing me. That wiley old bastard!

BOO!.............bees

It's Halloween kiddies so drink lots of water, brush your teeth, and wash your elastic waist band pants for tomorrow's bulge. It seems as though my advocation for pumpkin day has gone over swimmingly, and like other major holidays in this country, started 2 months before the day actually comes. This does not upset me in the slightest, because I love me some pumpkin goodies!

The good news is; we still have one more month to officially enjoy pumpkin treats and a few days after that to wrestle each other for the pumpkin leftovers! Better start getting in fighting shape, cause after pumpkin day, we have a whole month of disgusting egg nog, peppermint and fruit cakes. Christmas has the worst foods associated with it. In fact, I would start a movement to call it the "crappy treats day we pretend to like so we don't get accused of being scrooges for hating these holiday treats" but that might upset de Jesus for re-naming his birthday, and I got enough issues. Plus, I'd need a shorter name.

Anyway, this post is not about Pumpkin Day. I know; it's confusing because the symbol for halloween is a carved pumpkin and thus is a closely tied symbol for the holiday.

But consider this; ...you usually do not consume a mass amount of pumpkin on this day, ...you consume mass amounts of candy!

And that, my sugar coated nerds, is what this post is about.... the day in which we all wish we were 9 again so we could get sick on candy and not get a lecture from our peers about being an "adult." You know what I am talkin about......you have enough money now to buy endless candy and are very happy about not having to dress up like a giant vampire turd in order to get it. However, your real life Jimminy Cricket is whispering in your ear about how that is inappropriate at your age. You are in a glass case of emotion!

Unfourtunatly Luke, I am not here to guide you through this. For you know the path which you must choose based on how much you value percieved standards of maturity and how your actions will affect that. I only care about your happiness, so I am here to talk about candy, specifically, my favorite candy.......cause it's my blog Luke and if you don't like what I write you can take 2 light sabers and stick em in your........nevermind

THE TOP 5!!

1) Mini Reese's Cups: I love chocolate and peanut butter. I would eat a chocolate and peanut butter flavored cigarette butt. I would say more, but I feel there are not enough words to describe how much I love to combination of these two things. I bet Mr. Reese's had like 14 playboy model wives and could beat up a platoon of trained army rangers carrying a automatic rifles and machetes. That's how awesome he is. I like this format of Reese's the best. Why? Because they are pop-able and I like things that are individually wrapped. I also like the super big cups too, but it's more stealth to pop one of these bad boys in, then to get caught enjoying a hockey puck sized cup and have to deal with all the associations of someone who unabashidly consumes things this size.

2) Whatchamacallit: This is a highly under-rated candy. Let me break it down. It's a peanut butter and rice crispy base with a light layer of caramel on the top, then covered in milk chocolate. I don't understand why more people do not love this candy, it's delicious. Maybe they are scared of it's weird name and by the fact that they were too lazy to come up with a proper name.

3)Swedish Fish: I don't know why they are swedish, I don't know why they are fish, and I don't know why they get latched onto my teeth like tar. But, I don't care because they are delicious. Once again, I like the smaller ones rather than the larger ones, and they HAVE to be the actual swedish fish brand. There are lots of imposters out there, and they suck at copying recipies.

4) Milky Way Midnight: I like this combo better because I think the softer caramel specific to milky way works better with the sharper chocolate taste that is found in dark chocolate. Also, the nougat is more vanilla-y flavored. Plus, I like the imposing/exotic name. Makes me feel all warm inside

5) Tootsie Rolls: I know I am going against most of society on this one, but I really like tootsie rolls for some reason. It's chocolate without the phlegm I think. Probably the reason why I really like yoo-hoo as well. Plus, they get bonus points for being individually wrapped. I also like the fruit flavored ones (also under-rated candy) that have the very delicious vanilla flavor

Honorable Mention: Peanut M&M's, Reese's Fast Break, Butterfinger Crisp, Almond Snickers, Mellocreme Pumpkins, Starburst, Chewy Sweet Tarts

THE BOTTOM 5

1) Necco Wafers: Seriously, what the f__ are these things? They are like hosts from church with sugar on top of them. I guess there are supposed to be flavors to them cause they are different colors, but to me they all taste the same flavor of awful. This is the same company that manufactures those valentines message hearts which also taste like crap. Those are used better as a way to make a little extra money selling them as ecstasy to 14 year olds, than as candy

2) Mary Janes: Peanut butter road tar. You can't chew em and the supposed flavor of peanut butter is negotiable at best. It's more like peanut butter mixed 50-50 with glue. They are also made by Necco Co. Which officially makes the worst candy in the world!

3) Junior Mints: I have a real problem eating mint. I can chew mint, I can suck on mint, but I don't like to eat mint. It always makes me think of swallowing my toothpaste or mouthwash. I know this is an individual issue, but I also don't like mint chocolate chip ice cream, or thin mint girl scout cookies.

4) Black Licorice: Seriously, how does anybody like this. I have tried it a few times to see if maybe it is an acquired taste, but its not. It tastes like what I imagine motor oil and sugar mixed togethor tastes like.

5) Black and Orange Mystery: You probably know what I am talking about. I think they give bags of this stuff out free to anyone over 65 at the grocery store. Individually wrapped peices of sterilization drugs I think. They don't even try to hide it with a good flavor, they actually make it taste like you are harming your insides by eating it. Unfourtunatly, I could not attach a picture of it because most people throw them back at the givers of it. Just know that it looks like taffy and is wrapped in black and orange peices of wax paper.

This post written while listening to: Jimmy Eat World "Big Casino"

you can't row away from your past

I think everyone has a story of embarrassment that you hate to hear re-told. Maybe it's not even all that embarrassing of a situation to anyone else, but its one of those stories that particularly haunts you and makes you embarrassed and angry all over again because of the details at that time. It's like that situation just happened a few minutes ago all over again.

Here is my story that got retold this past weekend. I have to swallow this story about once a year, but first; the reason why it gets retold is because it is the first real impression between me and my first rowing coach in middle school who I run into from time to time. It's probably his favorite story about me, and it's not embarrassing for him, but I HATE it.

A rowing brush up for you.....I was a "coxswain" for my first year of rowing. This means I was in charge of steering the boat and executing motivation and race plans for the rowers, not, actually pulling the oars. If you have no idea what rowing is, you should move on to your next blog....

I always wanted to be a rower, I hated the thought of not being a puller of the boat. However, my desire to be a part of the team period, led me to the coxswain seat due to my size. I really had no idea what I was doing, which is not unusual cause this was my first year doing the sport, plus I was 13, which means I had no idea how to do anything at all besides turn on the TV. So you can imagine that a 13 year old would have lots of trouble steering a 60 foot pencil down the river and finding something to say for 8 minutes to inspire people to do something that he himself was not doing.

There was competition for this seat between myself and a guy who was the coxswain last year who was starting to get too big to be in the seat. The thought of him conjures up the most vicious thoughts imaginable in me, criminal thoughts with sick descriptive profanities. For the sake of somewhat high class literature, we'll call him derelict scumbag. One of those kids in school that was probably abused as a child and acting out in mean ways but with enough of a brain to do it with some scary talent. He was not enthused at the thought of me taking his spot.

When it came down to race time, it was decided I would race and he would be one of the rowers, and this is where the story begins.....

The whole season up to this point, and although he had never done anything specifically asshole-ish to me, I knew that he didn't like me. However, the week before the race, he was actually trying to help me, surprisingly. He was giving me tips and pointers on what to say and how to pick a line. I didn't necessarily like him yet, but I began to trust his judgement, and was no longer wary of him. The rationale being that he was in the boat so he wanted it to go well, and would help out his teammate. We are after all......in the same boat.

