wireless internet is ruining my trip

Wireless internet is a good thing. A good thing if you have a laptop computer and the conviction to carry one. Unfourtunatly, I have neither due to the imbalance of my mooching desires compared to my independence desires. That said, I am typing on what I think is an Apple IIe complete with a 5 x 9 floppy disk drive and green and black screen.

A hotel no longer needs to have a good lounge computer when they offer free wireless, which just about all of them do these days. One of the unforseen consequences of this services.....for moochers.

So I'm going to hand write a few posts and put them up once I get home cause I can't work with this thing. But a quicktrip update is that it has rained steadily and been in the mid 40's both days that I have been in south carolina. It snowed while we were in Virginia, and I may have drooled on myself after eating a chocolate protein bar, and that drool may have looked like poop. Of course to battle this weather, I have a hooded sweatshirt.......and that's it. So my disposition has been anything but sunny. I could tell you some of the scary things that have been going on beneath my undergarments that are reachig unprecidented levels of intrigue and surprise due to the levels of coldness and water saturation, but this is a family blog.

Keep checking the twitter for random useless updates till I get back. Me and little S.Vincent miss you PoVegas :)

A gorilla with a microphone in its mouth......

I know I have been a bit sloppy in my posting habits as of late, but I am over some of the small humps (lovely lady lumps) that have gotten in my way. Now we are back with a bizz-ang....

Our good buddy Rob Dyrdek is back with an awesome new show on MTV called "Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory". I can't say how happy it makes me and how happy his receptionist Chanel could make me with just 15 minutes of her time.

Quarter Year Album Analysis.....I figure we can talk about some new music every quarter. That way your whack-ass can be updated on the freshness and tight with all the big money beezo's.

I will be going on an extended trip for the next 10 days or so, but I plan on posting on the goings on with plenty of pictures if I can wrassle myself a computer. I'll also be twittering as much as I can so get wise and follow me already!

Wait.....do they have computers and electricity south of the Mason-Dixon yet?......shit

like a foreign pizza delivery guy......

You're looking for me and waiting for me, but I am no where to be found.

You call me, and I tell you "5 more minutes".

30 minutes go by, you call again, and I say "5 more minutes"

You were just craving some pizza when you ordered, but now you are like Tom Hanks towards the end of "Castaway".

You're considering calling another pizza place, but you know karma is not your friend and as soon as you hang up the phone from ordering said pizza, there I will be, in my 84' rusted grey civic looking frazzled.

So you wait, and you call again, and I say.....

"I no pizza for you?"

Goonies never say "Die"

First, I will acknowledge that it is uncool to blog about blogging. I have made an effort to stop that and although this is post is somewhat related to that bad habit, I think that the bad habit is blogging about your blogging instead of the act of blogging as a whole.

You lose audience members with self involved drivel. I believe this to be very true reading others crap and thusly have strived to remove it from my own blog, but it's hard to stay away when you are low on ideas.

The 20SB community helps with this issue, so long as you want to join in on their activities, they provide a wide variety of topics to take up internet space. However, their ideas frequently border on my perception of self in this crazy internet world. Not mixing words, the ideas are blog-writer centric, meaning people who enjoy being creative and outward and to some effect, shameless. People, who as a whole, look at all the oppertunities the internet can provide and they jump in with both feet. I respect their cunning, but I am decidedly more careful about how I jump in, what shoes I am wearing, and whether its being video taped or not.

I think that we are kind of like Goonies. Just a couple of people who don't mind taking something too far. Comfortable in their own skin and doing things that are important to them even if it isn't important to anyone else. My place in this movie is like Andy, the girl struggling between her need to be popular and her intrigue with Brand and his younger brothers co-horts. Disgusted with popular society, but not quite ready to dive in Goonie lifestyle.

This is because I have not fully removed myself from the "too cool for school" lifestyle. I look at many internet activity's as borderline "loser" "nerd" "creep". Not so much in how other bloggers do them, but that if I participated I would lack the skill to make it definitively not those things. I am not "arty" "expressive" or "unique" in a acceptable outward style. I wear jeans and t-shirts and drive a common model sedan with a 10 dollar haircut. It's like old people at young persons music concerts. Some old people can pull it off with style and grace, and some people are "who brought their Dad to the concert?". If I did these things, I would just ruin it for you and that would make me un-happy.

So I'll give you 20 bucks and I'll drop you off at the door. You can call me when you need to get picked up.

