Can you smell..... what the Rock is cookin?

I think the world needs more of the Rock these days. There are far too many affeminate men out there in entertainment and a little bit of the rock in all his glory would go a long way.

I have beent hinking about putting up a list of Gym Rules for dummies ever since I started this blog and I am just now getting up the confidence to start writing it down formally. I take this very seriously and I would not want for it to be some half assed attempt that I would curse myself for later on. However, all this pent up aggresion is finally starting to get to me and I think that since it is the gym season and summer is upon us, that I put soemthing togethor for all the amateurs out there.

The most important thing to remember is that you can't be saved from yourself. The easiest way to not look like a d-bag in the gym is to not have d-bagness in your genes to begin with. These rules will not help you not be a d-bag if you are one, because these are just very general simple things having to do with appearance and basic techniques that only scratch the surface of an entire person. They cannot save you from yourself or change who you are. If you notice that you have broken or consistently break some/all of these rules, just stop going to the gym; there is no help for you.

1: More Clothes is always better than Less. This is probably the one cardinal rule to help you from getting ridiculed. The gym is a microscope, everyone looks at everything, and you can bet all the money you have that if you are not a 14 session per week member that you are not the best looking physical specimen there. So keep your pasty skin, fat rolls, and hair under some clothes. You are there to sweat anyway so you might as well get the most of it. When in doubt, wear more clothes. It keeps the equipment dry too.

2: Tank Tops/Sports Bras are for competitors only. You do not get to wear a tank top or a sports bra as your top unless you are a competitor in a show. They are the only people who know why they are wearing a tank top to begin with, therefore they are the only one allowed to wear them. If you wear a tank top, it means that you have something that you want to be seen. So unless it is something special enough for a panel of judges, keep it covered. You are not outside in the heat of the sun, and the gym is never over 70 degrees, so you are not over heated. Cover your sausage arms and backfat please. In a perfect world only about 5% of the gym membership would be allowed to wear less than baggy t-shirts and pants.

2b: Your clothes should make sense: You don't wear pants and a tank top unless you are a competitor doings arms. You don't wear tight shorts unless you are a competitor doing legs. You are there to work out a specific area so your outfit should reflect that. But refer to rule #1 in all outfit decisions.

3: Gloves are for Fags: I don't like using such a un-PC word, but it's true. Gloves are the first sign that you don't have an effin clue about working out. If you are a rower, think gloves while rowing, same principle applies. The fitness magazine photos show people wearing gloves because they are paid to do so, not because they actually use them.

4: Shut your effin mouth: Keep your theories about fitness to yourself unless you are a pro card owner. If someone asks, speak softly and don't advertise yourself. There is no one way that anyone has been successful at physical fitness, so if you think you've got it figured out, you are wrong and presuming otherwise shows you're a stupid ass. Remember, being a non-d-bag would prevent you from doing this in the first place.

5: Be Aware of your Surroundings: This covers a lot; means that you are in gym, so you should be working out and not talking and parading yourself around. It also means you should be working out with some semblance of a pland and put the weights back where they belong adn that other poepl are probably waiting to use the machine that you are using.

6: A little grunt when you have 400lb on the 5th rep of a squat is okay. On the first rep of 30lb dumbbell curls is not. Grunting, wheezing, yipping, etc. is very annoying, stupid and useless 90% of the time. You never ever grunt unless you absolutely have to. this should be your last dying noise you make. So if you grunt more than once in a set, you're an idiot.

Tried to keep it basic for now, and I may add more if I notice something in the next couple of days that I forgot.

I know I'm a bum right now, and thats all I have to say about that.

MI:3 is the best movie I have seen this summer so far (and I have seen them all). I know alot of people have bad feelings about Tom Cruise and that is understandable, but put it behind you. The guy is an actor in a movie. Don't sacrifice your enjoyment cause the guy is a lunatic in his outside life.

S.Vincent has been coming to cities near you on many weekends so keep your eyes out for him. He is the traveling loser and has been making trips all over every weekend this summer. He is sick from lack of sleep and allergies, but he's tan and has been sporting a faux hawk which is a red light on the the dashboard of the fun-mobile. 80's hits and independent jams on the iTunes and a lack for the self esteem of others and you have a prime time performer.

Rotten Tomato Time: I think I have covered this before in fact I am almost certain of it. But since it just happened again and I am stillso very angry about it. Don't ever tell me what the eff you do for a living over the phone. I could not cate less at all and it only make me angry that you have the ego to think that your job would have any bearing on how I am going to treat you, respect you or set up work for you. I HATE it.

This Post written while listening to: Bloc Party "Silent Alarm"