The night before the race, our coach took me out to dinner with the coxswain of the other boat to get us alone so we could focus on what the plan was going to be for tomorrow. He had a ton of information and I was overwhelmed. Appropriately so, because there are a million things to think about for each one of the million of scenarios that can possibly happen in a race involving first timers. It's much like learning how to drive a car for 2 months, then being entered in a rally-car race. But, somewhere in that speech was most likely this advice "stay positive at all times, cause in this race, anything can happen" I probably didn't hear that as well as I should have cause that's what comes naturally to me. I am painfully, and sometimes to my detriment, positive at all times.

Race day comes and we go out for our warm-up run. I ran with the derelict scumbag to listen to his last minute pointers. One thing he said that made sense to me at the 13 year old time of my life was "if we get behind, go ahead and swear at us and tell us that we suck and if we don't pull harder we'll lose, it'll get us angry and we'll pull harder"

I know, I know, stupidity defined right there. However, I was literally shaking I was so nervous, and in a shrewed kind of way, that made sense. Think football battle, drill Sergeant, type logic in motivating young men to fight in a war. I was thinking "I need to be aggressive, I need to rise to another level to win this race"

So we go down the course, and we lost by a little bit. It was upsetting, but that's the way it goes sometimes. The worst part was yet to come.....the rowers told the coach what I was saying during the race, and guess who was leading the revolt? Your good buddy and mine, mr. derelict scumbag.

Needless to say, the coach was not happy. He had spent all that time the night before with me in which he specifically said, remain positive. Did it matter or did he care that the derelict scumbag had sabotaged me? No, and if I was in his position, I wouldn't care either. It's common sense to listen to your coach over a derelict scumbag.

I had a made a fool of myself and did something specifically against my values and likely cost my team a race (doubtful in real life, if they were more talented than the other crew, they would have won despite words that were coming out of my mouth, but it's the principle of the thing) I had done the one thing a coxswain shouldn't do, and acted like a total embarrassing idiot Plus, the most important thing was that I had been tricked by a scumbag who was going to get away with it. My ass was totally out in the wind and I was the one who put it there just because some derelict scumbag told me to.

So, that's the story of S.Vincent's very first race. It gets told every time s.vincent and his first coach are in public. You should stop by and hear it sometime, it goes over with a big hearty laugh. he he ha ha ho ho, FUCK!

This post written while listening to: Bloc Party "I Still Remember"

clear eyes, full hearts, CAN'T LOSE!

I have been storing up all kinds of good blog ideas for you guys, but since my brain has less substance than half a packet of instant oatmeal, I think this will be an underwhelming experience for you.

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I will admit to being distracted from blogging regularly by NBC.com. They have sucked me into watching full episodes of the office and friday night lights while I work, instead of filling the internet with my stories of poop, homeless people, and personal despair. To that effect, I have been entranced by the free episode offerings and could not resist watching them while at work. I wonder how many jobs NBC will have terminated thanks to their gratuity?

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It's officially Autumn as of yesterday, the temprature stayed under 60 degrees here for the whole day, and S.Vincent officially turned on his heat for the first time. Therefore, please break out your jackets, candy corn, and leaf rakes. Also, be advised that the leaf peepers will soon be all over the Hudson Valley, spending money on useless tours, and gushing over "the colors". They will also drive 10mph under the speed limit and be oblivious to any sort of real society, besides the society of douchebags. Congratulations leaf peepers, you're still not colorblind, now go back to your leaf-less towns before I turn you upside down in my garbage can.

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Why does breast cancer get so much attention over the other cancers? Why do they get an official color and month? It's sexist! Whats the color for colon cancer and stomach cancer and testicle cancer and lung cancer? What month is leukemia month? Where can I donate to prostate cancer by buying yogurt? Just because they have a cute color and are sex symbols doesn't mean that they should get anymore attention then cancers common to men. Sure, maybe my colon isn't as attractive as your breasts, but having cancer in it will kill me just the same.

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I tried to get into my house using the remote unlock for the car. I am not joking you. In fact, when it didn't work, I pushed it again. This is how tired I am.

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I nearly killed myself and/or others 3 times in the past 3 days. Once in the car, once in my coaching launch, and then once in my single scull. I won't go into details cause they were scary, but stay away from me till I go a day without being 3 seconds away from death. I will let you know when the coast in clear.

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The S.Vincent opinion on the Yankees in 45 seconds or less. 1) Alex Rodriguez is not necessary to keep. He may be an MVP, but he has proven unable to win championships by himself. Not surprisingly its still the best team wins the championship every year, not the best player. Evidenced by the past 100 world series winning teams. Therefore, although a fantastic player, he is worth only 1 million or 2 more than any other player in the league. If he is not available for that price, let him go where he chooses. Joe Torre can be let go, I don't think its a good idea to do so, but I also don't think its a bad idea to try out Joe Girardi, who is the best choice for the job by far. DUH, he was the manager of the year in 2006. Mattingly is not ready quite yet. Anyway, I go back and forth on Joe every 10 minutes, so don't ask me. There are 2 necessary people to bring back....Jorge and Mo. Jorge was the best catcher in the AL this season, and Mo has invaluable qualities to all the relievers in that bullpen as a coach and can still bring the heat as one of the few automatic closers in baseball.

Go Indians!

This post written while listening to: Smashing Pumpkins "That's the way (my love is)"

One of the many things I need to have......like, NOW

I found this video on Geekologie, and like a blank keyboard, its one of those things I just need to have. I would be tooting this thing 24/7. I'm not much of a horn honker on the roads. Usually I am just a roll down the window and let out a loud "coaching on the hudson river voice" perverse profanity. Which may or may not be next to an elementary school that is being let out of class ......Like last week.

Anyway, tell me you wouldn't love to have this......

So much to blog about, so little multi-tasking ability

I didn't want to let another 2 weeks sneak by without getting a post in. The strange thing about being a blogger is that you never get to stop being one. When more than 2 days goes by without blogging, it's not as though I forget about it completely or when something interesting happens, I don't come crashing back to the fact that I haven't written anything in a while. Blogging has become a permanent part of me, just like my 22 inch biceps. ho ho ha ha. Anyway, I don't want any of the faithful to think that just because I am not blogging, that I am not suffering thinking about blogging, its just that I am too much of a simpleton to handle that many things at once. I think most people who seriously blog feel the same way. Their procrastination list is one item larger. I did vow not to let it happen during this busy time of year like last year, so I am valiantly making myself churn out another humdinger of a post.

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What have I been doing you ask? Well....."a bunch of things," I answer. I have been rowing from 5AM to 6:30 AM in an attempt to keep my rowing career intact, which was going swimmingly (that's an un-truthful pun, if rowing is going well I would not be doing any kind of swimming, but I like the raucous grammatical and syntax chaos that is YFYB) until I got sick in the early part of last week. I have also been trying to have some kind of social life on the weekend when people demand it of me and when I am not racing in said rowing boat. Thus, my copious amount of free time has been reduced significantly since the first of September. My weekends of 10 hour sleep fests, house cleaning, and movies on TV have been removed completely for the next 2 months. Good thing I am so good at being productive........if it was opposites day.