Recently, there was an oppertunity to Video Log (vlog) for a day under the topic of "Things you love". I was tempted, but ulitimately did not participate for those reasons mostly involving social fear. But if you want to know what I would have talked about if I did a Vlog, it would have been my iTunes/iPod. Which would be A)obvious and B) a little boring with a lack of visual aids.

I couldn't stand work without it and I just love the whole organization and layout of it all. I like collecting songs and albums and knowing how many times I have listened to certain things, and the album artwork too. I love making playlists and I like the radio stations and the podcasts and of course the iTunes store! Its like a big scrapbook that plays music!

So there you go internet fans, maybe in the future we can get S.Vincent over his fears, but for now he'll be standing near the concession stand trying not be noticed.

we are so smart. S-M-R-T

Conversation takes place on the 20 minute drive to the gym.....

Fit Cop: "What the hell is that thing on his antenna"

S.Vincent: "I think it's like a happy face or something. You know, one of those lame antenna decorations"

Fit Cop: "No I know that, I was hoping you could see exactly what it was"

S.Vincent: "Jeez, I don't have super vision, it's like a mile away"

Fit Cop: "Well I dunno, I thought maybe you could"

Fit Cop: "Dammit! I am gonna run into this guy trying to find out what it is. It's driving me crazy"

S.Vincent: "I think it's a Sun. Like a little version of the Sun"

Fit Cop: "No it's not"

S.Vincent: "Well I have no idea, it could be anything"

Fit Cop: "Ummm, I think it's one of those Science Ball things, you know?"

silence.............S.Vincent processing Fit Cop language

S.Vincent: "Yeah, you mean an Atom?"

Fit Cop:(very excited) "YEAH!"

Fit Cop and S.Vincent laugh to the state of tears for the next 5 minutes

stampede!!

Last week was a wash for me. Nothing got done despite some of my valient efforts in the face of sickness. I ended up retreating to my bed and trying not to think about anything except healing my diseased body. No music, no tv, no food, no light. All of these stimulations could only impede my progress back to superior health.

7 days later and I am about 80% of the way there. The doctor provided little insight into what could knock a 27 year old super human to the turf for such a long period of time, but he did provide me with a prescription for Amoxicillian in 875mg tabs. Which is what doctors do these days. Why am I telling you the dosage? Because an 875mg tab is roughly the size of a peice of Bubbalicious.....for me to swallow. Fast forward to around 3am and I am tossing and turning up a storm before I remembered my youth and how hyper and restless Amoxicillian used to make me. You forget a lot in 20 years. All I needed was some detergent and water in bed with me, and I could have washed my sheets for all my "agitator" impersonation efforts.

In the midst of my sick week, I was positioned on a couch, staring off into space, contemplating if it was worth breathing air anymore when a young child asked me a simple question.....

"Is Rage Against the Machine one of the greatest bands of the 90's?"

My head exploded. All I could give him was the simplest form of an answer. An answer in which I am sure he was unaware of the computer overload on my diseased and over heated brain. It just spit out.....

"No, they can't be"

He said more things, but I just waved my hand in a shoo-fly fashion so I could get back to more serious endeavors like not dying and assigning blame elsewhere for my troubles. But the question still needs a proper answer and then follow up information to support the cause.

The reason why they aren't: Not because I do not like them (because I really really do) and not because of a lack of musical talent (because they are easily one of the most talented hard rock groups all time). Its because they didn't sell enough records or get enough main stream play. They would be in a top 20 discussion, but not the top 10.

When you are discussing "Greatest", you must include how well the stupid stupid public and the critics see them. I know, I don't agree either, but those are the rules because everyone has to agree that they are great in order to get the label. Now if you want to include great to you, then thats a different list. That's a "My favorites" list.

So since we are here, the greatest bands of the 1990's (in my order cause I can do that). The criteria includes first or first acclaimed album released 1990-1999. Critical success at award shows, critical success by music reviewers, album sales, longevity, and consistency.

1) Radiohead
2)Pearl Jam
3)Nirvana
4)Beck
5)Pavement
6)Oasis
7)Dave Matthews Band
8)Green Day
9)Smashing Pumpkins
10)Weezer

*foo fighters, third eye blind, rage against the machine, Massive Attack, Nine Inch Nails, Built to Spill, Stone Temple Pilots, Soundgarden, and Tool is probably 10-20

This story is due to the fact that I got run over by the internet while I was away. There isn't much hope for me to catch up. I tried for about an hour today, but you bloggers need to slow the fuck down!

