BOO!.............bees

It's Halloween kiddies so drink lots of water, brush your teeth, and wash your elastic waist band pants for tomorrow's bulge. It seems as though my advocation for pumpkin day has gone over swimmingly, and like other major holidays in this country, started 2 months before the day actually comes. This does not upset me in the slightest, because I love me some pumpkin goodies!

The good news is; we still have one more month to officially enjoy pumpkin treats and a few days after that to wrestle each other for the pumpkin leftovers! Better start getting in fighting shape, cause after pumpkin day, we have a whole month of disgusting egg nog, peppermint and fruit cakes. Christmas has the worst foods associated with it. In fact, I would start a movement to call it the "crappy treats day we pretend to like so we don't get accused of being scrooges for hating these holiday treats" but that might upset de Jesus for re-naming his birthday, and I got enough issues. Plus, I'd need a shorter name.

Anyway, this post is not about Pumpkin Day. I know; it's confusing because the symbol for halloween is a carved pumpkin and thus is a closely tied symbol for the holiday.

But consider this; ...you usually do not consume a mass amount of pumpkin on this day, ...you consume mass amounts of candy!

And that, my sugar coated nerds, is what this post is about.... the day in which we all wish we were 9 again so we could get sick on candy and not get a lecture from our peers about being an "adult." You know what I am talkin about......you have enough money now to buy endless candy and are very happy about not having to dress up like a giant vampire turd in order to get it. However, your real life Jimminy Cricket is whispering in your ear about how that is inappropriate at your age. You are in a glass case of emotion!

Unfourtunatly Luke, I am not here to guide you through this. For you know the path which you must choose based on how much you value percieved standards of maturity and how your actions will affect that. I only care about your happiness, so I am here to talk about candy, specifically, my favorite candy.......cause it's my blog Luke and if you don't like what I write you can take 2 light sabers and stick em in your........nevermind

THE TOP 5!!

1) Mini Reese's Cups: I love chocolate and peanut butter. I would eat a chocolate and peanut butter flavored cigarette butt. I would say more, but I feel there are not enough words to describe how much I love to combination of these two things. I bet Mr. Reese's had like 14 playboy model wives and could beat up a platoon of trained army rangers carrying a automatic rifles and machetes. That's how awesome he is. I like this format of Reese's the best. Why? Because they are pop-able and I like things that are individually wrapped. I also like the super big cups too, but it's more stealth to pop one of these bad boys in, then to get caught enjoying a hockey puck sized cup and have to deal with all the associations of someone who unabashidly consumes things this size.

2) Whatchamacallit: This is a highly under-rated candy. Let me break it down. It's a peanut butter and rice crispy base with a light layer of caramel on the top, then covered in milk chocolate. I don't understand why more people do not love this candy, it's delicious. Maybe they are scared of it's weird name and by the fact that they were too lazy to come up with a proper name.

3)Swedish Fish: I don't know why they are swedish, I don't know why they are fish, and I don't know why they get latched onto my teeth like tar. But, I don't care because they are delicious. Once again, I like the smaller ones rather than the larger ones, and they HAVE to be the actual swedish fish brand. There are lots of imposters out there, and they suck at copying recipies.

4) Milky Way Midnight: I like this combo better because I think the softer caramel specific to milky way works better with the sharper chocolate taste that is found in dark chocolate. Also, the nougat is more vanilla-y flavored. Plus, I like the imposing/exotic name. Makes me feel all warm inside

5) Tootsie Rolls: I know I am going against most of society on this one, but I really like tootsie rolls for some reason. It's chocolate without the phlegm I think. Probably the reason why I really like yoo-hoo as well. Plus, they get bonus points for being individually wrapped. I also like the fruit flavored ones (also under-rated candy) that have the very delicious vanilla flavor

Honorable Mention: Peanut M&M's, Reese's Fast Break, Butterfinger Crisp, Almond Snickers, Mellocreme Pumpkins, Starburst, Chewy Sweet Tarts

THE BOTTOM 5

1) Necco Wafers: Seriously, what the f__ are these things? They are like hosts from church with sugar on top of them. I guess there are supposed to be flavors to them cause they are different colors, but to me they all taste the same flavor of awful. This is the same company that manufactures those valentines message hearts which also taste like crap. Those are used better as a way to make a little extra money selling them as ecstasy to 14 year olds, than as candy

2) Mary Janes: Peanut butter road tar. You can't chew em and the supposed flavor of peanut butter is negotiable at best. It's more like peanut butter mixed 50-50 with glue. They are also made by Necco Co. Which officially makes the worst candy in the world!

3) Junior Mints: I have a real problem eating mint. I can chew mint, I can suck on mint, but I don't like to eat mint. It always makes me think of swallowing my toothpaste or mouthwash. I know this is an individual issue, but I also don't like mint chocolate chip ice cream, or thin mint girl scout cookies.

4) Black Licorice: Seriously, how does anybody like this. I have tried it a few times to see if maybe it is an acquired taste, but its not. It tastes like what I imagine motor oil and sugar mixed togethor tastes like.

5) Black and Orange Mystery: You probably know what I am talking about. I think they give bags of this stuff out free to anyone over 65 at the grocery store. Individually wrapped peices of sterilization drugs I think. They don't even try to hide it with a good flavor, they actually make it taste like you are harming your insides by eating it. Unfourtunatly, I could not attach a picture of it because most people throw them back at the givers of it. Just know that it looks like taffy and is wrapped in black and orange peices of wax paper.

This post written while listening to: Jimmy Eat World "Big Casino"