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I never get sick. Which isn't really true, cause I am right now, but it is such a rare occurrence that I am giving myself that title. Anyway, I tried to find some medicine in the pharmacy, and that made my head hurt more. There was so many different kinds, I think that by the time I made a decision on which cold medicine to pick, my sickness was gone. I can understand the free-market economics of there being more than one brand of cold medicine, but why does each of the 30 different brands have 30 different formulas for the same symptoms? I decided to just lay on the floor and lick myself till someone came to save me and give me something and push me out the door so I wouldn't have to pick myself and I can blame the lack of the medicines effectiveness on them. Surely, I would never be so careless as to pick the medicine that helped my fever, but not my emphysema cough. Stupid stock boy.

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I also like to whine about being sick to anyone, including un-knowing Internet blog browsers. I understand this trait to be unpleasant, but how would you know how heroic I was in not missing any work or training, if I didn't tell you how sick I was?

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The other morning, I lost one of my contact lenses while I was rowing. I always forget that I am blind till I lose one, and I come to a crashing and very very sad realization. No seriously, I am blind, and I also have some cataracts as well. If my eyes get any worse, then I can't wear contacts anymore because they don't make them that strong. I also have a family history of a detached retna, so I am slowly getting comfortable to the possibility of using a white cane. Once again, I am allergic to dogs, and I like non-lethal sword fighting, so the white cane is perfect for my lifestyle. I would have to use "the force" for these fights, but I am confident in my ability to whoop Sith and non-sith ass.

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Anyway, the row home was not fun at all and I began to feel a bit nauseous from the disorientating focus. I did not crash into anything, but it was only because nothing else is out at 5AM besides us crazies. I also would like to blame miss diminutive training partner for making fun of my headlight that I (used to) wear and thus making me self conscious and thus dangerous behind the oars. She won't laugh so hard when I am dead! or when I give her a "soaking wet from cold river water" hug.
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During this busy season, S.Vincent is looking for a house cleaner/personal chef/ laundry do-er to work for kisses. Preferably female with a full set of teeth. Please send resume with picture to svclarke@hotmail.com
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This post written while listening to: Nine Inch Nails "Vessel"

S.Vincent on the job.....

funny, creepy, or odd?

I tried to think of the most accurate term to describe an observation I had the other evening at the gym.

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For those who don't know, I am a member of the legendary Gold's Gym franchise. Or should I say, once legendary, for being the birth place of modern body-building. Now, Gold's gym is just barely tolerable as opposed to the other gyms in town which are adult versions of Chucky Cheese.

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That said, the bathrooms are not personalized by the members. They are no different then the bathrooms at the movie theatre, gas station, or McDonald's. Therefore, there is never any reading material in the bathrooms......or should I say......there never WAS.

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On my Tuesday session, an edition of Seventeen Magazine was sitting shotgun to the toilet. That's right, a Seventeen Magazine. My gut reaction was laughter. I love anything out of the ordinary when it comes to group dynamics. The naked guy at the party? Gets a high five from me. The kid who makes the sudden fart noises during class? Gets a high five from me. The guy who laughs during church? Gets a sign of the cross from me. The water balloon thrower who bombs the courtyard? Is me

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However, there is also a bit of creeped-outness to this discovery. Did someone understand the humor in this and place it there so everyone could get a laugh or was it some pervert doing pervert things with it? It should also be said that this magazine is not one of the many magazine the gym keeps on hand for people to distract themselves on the elliptical. I know this because those have un-removable sweat guards on them, while this magazine was as rambunctiously free as its target audience.

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I decided that the event was all 3 terms; funny, creepy, and odd. A trifecta! That said, I'll take one or all of those things that makes any of the 100 pee-trips I make per day unique.

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The picture above the toilet at work still takes the cake. This is still the creepiest picture I have ever seen and it faces me as I pee. I think one day I am going to steal it and keep it in my bathroom at home. Here is the picture, don't stare for a longer duration then it take to pee, I think it may steal pieces of your soul to provide itself energy to exist outside of hell.........

This post written while listening to: Bruce Springsteen "Radio Nowhere"

Yo Paulie! Your sistah's at ma place!

I've never been a picky person about my hair. I am not a polished type of person. Clean? well yeah....most of the time, but my grandpa always says "you can't shine shit" and the same applies to me. If I go too far out of my way, I'd show more faults then I would reveal beauty.

I am surprised everyday that I haven't shaved it all off yet. I think its because I am aware of the fact that my huge nose and ears would grow 2x as much once the hair is gone. I'd look like some kind of newt without hair. So, I often go long periods without hair cuts. There is also some detachment between me and my hair because I am aware of destiny to lose it all to genetical baldness.

So I reluctantly headed to my local barbershop, aptly titled; "The Men's Room". Now, I hate to call this place out cause it's my only hair refuge and I do go there, but it is the first week of NFL Sunday. Pause......I'll say it again....ITS THE FIRST WEEK OF NFL SUNDAY. Therefore, at a place named "The Mens Room", the NFL should be on every one of the 8 TV's in the place. Instead, Rachel Ray was cooking a quiche on 5 of them, and Nickolodeon was on the others. I would have settled for MTV or the news over that. I hate to say things like this because it has an undertone of bias, but there is a gay guy with a shaved head, a mid 40's woman, and one dude who I have never seen before and pretty sure its his first week there. He also has a shaved head. But this isn't a anti gay/woman thing, this is a business thing. So, lets have a culture of manliness in a place called "The Mens Room" which caters to the hair-care of men exclusively. The personality of the barbers should not come before the expectations of the customers. You get big boobs at hooters, knights and wenches at medievil times, dorks at a lan party, and football at the mens room.

So, I avoid the gay guy cause the last time I had him, he pointed out my receeding hair, as if I didn't know, and then proceeded to pretty much shave my head "cause shorter hair is better to hide balding" even though I didn't ask for it at all. The woman had a guy already, so I got the guy who was on his first week in the shop.

Now, I am always scared to have a new guy cut my hair. Plus, as a barber, you don't instill tons of confidence in me with your ability to manage hair, when you purposely take off all of your own. This guy looked like you cousin Paulie from Statin Island who did 6 months in the clink for a fake credit card scam, and he smelled faintly of a little B.O. and a hard Saturday night out. For some reason, I did not run out of there, I tend to give anyone who breathes air at least one chance to not screw me over. So I told him how I wanted it done, he stared at me blankly, and I sat down in the chair, and gripped the arm rests like I was getting a cavity filled at the dentist, rather than a standard haircut.

Things started off slowly using the scissors. No cause for alarm yet, except he was thumping my skull like he was testing a cantelope and pulling my hair like he was shucking corn. He was pulling more of my hair out, then he was cutting it, but he was proceeding along ok so far. He was really taking his time, and I began to have a lot of faith in him, cause I could tell he was going to give my hair his A effort. In the middle, I was feeling real good. He was working the scissors well, he was balancing it well, and he wasn't taking off tons of hair. Then.....he tried to work the top just a leeeeetttttllllllee bit more......

All hell did not break loose, he screwed it up a little bit, but it wasn't quite as good as he had it before he started. 16 bucks and a tender scalp later, I have a haircut that I am going to be messing with for 10 mins every morning so I don't look like I have a cesear cut.

This post written while listening to: Stellastarr* "In the Walls"

is it racist to say Indian Summer?