The comment box is where you complain or challenge my music knowledge superiority. I don't want to hear any U2, Chili peppers, Beastie boys, and REM talk people, they are from the 1980's

requiem for an S.Vincent

It's starting to look like a drug rehab movie around the old dugout. Sheets everywhere, blood and puss filled tissues, dirty dishes, flickering lights, hallucinations, sweating, wild looks at one self in the mirror, and coughing and screaming into the night begging with the gods for it to stop.

So all hope is obviously lost, but I have comforted myself in this dark thought.....

I think it would be the coolest thing EVER to die on friday the 13th or on valentines day.

call the whaaaaaa-mbulence

today, I am sick.

I am so sick that I am not even reading any blogs. If you have a podcast blog, I would consider it, but definitly not reading anything I don't have to. Sorry friends, maybe tomorrow.

being sick is my number one enemy because I am shallow and I can call it a awesome day so long as I get 2 good workouts in. Everyone and everything else can go straight to hell in a martha stewart basket. But when I am sick, my life has no purpose besides going through the motions.

The good news is no nasal or sore throat symptoms and only a light fever. But my chest has got a nasty dry cough and my body feels like I went 10 rounds with sarah mclauchlin on steroids.

Speaking of steroids/illegal performance enhancers......when is someone going to bust Madonna? I am sick of all the obvious guys getting brought out there like Stallone, Arnold, Bonds, A-Rod, Canseco and no one is addressing this obvious juice head. You think a 51 year old woman can work out enough to look like that without help? Have you ever seen any 50 year old menopausal woman at your gym who looked like that? Puhhhleasssseee. Plus. she's linked to Jose Canseco and a bunch of other juicers from the early 90's. I would bet all the 900 dollars in my bank account that she would blow up a drug test quicker than a Jamal Anderson heart beat.
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Madonna Now

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Madonna Then:

More Human than You man.

If you are Sarah McLachlan, don't read this post. Actually if you are Sarah McLachlan, call me and we'll talk about it and then I can blog about my phone call with Sarah.

I hate animals. I read Fuck You, Penguin everyday and laugh my sick little heiney off.

Now don't get all bent out of shape. I don't run around abusing dogs or kicking cats or make squirrels target practice for my slingshot. I would never harm an animal unless it's for food or self defense. So this isn't some "lets kill and mistreat animals" post. It's a "lets back off on how cool pets are" post.

The main reason for such an aggressive stance? I am allergic to them.......All of them. Every single breathing land creature besides a fellow human (but still stay away from me) shuts down my airways with severe asthma, causes non-stop sneezing, and painful itchy and watering eyes. This is not a cute little flower pollen allergy or hay fever. This looks and feels like the monkey disease from Outbreak. A prescribed super dose of anti-histamine, means instead of 5 minutes of reaction time to animal dander, it gets pushed to about 30 minutes of time.

Does that mean that one single person cares about my plight? Of course not. They only care about their own needs to have the mastery over a creature who's lifespan is shorter than a Twinkee. Someone to ACT excited when they come home. They think allergies are not THAT bad. Oh really? I may not hurt your cat, but I don't have a problem giving you a punch to the ribs and euthanizing your old ass at the vet.

Where's the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to S.Vincent? Where's my tear jerking montage? Where's the photos of me looking pitiful and helpless? Where's my self righteous rent-a-cop to come pull me out of a dangerous home?

This whole tirade was started by last weeks "Stuff you Should Know": How hypoallergenic cats work. Basically, there are a bunch of scientist messing around with cat genes and breeding to create a cat that doesn't secrete the fluid that causes an allergic reaction. They figured it out and they cost about 4 thousand dollars and isn't guaranteed to work. It's not exactly surprising news in a society where we tinker with just about everything. The surprising thing was that ONE THIRD of cat owners are allergic to cats......

WHAT!?! Read that ish again and tell me you are not flabbergasted. I have had enough with the whole love my pets charade.

I find it absolutely RIDICULOUS that people would put up with their allergies or take unnecessary allergy medicine for a flea bag cat. A piece of fur that rubs on your legs, shits in the corner of your house, makes your house stink, and throws hair all over the place.

