Yo Paulie! Your sistah's at ma place!

I've never been a picky person about my hair. I am not a polished type of person. Clean? well yeah....most of the time, but my grandpa always says "you can't shine shit" and the same applies to me. If I go too far out of my way, I'd show more faults then I would reveal beauty.

I am surprised everyday that I haven't shaved it all off yet. I think its because I am aware of the fact that my huge nose and ears would grow 2x as much once the hair is gone. I'd look like some kind of newt without hair. So, I often go long periods without hair cuts. There is also some detachment between me and my hair because I am aware of destiny to lose it all to genetical baldness.

So I reluctantly headed to my local barbershop, aptly titled; "The Men's Room". Now, I hate to call this place out cause it's my only hair refuge and I do go there, but it is the first week of NFL Sunday. Pause......I'll say it again....ITS THE FIRST WEEK OF NFL SUNDAY. Therefore, at a place named "The Mens Room", the NFL should be on every one of the 8 TV's in the place. Instead, Rachel Ray was cooking a quiche on 5 of them, and Nickolodeon was on the others. I would have settled for MTV or the news over that. I hate to say things like this because it has an undertone of bias, but there is a gay guy with a shaved head, a mid 40's woman, and one dude who I have never seen before and pretty sure its his first week there. He also has a shaved head. But this isn't a anti gay/woman thing, this is a business thing. So, lets have a culture of manliness in a place called "The Mens Room" which caters to the hair-care of men exclusively. The personality of the barbers should not come before the expectations of the customers. You get big boobs at hooters, knights and wenches at medievil times, dorks at a lan party, and football at the mens room.

So, I avoid the gay guy cause the last time I had him, he pointed out my receeding hair, as if I didn't know, and then proceeded to pretty much shave my head "cause shorter hair is better to hide balding" even though I didn't ask for it at all. The woman had a guy already, so I got the guy who was on his first week in the shop.

Now, I am always scared to have a new guy cut my hair. Plus, as a barber, you don't instill tons of confidence in me with your ability to manage hair, when you purposely take off all of your own. This guy looked like you cousin Paulie from Statin Island who did 6 months in the clink for a fake credit card scam, and he smelled faintly of a little B.O. and a hard Saturday night out. For some reason, I did not run out of there, I tend to give anyone who breathes air at least one chance to not screw me over. So I told him how I wanted it done, he stared at me blankly, and I sat down in the chair, and gripped the arm rests like I was getting a cavity filled at the dentist, rather than a standard haircut.

Things started off slowly using the scissors. No cause for alarm yet, except he was thumping my skull like he was testing a cantelope and pulling my hair like he was shucking corn. He was pulling more of my hair out, then he was cutting it, but he was proceeding along ok so far. He was really taking his time, and I began to have a lot of faith in him, cause I could tell he was going to give my hair his A effort. In the middle, I was feeling real good. He was working the scissors well, he was balancing it well, and he wasn't taking off tons of hair. Then.....he tried to work the top just a leeeeetttttllllllee bit more......

All hell did not break loose, he screwed it up a little bit, but it wasn't quite as good as he had it before he started. 16 bucks and a tender scalp later, I have a haircut that I am going to be messing with for 10 mins every morning so I don't look like I have a cesear cut.

This post written while listening to: Stellastarr* "In the Walls"