A little warning from your friendly neighberhood S.Vincent that the end summer is near. For the students, teachers, and parents out there it may appear that it is already over because school is back in session. A tragedy of a corrupt system!
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I have lobbied for several years for a social revoloution in regards to the perception that summer is over when classes start. I feel this illusion of the end of summer fun and the start of fall misery is an unfair principle put in place by the un-bearable "education and family" facists who believe their lives, which revolve around being in a prison of commitment and ideals, should apply to all of humanity. Well, I have got news for you facists; the calender, earth, God, and weather all say summer isn't over till the 23rd of September. Therefore, there is still plenty of time to have fun in the nice weather, go on a vacation, sit in the park eating delicious sandwiches, drive with the top down, watch baseball during the day, wear flip flops, and not give a general damn. Personally, I have a problem with anyone who thinks they are holier than thou, but whose life goals only really apply September to May. If their ideals held any real substance, they would be working on them full time, but thats another complaint for another day.
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So.....get out there and live it up for another 3 weeks. "Summer isn't over till its over, ya miserable facists!" I'm not entirely sure why the term "Indian Summer" is applied to summer weather that lasts into the fall, but I like to think it's because the Native Americans were intuitive enough to know that summer was over when it stopped being hot outside, rather than when some jerk-off told them summer was over.
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This message brought to you by supporters of S.Vincent for Emperor '08
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This post written while listening to: Stereophonics "Dakota"

No Gurlz allowed

Reason's why S.Vincent will most likely be single forever....

1) The 2 month salary I would be spending on your engagment ring is 2500 dollars. Your mother and friends would cry out of despair at the sight of it, instead of happiness.

2) I have more spiders in my house than cookies, candy, cakes, pastries, and chocolate combined. Number of spiders: 20 give or take, number of combined desserts: 0

3) my legs look better than yours, the jealousy will kill you

4) I am prone to random appearence changes for the worse and then refuse to change even though I don't like it either. Such as mustaches, long ugly hair, excessive tan-ness.

5) I will never care about my current vehicle so long as it runs.

6) I only floss once a week.

7) I wake up very early in the morning (5AM) and make lots of noise

8) I hate vacations lasting longer than 2 days.

9) I hate large parties, dance clubs, drinking games

10) my hair is disappearing at a rapid pace.

11) I will most likely tell you that you look fat, even if you don't

12) You will care about things like image, emotions, family, friends, money and your job. I will not

13) I have a picture of a baby skelleton as my computer background.

14) You will cry or be upset about something important and I will laugh at you........every time.

This post written while listening to: TV on the Radio "Wolf like Me"

Frankencox

"Our other coxswain wasn’t experienced enough, so we took dead coxswain body parts from the 1892 olympics, sewed em together, and hooked it to the Cox-Box battery and made this one! We call it FrankenCox!"

Let me light up the sky

Many athletes want to be musicians. Many musicians want to be actors. Many actors want to be athletes. And everyone wants to be an athlete, musician or an actor except those who already are, who just wish that they could be treated like everybody else. It's Monday people, so there's no better time to let your head spin you unconscious and hope you're revived by the time Friday rolls around
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Gym Rule: No counting your reps outloud. Heavens to betsy people. If you can't count reps silently, then you shouldn't count them at all. You should just do reps and reps till you literally die. That way I can concentrate on my own silent rep count and use the equipment that you were previously using incorrectly anyway.
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YFYB update: I am going to actually link some youtube video's to the footer section of "This post written while listening to". Previously, I linked the section to amazon.com where you could buy the album and listen to some song samples. This way you get to hear the entire song and see a cool video or two. Feel free to keep on ignoring this section. Without further ado.......

This post written while listening to: Goldfrapp "ooh la la". Its a little girly-techno, but something about the heavy bass electronics make it cool. Plus, shes pretty hot.

S.Vincent Life Update

I read a lot of blogs; this you know. There are so many entertaining formats to read depending on the strength of the writer. Most people use their blog as their "what I did today/this week" log of events. If you are a consistent reader of YFYB, you know that my daily events include the same "not interesting to anyone but me" events. Wakeup, row, eat bland food, work, nap for an hour, lift weights/hate on people, row again, eat bland food, watch tv, sleep. Not exactly white knuckle excitement for you to read about. Most people have enough self delusion to think that a recording of their day would be a hit reality show, but I am quite positive that mine is not given that the few people who have had a backstage pass to the life of S.Vincent have walked away shaking their head in confusion, decideding that doodling large spirals on a legal pad would be a more exciting experience. So YFYB is written by me for people like me, who have a little time to kill and whose attention migrates towards the distraction from daily responsibilities rather than the focus on them. (Just like it says in the title!) Therefore, most of my posts are opinions/observations on what I see in daily wanderings around PoVegas or see on TV, not what I am actually doing.

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However, sometimes I have interesting things happen to me, or should I say, the world does interesting things to me. For one, I have a new position to undertake this year, which is exciting. I am looking forward to a new approach to coaching, and am confident/happy to try something new. I am also coming up on the racing season for myself personally, and I hope to have a much more focused effort this year than last year. So far, this has been on target, and I just need to put enough hands in people faces once the school year starts and the schedule gets a little more hectic.

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Fear not constant readers, who hung tough through last years September to November YFYB blackout period in which no posting got done, I am committed this time to getting posts about all the randomness that is S.Vincent squeezing his brain like a sponge and seeing what soapy thoughts land on the pavement.

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A new vehicle will also be in the future. Eddie the Explorer is the automobile equivalent of a 45 year old Tara Reid. Lots of surgery is holding her togethor, and she can't go anywhere without guzzling 2 gallons of gasoline. I will miss him though, unlike Tara Reid. He is a big enough P.O.S that I never felt ashamed in keeping him unwashed, or punching him through red lights and rough terrain without thoughts of his safety, but to date, I have never had to worry much about him starting up or dying on me. I would park him in perrilous situations, and dared people to hit me. Tune ups were never much on my mind after a certain point either. Eddie was like an old pair of sneakers to me. In old sneakers, you never have to worry about going out in the rain, or stomping through some mud, sliding into 1st base, or kicking stones in old sneakers, and there is a easy security to knowing that. With so many things to watch over and maintain on a daily basis, it's nice to have something that requires no second thoughts as to the consequences. That was Eddie to me, I will miss him, but in order to keep him a positive memory, I have to send him on before he becomes a negative one.

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So there you go sports fans, a little biographical update on whats going on lately. At this rate of change, I'll get back to you in 2010 when enough changes have happened to me to fill another 200 word post.

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This post written while listening to: Stellastarr* "Harmonies for the Haunted"

Haters Inc.

My diminutive training partner and I are an unstoppable force. We are determined, courageous, outgoing, fierce, intense, and persevering athletes who will stop at nothing.........to make fun of you. Sure, we also work our bodies harder than anyone we have met, but that's so boring. Working our physiques is the big picture in front of us, we can't help but see where we are going with that. Making fun of you is the mustard on the turkey sandwich that is our training. Without the turkey sandwich, we would have no reason to be at the gym, but its also not fun eating a turkey sandwich without a little zesty mustard now, is it? There was a section of dialogue in one of S.Vincents 150+ favorite movies, High Fidelity, that applies to our situation in a round-about sort of way.

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enlightened friend: "now, why would you sell this record to me, and not him"
record store guys: "because you're not a geek Lewis"
Enlightened friend: "you guys are snobs man"
record store guys: "no we're not"
enlightened friend: "yeah you are, you're elitists. You feel like the un-appreciated scholars, so you shit on people who know less than you."
record store guys: "nahh"
enlightened friend: "which is everybody"
record store guys: "yeah"
enlightened friend: "just sayin"

Do we feel bad about it? Yeah........well.......she does anyway. She has more moral fiber than I do. The only fiber I have is in my delicious Muesli cereal. I just see it as the cost of doing business in Haters Inc. Feel free to submit better ideas of what to talk about besides A) ourselves B) stupid people.