In a world where we all have trouble feeding, walking, cleaning, and entertaining ourselves and possibly other human beings. WHY are we wasting our time with animals that make 33 percent of us sick? Cats are not cool. Animals are not cool. This is why we built houses and fences, people!
Fucking EVOLVE already! We invented the wheel and the gun and shoes and pizza. We're better than this! Stop being friends with animals because A) They don't love you, they love your food. Think I am wrong? Put yourself in a car with the door open, and then put a bowl of food 50 yards away from you. Put your hungry dog/cat on the 25 yard line and see where it goes. B) You're making me hate you and a snarling dog or a hissing cat has nothing on 170lbs of S.Vincent fury.

Plus I can climb your fuckin fence

......it's gonna last you for the rest of your life.

A visual blog of sorts today. I am super busy with work to do, but I wouldn't leave all you bottom feeders with no scum to suck.

Since it is Groundhog Day, we must acknowledge one of the greatest movies of the 20th century. When it came out in the mid 90's, I was just a young chap making my way in the world. The concept of the movie is why I liked it at first. Day after day of the same day with no consequences? Awesome. Learning awesome chainsaw ice art? Check.

But now that I am older with a lot more life experience and a seasoned appreciation of dialogue, I realize that this movie is much more than just a cool concept. Its a touching view on so many aspects of our daily lives that we don't realize are happening because the days come and go so fast. Plus Bill Murray is the M-A-N.

This is one of many of my favorite parts. If you were to capture me in front of camera in a social gathering or ceremony, you could bet a million dollars I would say something exactly like this.



Wandering around PoVegas, I managed to find this place of business. Ye should not be fooled, our specialty foods are not to be underestimated. Thusly, we proclaim our superiority for all passers-by to witness.

have you ever been experienced?

I worry too much about what I write. I realized this today while I read total strangers "25 Things" list that have been going around the blogosphere and facebook. They didn't even do good 25 things! They did stuff like, "once my mom beat me with a shovel, and thats why I walk with a limp and think of myself dirt"..... ZZZZZ.....borrrrringggggg.

Anyway, I figure if I can trod through other people's drivel because I am addicted to reading/listening whatever asinine thing you want to tell me, then you must read this because you are hopelessly addicted too. Shame on me for caring so much in the past.

I was listening to "How Stuff Works: How a coma works" and they were talking in depth about the circumstances that cause your brain and nervous system to go into a coma. Well they were describing how in a violent head collision, your brain slaps into the side of your skull. I don't know why, but while they were describing this I had a very vivid picture of my own brain moving around inside my skull. From the viscous fluid, to the pink fleshy brain, to the white slimy bones on the inside of my skull. I was very creeped out by this visualization and how very real it felt. Like I was looking from the inside of my brain out. I tried to recreate the sensation later in the day, but for some reason I couldn't get inside my own head again. Bummer.


That said it takes a lot of experience to be good enough at living alone so that you can not only enjoy it, but reap the benefits. Until about a year ago, I was just very satisfied with the idea of living alone. Comfortable in my own skin, ego and situation. But during that comfortable time, I had never really come to reap the possible benefits of zero rules. One secret is to be un-ashamed with being absolutely bat-shit crazy. Once you let yourself go, things can get wicked awesome. Say your jokes out loud, they always sound better in the open air. Wanna talk to the TV? Go right ahead, let 'er loose. There's no reason you can't sing along with the Subway 5 dollar footlong jingle (complete with hand motions!) or openly pine about how Ashley on Rock of Love Bus is the bomb. Perhaps you're angry? Go ahead a scream out a ton of colorful obscenities. Don't bottle them all in. This expressive behavior is what makes you an expert at expressive behaviors.

Why should you verbalize your thoughts? Well, practicing in the comfort of your own home is where you work out all the kinks so that you can use them on other people and blow their minds with your improvisation ability. Behind every "That swamp assed donkey fucker better watch his mouth or I'll turn his liver into paté" is countless in home repetitions of inflection and accents and slang. If you want to win on the battle field, you have to start on the practice field people.

In fact, just today I was watching an infomercial for the slim clip. Well the slim clip is basically a large dual sided money clip but advertised to look like the solution to all your problems. In describing this marvel of engineering, they begin to exclaim the numerous places you could keep the money clip discretely and comfortably where that bulky wallet could not be stored. Unfortunately for them, they forgot to include the most obvious place you could keep objects of value. Fear not, I added it in at the end of their list for the viewing pleasure of. Perhaps a fellow infomercial watcher may have been offended at my suggestion that you could shove a wallet in your lady parts, but they weren't there to object were they? So, I win! .....because........ I win!

