You Commie Bitch!

Unfourtunatly, I may have to start keeping a notepad to remember some of my blog ideas. Everyday I have about 5 things that happen that I could write a blog about and when I sit down here and try to hash it out, I shoot blanks like a man from Chrenobyl. Now, this would only be done to keep with some current level of quality that I have established. I wouldn't want to give any more or any less to you. Haven't turned into a full on dorkfest yet, just an organized loser.

Speaking of Chenobyl, I have been receiving very annoying phone calls from Maria Sharapova. Now, I must give props where props are due to Micheal Assenza. Mikey exposed me to a very awesome commercial from Nike (owned by Satan I think) about morning exercisers such as myself. Nike may be the devil, but they are great marketers. Here it is, click on the big sneaker in the middle to start the program.

Anyway, if you noticed next to the link to start the commercial, there is a link to set up your own wakeup call from some of the Nike sponsored athletes. I set mine up to call me every morning at 5AM from Tennis sweetheart Maria Sharapova. Lets be civil, and just say that I was well.... PISSED OFF! The first morning, I am very excited to receive my call (and very depressed that I am excited about a recorded message) and I wake up before the call is supposed to come. The phone rings at exactly 5AM. "Yipee Maria!" I yelled and leaped out of bed and rushed to my phone. "Hi, this is Maria Sharapova with your wakeup call. Do you want me to call you back in 5 minutes?.........Well I'm not, so get out of bed or I'm going to kick your ASS!"

Excuse me Maria? What did you say to me? You're gonna do what? I was so angry and disappointed I nearly bought a ticket to Florida and say "I'm here, what you gonna do now?" She starts the convo all pleasant and then turns into a facist bitch and tries to tell me what to do! I now HATE Maria Sharapova and I hope she loses and eye and can't play tennis anymore. On second thought, I hope she gets fat like Kim Clijsters plays mediocre tennis and loses all her sponserships. Nice photo huh, looks like the belgian tennis star had herself a couple of belgian waffles before her match. Way to be an athlete.....not!.....fatso.

Anyway, the commercial and idea are still very good, but how can you not have more amateur sports where the people really do workout in the morning? No Rowers, boxers, body builders? Don't tell me that Maria Sharapova has ever gotten up before noon to train and certainly not Tom Flaming Brady.

We haven't talked about "The L Word" in a while. A couple of episodes ago, Alice broke up with Dana, her long time best friend recently turned lover. Anyway, their relationship was hot and steamy and Alice got too attached. Alice got duped(rhymes with pooped) into believing Dana just needed some time off when she really started hooking up with an old flame as soon as she got out the door. Alice has gone into a tailspin of psychotic episodes since and it has been both depressing and humerous. Alice built a Dana Shrine, and one of the peices is a life size cutout of Dana that she kisses and punches and talks to. All very funny because this is a great show by the way. What I want to know is; where would one get a life size cutout and why should I have to look for a place to do so? The life size cut out market should be huge! Just imagine how many things you would like to have life size photo's of! Friends, enemies, pets, sports stars, rock stars, etc. Sounds like a business oppertunity to me. Just let me know when you get it started and I'll send you bill for "concept fees"

Thinking more along the lines of endorsements, I just thought of something I would like to endorse; Bounty paper towels. I know this should have been in the grocery store post but I forgot about them for a minute. Bounty towels are far and away the best on the market and cost like 10 cents more a roll than the cheapest ones. DO NOT BARGAIN shop when it comes to paper towels, just buy Bounty and be happy with a superior product......Don't fuck around......I'm serious.

This post written while listening to: Gorillaz "Demon Days"