Gym Rule: Besides the fact that I had to wear flip flops the other night because I forgot my sneakers completely, it is definitly a gym rule that no beach wear is allowed. I have plenty of stock in the proper gym-wear attire fund, that I can get away with one mistake. But for those of you who are unsure of the difference between sand and sun and rubber mats and flourescent lighting, there is no bathing suits, tank tops on guys, sunglasses (I've seen it, and no, not on me) flip flops, large hats, seashell necklaces (soooooo 1995), or Vans allowed.

Gym Rule: Keep your genitals off the sink. It's gross and quite disturbing to see a grown man shaving his face or washing his hands at the sink, stark naked. This also goes for using the urinal stark naked. Rule of thumb is, you should never spend more than 2 mins stark naked unless you are actually in the shower. If you can provide ANY reason why you should be doing any of these things stark naked instead of with a simple towel around your waist. Feel free to try, but till then, you are as sick and twisted as the heroine addict that pees in front of my office.

Gym Rule: The Locker Room TV is to remain on sports programming at all time Maybe I am crazy,, I consider the gym a building of athletic endeavors. It just makes sense to me. Therefore, if you even dream about turning the TV in the locker rpom from sports programming to one of your shitty politics screaming heads talk shows or financial nerd debates, you better make sure you don't do it in my presence cause the TV will be turned back instantly, and a very dirty look will be cast in your idiot direction. C-SPAN/FoxNews is for your nerd kingdom, I have enough stress without listening to that overblown crap blaring in my ears while I am enjoying myself for 1 hour a day.

YFYB update: I included a little e-mail subscription service on the fun section on the side. Its a real easy way to never miss a YFYB update. I know my thousands of subjects under the rule of my enlightened despot kingdom would appreciate that. They don't call me S.Vincent the Great for nothing ya know.

This Post written while listening to: Goldfrapp "Felt Mountain"

I know that you know that I know that you wanted to know; what my favorite movies are.

I have been working on a little list for the past couple of days of my favorite movies. I figured that the constant readers are bursting at the seams for insights into my cineamatic pallate. I started with a goal for a top 20 and figured I would write down 30 or so movies and then subtract 10 movies so I would be less likely to forget a top 20 candidate. However, the favorite movies started flowing and before I knew it, I had 50. Then, 100, then finally exhausted myself at 150+. You don't have to say anything, I can tell by the look on your avatar that you are impressed.

I don't pretend to be a film buff, I go by what has entertained/inspired/intrigued me the most. I also don't pretend that I have seen tons of movies. There are a bunch of "classic films" that I have not seen and thus could not rate. This is an honest list though, and I know it probably won't match yours. Films like Citizen Kane and Gone with the Wind, even though universally accepted as top 10 films, are not listed there on my list. I will not succomb to acadmic pressure ever! You hear me AFI!? NOT EVER!!!!! I also have certain things that I can like in movies, but I certainly have things that I refuse to like. Fake high school emotion/attitudes/situations make me sick. Party/drug movies don't tickle me either.

After the top 50, I got somewhat lazy. What this means is that for films say, number 51-60, are somewhere in that range, but I would consider moving anywhere up and down in that range. So on and so forth.

You may notice films on this list that you have not seen. In that case, S.Vincents top 150+ comes highly recommended. There is no fluff on here, I have seen each of these movies at least twice for a reason, so if you enjoy a bunch of the movies on here, chances are you will enjoy all of the movies on here. So print it out and bring it to Blockbuster or put them on your Netflix list. It's going to be quite a large post, but who doesn't love large posts? Feel free to scream with outrage on the comments section about your opinions on my list and where certain films should be ranked and which films are not on the list that you think should. Without further ado, homies.......

1.Forrest Gump
2.Rocky
3.Dances with Wolves
4.Silence of the Lambs
5.Braveheart
6.Leon (The Professional)
7.The Last of the Mohicans
8.The Usual Suspects
9.The Shawshank Redemption
10.The Godfather
11.Vision Quest
12.Without Limits
13.The Shining
14.Cast Away
15.Willie Wonka & Choc. (1978)
16.Gattaca
17.Great Expectations
18.A Few Good Men
19.Road to Perdition
20.Star Wars
21.Mission:Impossible
22.The Departed
23.Boogie Nights
24.Se7en
25.Pumping Iron
26.The Royal Tenenbaums
27.Unforgiven
28.The Fifth Element
29.Hoosiers
30.Field of Dreams
31.Big
32.Citizen Kane
33.The Deer Hunter
34.Tombstone
35.Rudy
36.Risky Business
37.True Romance
38.A Clockwork Orange
39.Ferris Buellers Day Off
40.Regarding Henry
41.One Flew over the Cuckoos Nest
42.Psycho
43.Full Metal Jacket
44.When Harry Met Sally
45.High Fidelity
46.Die Hard
47.Back to the Future
48.Top Gun
49.Gone with the Wind
50.Clerks
51.The Godfather:Part2
52.Grosse Pointe Blank
53.Groundhog Day
54.Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
55.Rain Man
56.The Saint
57.Pan's Laberynth
58.Batman
59.Spiderman
60.Memphis Belle
61.Can't Hardly Wait
62.The Sandlot
63.Fargo
64.Garden State
65.Indiana Jones: Last Crusade
66.Blade Runner
67.The Blair Witch Project
68.The Omen (1971)
69.The Exorcist
70.Stand by Me
71.Lost in Translation
72.L.A. Confidential
73.2001: A Space Odyssey
74.Enter the Dragon
75.Reality Bites
76.Billy Madison
77.Jaws
78.Dirty Harry
79.The Sting
80.The Natural
81.Pee Wee's Big Adventure
82.That Thing You Do!
83.Fight Club
84.Patriot Games
85.Raiders of the Lost Arc
86.Edward Scissorhands
87.Predator
88.The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly
89.Vertigo
90.V for Vendetta
91.Mission: Impossible 3
92.Robin Hood (1993)
93.Memento
94.The Boondock Saints
95.Pinnochio
96.Sliver
97.Rushmore
98.Open Range
99.Hackers
100.Primal Fear
101.Superman
102.Alien
103.Breaking Away
104.Invinceable
105.Murder in the First
106.The Terminator
107.Dumbo
108.Airborne
109.Lock, Stock, 2 Smoking Barrels
110.The Crow
111.Point Break
112.Road House
113.Wind
114.Event Horizon
115.The Cell
116.Gleaming the Cube
117.The Goonies
118.Toy Story
119.Anchorman
120.Mall Rats
121.Pump up the Volume
122.The Matrix
123.The Peanut Butter Solution
124.Snatch
125.The Punisher
126.Heathers
127.Presumed Innocent
128.First Blood
129.E.T.
130.Resevoir Dogs
131.Kill Bill
132.61*
133.12 Monkeys
134.Pulp Fiction
135.The Game
136.Single White Female
137.Fatal Attraction
138.Demolition Man
139.Red Dragon
140.A Christmas Story
141.North by Northwest
142.Taxi Driver
143.The Breakfast Club
144.Heat
145.Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
146.Casablanca
147.Romeo and Juliet (1999)
148.Dangerous Liasons
149.Zoolander
150.Let it Ride!
151.A Bronx Tale
152.Almost Famous
153.Desperado
154.Clear and Present Danger
155.Bourne Identity

This post written while listening to: Andrew Bird "Armchair Apocrypha"

There's nothing safe about Canada

To some people, Canadian Geese are harmless. Sure there are lots of them, but so what, right? All they do is browse the fields for insects in the ground, pick them out along with lots of grass for fiber, then poop it out.