I submitted my blog to be reviewed by a smarmy and snotty blog review service, so I am going to attempt to appease them by polishing (polish-ing? ha, no kielbasa around here) up this site and updating a few features. Hopefully a new header, but I don't have the time, resources, or education to make a super snazzy one, so don't get your hopes up. But once they finally get around to it, you guys can all laugh at me and I will join in with a fake laugh at myself while plotting your deaths. Ungrateful jerks.

got a bucket of ice water?

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This is me at my desk today, trying to keep out the light. The past week into weekend was rough on my sleep schedule since 430 morning wake up calls and 11pm bedtimes were the theme of this week with my work schedule getting another 3 hours added to it with the start of the spring semester.

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I find that I have a lot of trouble blogging when I put together a few consecutive nights of 5 or less hours sleep. The other responsibilities that I have I can push through, but it doesn't exactly take a creative intellect to verbally and emotionally abuse people all day long. Just a whole lot of bottled anger with a weakened conscience. I do my other responsibilities better when I am exhausted as a matter of fact.
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Unfortunately, even caffiene can't help stir the creative juices when you get this tired. It just keeps your eyes open. Which enables you to wish you could blog, but without the ability to put together coherent thoughts or sentences. When my schedule gets this full, more stuff gets done, but the quality starts to suffer. This means the long term goals are not met. So basically, I am a walking Circuit City. Day to day, I look up and running, but behind the closed doors, the S.Vincent corporation is hemorrhaging cash.

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I could write about a dream that I had in which I was or was watching Kanye West go through hardship in the release of a Kanye West robot that plays Kanye West songs and comes up with Kanye West ideas to everyday situations. I think I was rotating back and forth between being Kanye and watching Kanye. But I can't write any more of the details because I did not stay in dreamland long enough to figure that out. I hope it ended with a version of me in a cartoon music video.

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Instead, I will post for you a "missed connection" listing posted in the PoVegas section of Craigslist.

"You clean the Main Street Bistro most nights... I'm not sure exactly which nights but I'm pretty sure Sundays and Wednesdays at the very least. I see you in there all the time. Maybe one of these nights you could stop by for a cup of coffee after you get done mopping."

Some of you know where PoVegas is, and some of you do not. It's not big, so there are'nt many "missed connections" on there, but the ones that do get posted are classic. I check everyday to improve my outlook on life through the hardships of others. I felt that this one wraps up the kind of displaced hope we have in a better future around here.
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Now I am going to slam my head in a desk drawer for my lunch break.

because you had a bad (hair) day

didn't think guys had bad hair days? Didn't think that if a guy did have a bad hair day, he would care? Well my friend, you have never met yours truly.

My hair and I should be in counseling.......well actually, the fact that I suggested that hair could be in counseling suggest that I should definitely be in counseling, and my hair is but an innocent by-stander made of nothing but dead protein or whatever it is that hair is made of.

I have shaved it all off, had my mom cut it, cut it myself, had a random friend of my fathers cut it, waxed it, gelled it, pomeaded it, dyed it pink (seriously), bleached it blonde, grown it into a pony-tail, and even had a fun night with a faux hawk.

Due to all this chaos and tragedy, my hair has some life experience. If my hair could talk, it would say "listen bro/bro-sita......I have seen some shit"

Aside from my ghastly face, my hair is my number one insecurity. If I have to go somewhere nice with people, my butthole will tighten right up when it comes time to "do my hair". Not what I am going to wear, not what shoes go with what, not my cologne choice or which pair of sunglasses. It's all hair, all day.

What's my deal? Well, I wish I could explain it better (Blogger FAIL) but as you can see, I can't seem to feel comfortable with any one thing. The problem with all this boloney is I need my hair to be at least be a stream of pee in the blaze of fire that is this hideous visage. Maybe if it was cool to walk around with a phantom of the opera mask I could worry less about my hair.......but I don't have a good enough singing voice, so my face is out there in the open and worry I must. Either that, or just board up my front door and discard all 3 of my friends. So what happens? Well I stand in front of the mirror till I can't stand to think or try anything else and just submit the public to my latest dog and poney show (what is that anyway?)

Bad hair + ugly face = Ashlee Simpson

Anyway, my routine for the past 2 years or so has been to just throw a little after-shower conditioner in there and let it fly. It's thinning out in my advance years and without a little substance to keep it together, my hair would look like one of those dust balls from the laundry room with the rogue hairs wrapped around it.

So todays dog and poney show is that I accidentally added a little too much conditioner and now I look like a less attractive version of this. Which, if you know your history, actually makes me THIS

Olde Time Internet humour

I had a buddy in college that used to find the best internet stuff ever. PS....this is before google and blogs and facebook were invented, so it was a major feat for us old timers.
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This is a copy paste job from http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=irule, so it's not my original material. However, since I have used it for years, I think I have some rights to it under the squatters rule. Readers Note: This is much funnier if you read it aloud. I work myself into a Robert Downey Jr. impression and then pause for dramatic effect before saying F!! real loud. Even better if you can read it while a friend looks on.
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I am better than your kids.

If you work in an office with lots of people, chances are that you work with a person who hangs pictures up that their kids have drawn. The pictures are always of some stupid flower or a tree with wheels. These pictures suck; I could draw pictures much better. In fact, I can spell, do math and run faster than your kids. So being that my skills are obviously superior to those of children, I've taken the liberty to judge art work done by other kids on the internet. I'll be assigning a grade A through F for each piece:



Megan, age 4
First of all, I don't even know what this is. If it's supposed to be a dog, then it's the shittiest dog I've ever seen. F





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Kyle, age 8
You spelled America wrong asshole. Also, I could have sworn America's colors were red, white and blue. There's no yellow anywhere, traitor. F








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Lisa, age 6
Holy shit, I almost had a seizure when I saw this one. Three words: too many colors. Also, eggs aren't supposed to have ears, dipshit. F














Cameron, age 4
Terrible. F

]





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Bryce, age 10
This one wouldn't be too bad if the color were kept inside the lines, you picked a new perspective, used non-abrasive colors and asked someone with talent to paint it for you. On one hand I want to give an A for effort but.....F


>









Jon, Age 8
Ding Ding! Here comes the shit-mobile. I've never seen a fire truck that needed to be shaved. I would rather be burned to death than be saved by this hairy piece of shit.

F


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Rachel, age 7
That's interesting, everyone in this picture is white. Even the rainbow is white. Perhaps in an ideal world, everyone would be white isn't that right, Rachel? Or should I call you RACIST?
Nice try, Hitler. F



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Jason, age 6
This one would receive an "A" if the assignment was to throw as much random shit onto a paper as poorly as you can.

I've pissed patterns on snow that look more coherent than this...F



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Seth, age 4
Vrrrroooooooooooommmmmm!!!...F!





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Kelly, age 9
This was a Christmas gift from Kelly to her parents. Good job Kelly, now pack up your shit and find a foster home. If my kids tried to pass this off as a gift, they'd come home from school and find all their shit outside in a box. What a lousy gift, seriously. You give them video games and toys, and they give you some half-assed drawing with a crooked tree. I wonder how much a gift like this would set someone back. Five, maybe ten minutes to find a napkin and some markers? F

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I win. When I go into work next, I'm going to surprise all my co-workers and put up pictures of myself instead of their ugly kids and their inane drawings.

get down with the sickness

no other way to describe this kind of activity

http://vimeo.com/1778399

through the eyes of s.vincent

Didn't have anything super to write about today, so we're going with a little photo blog. The blogging headquarters and author in a series of snap shots.....
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I call it my Edgar Allen Poe water bottle. In a certain stage of exhaustion at a certain time of day, I will zone out into the weaving gray. It's a very dark and moody water bottle, maybe I should just call it Robert Smith? The coffee cup is used for about 3 cups of green tea a day. And the orange is to remind you to eat plenty of fresh fruits, just like your favorite cartoon hero S.Vincent!
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Wearing one of my favorite t-shirts. Number 1: One of the greatest bands of all time 2: It's black 3: fits great and is 100% cotton. I hate blends. Bonus points for identification left in the comment box

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I am a compulsive page checker and will check sites that I like probably 15 times a day. Sometimes out of sheer hope that I missed something from when I checked it 5 minutes ago. Seriously, I click on the site, check my email, and then check back again. ESPN.com is one of these sites. Nice picture Lance. You look like Emporer Palpatine.

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If I was to have some sort of obscure marketing logo for myself, it would have to include this fleece somehow. I wear it from September to June every single day. Again, its black, it's warm but breathes very well in warmer conditions. Has awesome pockets and sits high enough so that it doesnt get all tangled near my waist. I feel naked without it.......and sometimes I am.