However, I doubt you thought that if Canadian Geese were 2000 times bigger, they would be picking humans off the ground, along with lots of trees and buildings for fiber and pooping US out! Well.........I have thought about it. And, I got my eye on you, Canada. You, and your little geese too.

This post written while listening to: Tegan and Sara "The Con"

Cindy does it, why don't you?

It's a sad day in the history of S.Vincent when he sees Cindy Crawford topless and he says "ho-hum, I wonder what's new on ESPN.com". However, with the explosion of papparazzi in the modern world, their digital cameras, and wireless connections to stream those images all over the world instantly; nude, drunk, disheveled, arrested, fighting celebrities is a surprisingly un-rare occurance. Probably doesn't help to improve us as a society either. But since I am certainly not a philosopher or a innovator for change and the internet is a place that is a little too small for me, I check in on http://www.thesuperficial.com/ at least 3 times a day to see the latest celebrity mishaps. I am addicted, I admit. Some people need crack, I need the superficial once a day. So, when a topless Cindy Crawford made an appearance, I was of course intrigued, but not exactly glued to my screen. I looked, was impressed with her mid 40's shape, and moved on to my next over-stimulated site. After all, this was not great footage, it was Cindy on her private boat catching some rays in what she thought was a private space. If Cindy was in WalMart trying on bra's without a dressing room, then maybe I am more shocked, but this was just another sad example of stalker-razzi getting too close for comfort.

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Then.........an e-mail from the Gryzzle. The Gryzzle probably gets less time for the superficial since he has no computer at home, and his office is a little less private than mine, but he asked me to look closer at the Crawford picture. Observe boobs more, he says? Well, I guess I could spare a few more seconds of my very precious internet time, says I. I opened Cindy's sunbathing picture one more time......and there it was, as plain as day! How could I miss such an eyesore? Time to pull out my "House of Style" little black book and give CeeCee a call about meeting up for afternoon spins.
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I won't spoil it for you. This picture is harmless, but most likely is not something you should open while your boss/manager/students are around.

LATE EDIT: okay perv's, I found a picture that is a little more desireable by my christian church sponsors that includes all the relevant info with none of the nudity, but if you still want the nudity, you can find it on that site.
http://thesuperficial.com/imagen.php?path=/2007/07/cindy-crawford-topless-candids-03.jpg

The Labyrinth made me do it

This is an awesome photo of me and I will except no arguments otherwise. Since I like taking on challenges that border on the completely unimportant and possibly insane, as this picture demonstrates, I will take Mr. Bea up on his Meme challenge. I wonder if Meme stands for something? The origin of Meme, as I understand, is that of many fads on the web in which you pass something on to your friends and tell them they have to pass it on to their friends and then to their friends, etc. ad nauseum. My favorite demonstration of which was portrayed in the movie Wayne's World, involving hundreds of images of Wayne saying "and then they tell 2 friends" over and over. But I digress.....

The Rules of the Meme. (pronounced either maymay or meemee, I have no idea)

1)The rules of Meme get posted before the Meme. And yes, you are allowed to talk about Meme, unlike Fight Club, which I swear to God do not talk about, or Brad makes Angelina steal another baby from Asia.

2)The Meme blog post will consist of at least 8 random and most likely, but not neccessarily, previously unknown facts about the author of the blog. Anything goes, but I'm pretty sure this is how they found out that Madonna uses steroids, so be careful with illegal activity.

3)At the end of the Meme, you must list 8 other bloggers in which to carry on the task of performing their own Meme. You must comment on the other authors blogs to tell them they have been Meme'd and to see your blog for details.Thats right grandma, just like 1994 when e-mail chain letters were all the rage! Nothing says "I care very little about your happiness" like nailing your fellow blogger's and bloggette's with a chain letter. However, I have yet to see of any threats associated with meme'ing if you do not comply. i.e., your dad will go to prison and meet Nasty Nate, your dog will get tapeworms, you're body chemistry will change and you will stink like old fish no matter how much cologne/perfume you use. So since there are no consequences involved with not playing along, I'm gonna start the curse, and say that if you don't carry on the meme, Paris and Nicole Richie are going to come to your house and teach your relatives all the newest slang words that they will use forever and ever and ever. And if you have a sister, Lindsay Lohan is going to come to your house and teach her about "boys". Yeah, so don't eff around with the Meme.

"The Magic 8"

1) I remember very very little about my life before I was 18. I don't know why this is, I just don't really remember it. Don't remember the feelings, emotions, stories, friends, etc. There was nothing tragic or scary about it, and its not meant to be an offensive remark on that time and the people in it, but I think I was inside my own head all the time. I can only remember about 10 of my friends from high school, I don't remember any of the names of my teachers, and those stories from high school, I can't remember unless someone tells me the whole thing and then I can say "ohhhhh.....Right!" I remember the bulk basics, like the sports I played and the places I've been to, but the details are surprisingly very sparse. I'm not even going to get into how little educational info I retained. Remembering things outside of 1 year is a weakness of mine anyway, but especially during those years.

2) I am convinced I have one great physical characteristic and that is, my hands and feet. I have never seen anyone with more balanced and good looking extremities than me. I will challenge anyone to hand/foot off provided there is an impartial judge.

3) I have never broken or seriously injured anything in 15 years of continous sports seasons. I may have a couple of torn ligaments in my left shoulder, but it has never affected me doing anything. Swim team, soccer, baseball, handball, cycling, weight lifting, basketball, and rowing and I have never had to miss any of those thousands of practices due to injury. Take your vitamins, drink lots of water, and warm up and stretch before physical activity kiddies.

4) I really really dislike the phone and not just because I talk on one for most of the day. There is some sort of mental issue between me and the phone that goes deep into my psyche. The sound of a ringing phone is like nails on a blackboard to me, much less when it is my phone that is ringing. You can bet that if you call me, if I am there to answer it, 90% of the time I debate for about 3 to 4 rings whether or not to pick it up, even if I want to talk to that person. You can bet that I never want to talk to you on the phone, but I will soldier on in this wireless communication intensive world and do what needs to be done.

5) The most debalitating thing in my life is my extreme allergies to dogs and cats. This one genetic occurence has far and away caused me more problems than anything else I can think of. EVERYONE, has a dog or a cat in their house. I can't sleep over your house, I can't go to your party, I can't visit you, and I can't ride in your car. Basically the entire reason I am so indepently driven is because most other people literally "make me sick". Not some cute tissue/otc allergy pill commercial sick. My throat closes up, my asthma kicks in, my eyes water and my sinuses fill with mucus inside of 20 minutes. Like getting squeezed by a anaconda and maced at the same time. Genie pops out of a bottle, asks for the 3 wishes: changing this would be the first thing out of my mouth, no hesitation.

6) You will never catch me crying at a funeral, but I am a HUGE sucker for medals ceremonies that involve the national anthem. I can't watch them with other people cause I lose it almost every time.

7) I don't remember it, because I was very young, but my mom tells a story of how I once got lost at Sea World and screamed her name and wouldn't let anyone touch me till I was found. She taught me to do this. No, not safety tips for public spaces, just public humiliation. In large crowds, I often have the urge to scream things.

8) I am addicted to making up harsh nicknames for people at the gym. You can prevent this by basically staying out of my sight, but I am afraid that I can not prevent myself from doing it. Priority #1 at the gym is to get stronger, priority # 2 is to be a hater. One day, I will write a post revealing some of these nicknames and the stories behind them, but thats all the time we have for today.