The tool of the trade. Rollerball mouse. I hate sliding my hand all over a desk. Blank keyboard for security purposes and all around geek points. Plus its metallic switches are like heaven to type with. So soothing on the senses. When the old ladies get cranky, when the co-workers start yelling, it's clicky clack noise calms me right down. Gets a little tricky with intricate passwords that come up as *'s on the screen, but otherwise 100% worth it. "Plus, its so choice. If you have the means, I highly suggest picking one up"

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The doorway back out to the real world. I made the lettering for this door back in high school. You can see now that it is beginning to crack. Just like my old and tired brain.

FIRST! (and a bunch of shout outs)

Before we kick off on a weekend of blog related activities that I never thought would have blog related activities, I'll start by linking a much stronger argument to my original suspicion of Twitter being a questionable web resource. Think of her as Thomas Jefferson, and me being Thomas Jefferson's gardener saying "Hey T Jay-izzle, you know what sucks? People on the other side of the ocean." Anyway, I have said in previous posts that I always kick things off before anyone knows they are popular (moustaches, fashion trends, "pun intended", facebook at Marist College, etc. etc.) and now I will take at least partial credit for the start of a Twitter revolution. Le Resistance!

But seriously, for a more educated argument, go see Your Ill-Fitting Overcoat. If you are really interested, check out her comments for peoples rebuttals or agreements. Beamer, makes a good rebuttal against twitter hate. So that makes him the British......imperialistic bastard that he is.

On to the weekend! Spent some time down in New York City with strong YFYB supporter The Grzy and his first lady R-diculous (which I just made up). We wandered about out in the cold, rode on some subways, made a tally on the total number of animal fur related hats (15 I think), and ate some prime steak, ate some awesome burgers, coat-teased the coat check people at dance clubs, chatted up cab drivers, ate the best pancakes ever, got lost for 5 minutes in the Village, and didn't do 90% of the stuff we had planned. But we had fun never the less.

At the steak house, we met up with a friend of R-diculous who is a fashion entrepreneur and start up blogger; Mint Julep, who just launched a portion of her store online. Of course being in the presence of my blogging greatness, she offered to pay for dinner if I plugged her site. Since I knew that association with my blog often causes stores to go bankrupt, I counter-offered to pay for her dinner, give her a metro card, and take care of her children in the future when she is forced to dance the Charleston in the subway for quarters.

After I ate a cow, we all went out on the town to a place Mint Julep knew. A swanky little basement club on Bleeker that had "Finding Nemo" playing on 10 HD flatscreens and bass-laden electronic music blasting. There should have been tons of overly attractive people there, but most were very normal. So I was a little lost in the observation of it all till I spotted a victim for "Shirt or Dress" . She had to be mine! Oh yes, she will be mine. I wasn't sure how I was going to snap the picture at this small party without being more creepy than I am usually comfortable with, but then a sparkler appeared. She was entranced like a moth to the flame and whammy, blog duties complete. Keep an eye out, hopefully she posts it.

That's 4 blog shout outs for you. I bought a new camera this weekend, so once I have something thats not my shoes to photograph, we can bring back more visual entertainment for you.

Bless me father, for I have sinned

I have to admit a strange fetish. No, its not necrophilia or whips and chains or feet.......

I wanna see what's in your fridge......

I know, it's very strange, but I can't help it. I've sought help, but then the doctor said something like "we'll talk about that after you let me put my fingers in your colon to check for blah blah" I stopped listening and walked out of the office cause he wasn't going to help me. No one can.

For some, its the medicine cabinet, but that doesn't really rev my engine. I will look in there, perhaps borrow your tweezers and do a little manscaping, or check what type of toothpaste you use if I feel your teeth are spectacular, but otherwise it's an un-exciteable enterprise for me. If you are messed up, there's a good chance I have already considered what drugs you should be on or are currently on anyway, and I don't need to see a box of laxatives to confirm my suspicion that you are constipated. I can tell that by asking your thoughts on a spontaneous ab workout session.

But the medicine cabinet is for amateurs. You can close and lock the door in the bathroom and no one would ever know you looked in there. I prefer a much more personal item of the home.

Ahhhhh, the sensation of discovering treasure stored at a delicious 34-38 degrees. So many exotic and exciting items lie just behind that insulated door. With a pull of the handle that peels the rubber strip air locking the treasure; the barrier between me and your most personal items is broken.