I do not have 8 people to send this to because no one I know blogs besides The Bea, but I am hoping that my one send will inspire this person to blog if he is not already. And if you are reading this blog and you are blogging behind my back, you need to tell me! No closet bloggers allowed!

John Mullady, who is currently walking with Bea from Yankee Stadium to Fenway. No, seriously.

Can you hear me God? It's S.Vincent......

I am relatively young. No gray hairs, no wrinkles, no unsightly ear hair, my joints feel great, I remember the things I want to, I sleep for around 6 hours a night with no ill-effects, and the only pills I have to take are my multi-vitamin. That said, I could be wrong about sports being in its lowest ever state of morality, ethics, and trust-worthy-ness this week, but it is certainly the worst that I have ever witnessed.
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This week: Barry Bonds is on the precipice of the all-time home-run record amid an un-breathable cloud of smoke surrounding his countless steroid allegations. Everyone he's ever come in contact with says either he's guilty, they can't reveal what they know under penalty of law, or "no comment". If anything helps Bonds, its the fact that hes been under this cloud for the past 3 years and as a society we've become blind to the fact the cloud is still there. Like Alaskans who walk outside in short sleeves in minus 10 degree weather.
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An active NBA referee has been caught fixing games in order to get out of gambling debt he acquired while placing bets with his old high school friends who happen to be a part of a large organized crime syndicate aka "The Mob". No one knows how long he has been doing it, but the investigation has uncovered at least 1 year of activity. The referee has also been in a number of civil suits with his neighbor over violent activity displayed by said referee.
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Micheal Vick has been suspended by the NFL till they can figure out if he violated the leagues code of ethics by being indicted by the government for aiding and abiding dog fighting on his property, and possibly having a direct hand in the practice himself. There are mountains of evidence against him, but the courts have to hash out which is true, un-true, and speculative. There is an excellent chance that he will be convicted barring some kind of Duke rape case evidence mistreatment that the feds are much more ethical about than the local/state prosecutors. In the past 12 months, that would be close to 40 players arrested for crimes. This is on the heels of Pacman Jones also being charged with involvement in an incident in which he started a fight at a strip club that involved gun play and left one employee paralyzed. With close to 2000 NFL players, this arrest rate is not anymore than the rate of the general population, but is astronomically high for their income bracket (more than 250,000 a year)
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The Tour De France has been rocked by doping yet again. 4 riders have been thrown out for testing positive or suspicious activity involving performance enhancing drugs. Alexander Vinokourov, Micheal Rasmussen, Christian Moreni, and Patrick Sinkewitz. If they were major league baseball players, this would be the same as finding out Vlad Guerrero (Vinokourov), Roy Oswalt (Rasmussen), Hunter Pence (Moreni), and Alex Gordon (Sinkewitz) all got 2 year bans from baseball. Some of the riders cried under the weight of the pressure their sport is facing from all this cheating and bad publicity.
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This tortured sport can't seem to get out of this rut that it has been stuck in since the late 70's. Cycling invented medical cheating to win races. Lance is very very lucky that he is not riding this tour. He may have been the "Teflon Don" of cycling a few years ago, but Rasmussen has had eerily the same exact circumstances happen to him, and now he is out of the Tour, and fired from his team despite being tested after every stage with no positive tests. My favorite play by play guy Paul Sherwin made what I thought was a really good point of saying that this could be cycling's finest hour instead of its darkest if they can finally get rid of this problem. Exposing cheaters, cleaning up the sport, setting firm, harsh, and logical rules.
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Although it seems particularly awful to have all this controversy and moral crimes in one year of the race, it has been around for 100 years and has seen its fair share of seemingly insurmountable obstacles. But, "seemingly insurmountable" is the spirit of the Tour. Cycling is a sport that is rich with riders putting obstacles in front of them and climbing, sprinting, bridging, and attacking the peloton over them. The riders could lose all their sponsorships, the organisers could disband the race, the TV cameras can be shut off, and all the reporters can attend a different event but I know that there will be a handful of men who will agree to see who can get around the borders of France the fastest. These athletes don't need the tour, the tour needs these athletes. I may feel awful about it now, but as long as the banner "Vive le Tour" still flies on the roadside alongside athletes willing to believe the meaning of the banner is their responsibility, I think we can still feel good about sports, even......football.
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Yes God, it's S.Vincent. Just wanted to let you know, I think we can, I think we can, I think we can.
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This post was written while listening to: Spoon "Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga"

Ridin' white-n-nerdy

I will now reveal more reasons as to why I am an even more of a loser than your standard internet blogger. (Ha, and you thought that being a Blogger was the basement of the "Loser Motel") I am going to tell you a story about my runners high that I got the other evening in candid detail.
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Why would I do such a thing, you say? You already had such an incredibly small opinion of the 25 year old, single, unfourtunate looking, POS car driving, mustache wearing, Bear Grylls is my favorite show, man. There should only be reasons for him to attempt to increase his stature, not drive it further into the ground by revealing unfourtunate truths. One reason is that I have to hit rock bottom sometime. The other is that I haven't put up a post in a while, and mr quick part 4 still needs "tweaking"(that's a You've Got Mail reference, add possible sexual confusion to the list). The final is that I am going to be away this week so I figured I better feed "the beast" (constant readers) before it pees on my floor.
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This is not a tale of blinding foot speed. I did not invoke the spirit of Mercury to burn the PoVegas asphalt with superhuman performance. I don't run often because I am not a "runner". I don't dislike it, but I have a rowing career that needs extensive work and thus takes up most of my training time. However, I like to move it move it and I can put togethor some decent times for someone who spends 2 nights a month on his feet instead of his ass. I enjoy the easy simplicity of it, I don't have to think about my catch, my lock on, my drive, or getting my body over. I just run and when I'm done, my legs hurt, I'm sweating, and my heart pumped some blood, so its always a good workout so long as I got from point A to point B sans injury.
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This is a tale of coincidences. The happenstance of many things coming togethor for 4 mins of time. I had to run easier than usual because I have a big race coming up. All I wanted to do is work my heart and not tear down my legs, so I felt very strong and in control of my effort and hade enough oxygen going to my brain as to allow it to observe my surroundings. The weather was a perfect 80 degrees with medium humidity. "Only the Young" by Journey was on my iPod as I was near the very scenic Vassar College, deserted at this time of year. There was a young 4 point buck grazing the grass by the pond just as the red sun was setting and peeking through massive clumps of light gray clouds over the Adirondack Mountains . The buck stared at me and I met his eyes as I ran by. There was a one-ness with me and nature, and there was a one-ness with me and....me. It's flabergasting that a guy who spends all of his time working alone, rowing alone, and living alone would need more time with himself, but when you seek solitude as much as I do, you appreciate the few times you actually get them, much more. No man is an island, especially a man who spends as much time on the information super highway as I do, but for a 4 minutes it was just me, Steve Perry, the deer, and NOT the huge monkey of life on my back. I don't think I was taking any drugs, but I was near Vassar, so you never know what is in the air.
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Now that this is out of the way, I can go back to playing Gears of War on my XBox, laughing at poop jokes, and not having a girlfriend. You know I'm not proud of it, but you also know you wish you could be so basic.
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Gym Rule: Wow! its Back! Yipeeeee!!! Ha, I will try to come up with some more of these, but I think I over-extended myself last year and pretty much got it all down, but every once and a while I stumble on a particular occurence of bush league behavior. That said, there is no flailing allowed! Herking and jerking weights or yourself is distracting and foolish. I know that you are an intense dude/dudette and you need the others around you to see that you can deliver 110% and perhaps save babies from getting hit by cars, lift the universe, tackle a polar bear, or bend iron bars. But the truth is we all know you have no muscular coordination and are more concerned with percieved output than actual performance and fitness. Look around you, read a fitness magazine, or observe a real athlete and if they don't train like you; pretend for a second that you may have no clue as to what you are doing.
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This post written while listening to: Interpol "Our Love to Admire"

I pull up to the front of your driveway, with magic soakin my spine.....

Can you read my mind?

I thought of a really funny joke to play on the morning of the fourth of July. Here's the dilly: you set off a large firework (M-80, cherry bomb, general tso's chicken fart) INSIDE the house. Can you imagine the reaction? Think about a large explosion inside a house when everyone is alseep. It'd be off da hook, yo

Of course, you have to handle such immature genius professionally, or it's not that funny. You should pull the gag inside a house with more than 2-3 people since a group dynamic is necessary for such hijinx. I find that people are much more accepting of sillyness when there is lots of people than when it is just you and one person. They take it personally if its just the 2 of you. To start, you will need some sort of container to house the firework such as a old paint can, an old cooking pot, or a bucket. Next, it will have to be early, but not too early, sometime in the window of 7am-830am, so as not to make people too annoyed with a loss of sleep. Then you have to get your voice warmed up for the post explosion announcement: "HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY EVERYBODY!!!". I see people falling out of beds, people screaming in fear, and running around in silly sleep garments, utter chaos. I'm giddy at the thought of doing this in 2008 so you better try to remember not to invite me to your house.

There is this young fat kid named Batman who sent me this video a long time ago. He is a little messed up in the head, and I am a whole lot messed up in the head, so we enjoy cinema like this. It's a patriotic video, so I figured I'll leave it up for the whole week. If you don't like it, you don't like America, and I'll kill you cause it says I can in the constitution....Punk!

HBO (one of my 3 favorite channels) has a new show called Flight of the Conchords that is really funny. I know that they have been out as a comedy act for quite a while, so spare me the smug "I knew about them before you did" garbage. I am just saying that the show is good, so if you like Flight of the Conchords or don't know anything about them, watch the show. It's available on the orgasmic ON-DEMAND feature and plays new episodes on Sunday nights I think.

"so how about them yankees?" is an easy way to request a stabbing from S.Vincent.

I will be following up on the Mr. Quick story soon. I have been a little helter skelter this whole week with all the prank planning, hot dog contest eating, and fantasy baseball managing duties, so keep your peepers checking back regularly.

This post written while listening to: Collective Soul "7even year Itch"

Bare with S.Vincent

No, it's not a nudey post...........yet. So, you can settle down for now. This is just a quick hit to say that I have been tinkering and learning about all the new stuff I can do with the blog. So in addition to the posts, keep checking back for a bunch of new stuff to appear on the right hand side. I am trying to add a video, a top 10 best posts list, adding some new favorite blogs/links, and possibly a music area. I am also trying to solve some of the spacing issues between all of these things (which is much too large somehow) If you check constantly like I do on other sites, you may see some crazy shit esé, like whacky text/pic sizes and missing info, but I will be playing with it on and off for the next 2 days or so, so hang in there sluggers. S.Vincent won't let you down.
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PS: Damn those nerds and their HTML!

The Designated Wiseman

Recently, Johnny Damon has taken over as the New York Yankees primary Designated Hitter. He replaced the Yankees long time DH Jason Giambi due to Jason's inury to his achilles tendon. Trying to get some tips on how to handle his new position, Johnny called the injured veteran to see if he had any advice. Luckily for Johnny, Jason was more than happy to help. The following is a dialogue of that conversation..........

Johnny Damon: Yooooo big guy, you got a few minutes to talk shop?

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Jason Giambi: Yeah sure, I got 15 minutes before I take my midnight duke-a-roo.

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JD: Perfect. I was wondering if you had any advice on how I do this DH thing. I feel a little out of my element, and you've been doing it forever, so I figured you know the job inside and out.

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JG: You bet your virgin ass I know it inside and out. True story: one time DH'd in hell. I hit Satan's curveball deep and he sent me back up here to play ball with you chumps. Anyway, what seems to be giving you the biggest problem?

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JD: It seems like I can't pick up the spin on the ball till my 3rd or fourth at-bat. I feel like I am always behind the pitcher.

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JG: I used to have that problem too till I actually started going to batting practice. But heres the key, you don't actually have to hit cause you don't want to get too tired before the game. Just stand on homeplate and have Farnsworth hit you in the chest with his 95mph fastball. Keep your eye on the ball to pick it up out of the pitchers hand and visualize swinging. Sometimes Farney doesn't hit me hard enough and I go out there and make him lick my bellybutton and call me "The real Big Papa", that Mary.

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JD: Uhh, I don't know if I will do that per se, but I will think about and definitly take more swings in BP than some of the other guys.

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JG: Whatever dude, different strokes for different blokes. That's just what works for me.

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JD: I Appreciate it. Now, what do you do when the team is on the field and you are on the bench? It's gotta be a little boring.

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JG: Oh man, there is so much to do if you put your mind to it. Practical jokes are my favorite. Sometimes, I pee in the gatorade cooler. You can call up the announcers in the booth and tell them their wives died. Or even go back into the clubhouse and hide one of Mussina's docksiders. There are sooooooo many jokes. Do me a favor will ya? Fill the insides of Hideki's batting gloves with super glue and when he puts them on say "Domo Arrogato Mr. Roboto" and do the robot dance. He'll know what that means.

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JD: Wow, thats a pretty funny joke. Wait a minute, was that you who replaced my after-shave with piss?

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JG: Uhhhh, no. That was ummmm, Melky I think, yeahhhhh.

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JD: You son of a bitch. I guess theres nothing I can do about it now, though. How do you handle the coaches when it's just you and them in there?

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JG: Well you wanna stick to talking to Donny Baseball. He's the man, hes got all these old war stories. Like having sex with a tiger and making half tiger-half Donny Baseball babies. One time, he challenged the Pope to a dual, but the Pope pussied out, so Donny made him wash his jocks for a month. He also has some great dirty jokes involving young children, I won't spoil it for you though, just ask him.

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JD: Okay, I guess that's must see entertainment. What about Joe though?

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JG: Don't talk to Joe, one time I asked him if he had a minute to talk and he yelled at me to sit down and shut up or he'd check my gym bag for drugs again. Then one time he thought I was looking at him funny, so he made me drink all the pee gatorade. He said if I didn't he would tell Steinbrenner I was the one who left a floater in his personal bathroom. He's loco dude, steer clear.

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JD: Sounds tense, I'll make sure I don't piss him off. Is there anything else I want to stay away from?

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JG: Oh yeah. Number 1, don't call for hookers from the bullpen phone. They can trace those calls. B) Don't make fun of the errors that the guys make in the field. None of them can take a joke at all. They are so uptight about their fielding. I dunno why, its not like it's a big deal. Lastly, you want to stay away from skid marks on the pinstripes when you take your mid game poop, I use A-Rod's towel and butt floss, works every time. Clean as a whistle.

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JD: Thats all good stuff J-man, I really appreciate it. I feel much better about going out there now.

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JG: Anything for a lady. I gotta go make a chocolate hamburger now. Catch you later

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JD: hahaha, you're gross.

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JG: Whatever, everybody poops, you're mommy told me so. Oh, and by the way; nice haircut....fag (click)

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End of conversation

This post written while listening to: The Beastie Boys "The Mix Up"