So many things to observe. Things such as cheese preferences, condiment selection, fruit choices, milk location. How full is the fridge? How many of each item is there? Are they running low on eggs? Do they refrigerate their bread? How fresh are the leftovers? WHAT are the leftovers? Do they know you don't have to refrigerate peanut butter?

And those are just a few of the questions I may have about you that can be answered in just 20 seconds of me getting inside your refrigerator. Or as I like to call it, the window of your SOUL.

How much junk food is there? Are you getting enough fiber? Do you use light salad dressing? How important is soda to your diet? Are there many organic items? Is there anything with mold on it? What brand of pasta sauce do you like? Do you have a lot of raw ingredients or do you have a lot of processed stuff?

Ohhhhhhh golly.......I am in heaven inside your fridge. My favorite part of MTV's cribs is when they show you what's in their fridge. The only way it could be better was if the celebrity didn't know we were looking in there. Can you imagine? That way they couldn't change it and you would know exactly their innermost secrets and needs.

And thus, this is why I sneak a peek.....I need it.......just a quick one.....I swear......you won't even know I did it.

write before you read

I decided to write today before I get myself locked into reading all the daily entertaining blog updates. I spend all my time reading and thus pigeon-hole myself into making a mad 3pm scramble for my own post. This "read before writing" activity often results in some of the un-edited trash I have been putting out. Only some of the trash, because the other trash is on purpose.

Was the origin of the word "Orange" a color or a fruit first?

I don't know how to use Twitter effectively. Everyone is apparently doing it, but after 5 months or so, I am still not seeing its obvious prevelance or effectiveness on the web except for everyone talking about it. I am begining to think its all a elaborate joke like something we'd do back in high school.
"Seriously dude? you're not putting Icy Hot on your balls? What's wrong with you, it's the best thing ever. I do it twice a day it's so awesome. It makes em feel like your balls are brand new balls. You could have fresh infant balls man! You GOTTA do it!"

I have been drinking a lot of tea lately. Does that make me effeminate? Anytime I pick up a "new thing", the possibility of that trait is the first thing I worry about. I do enough borderline effeminate things, so I feel compelled to monitor myself to make sure I am only tap dancing on that line and not into full on Pete Wentz territory. I feel once you cross that line there is no going back. Kind of like a tatoo of a unicorn on a woman. Even if she were to get a doctorate, buy a big house, drive a BMW, and get a lawyer husband, you would still know that deep down she was white trash enough to display her white trashiness on her body.

Anyway, the point to that confession is that I recently found out English Breakfast is nothing but plain black tea. What Tea Master of the Universe decided that black tea can be named after the most important meal of the english day? I am pretty sure that is just some kind of marketing to make plain black tea seem more exotic, but either way, from now on S.Vincent refuses to call it anything other than black tea. Fuck the british and their colonization of tea naming without adding any significant infrastructure to that tea. This BS has gone on long enough!

Speaking of tea......again. Starbuck's has thrown themselves into a more aggressive stance on tea-based hot drinks. Fantastic idea! Something we can't burn! Anyway, they have a drink called a "London Fog". Which features one of S.Vincent's favorite teas, "Earl Grey". (a tea name that I can get behind because The Earl added something unique to his tea) It's extra bergemont-y, so be warned that you gotta really like Earl Grey to like this starbucks concoction, but I thought it was lolli (british term for Money)

And I can't think about English anything without thinking about my favorite American Express commercial.



Indeed Jerry, that was a wicked googily

lip smackin

I have been away for longer than I thought I was. That's what happens when you go on vacation. If you don't use a computer daily and miss all the feeds, it takes you 2x as long to get back in the groove. 3 days in the blogging world is like a week in the real world. By the time I made my way consistently in front of a computer, caught up on all the feeds, came up with some material, and overcame laziness; it took like...... a whole bunch of days to make a post. So lets play catch up.

New Years Eve? zilch, zero, nada. Got no call back on my hopeful date, so I sat on my couch, did some laundry, watched a Dashboard Confessional concert on the "Best of Madison Square Garden", and was in bed by 11:30. Happy new year indeed. All I needed was some eye shadow, an eating disorder, and some cigarettes and I would have been a hit emo song. Good thing NYE has never been my thing anyway. I prefer Arbor Day!

Trip to Chicago? Ooooo, I could go on and on, but I will try to keep it short and sweet.

Travel: The flight in over Lake Michigan was really cool. Seeing the ice sheets get thicker and thicker as they reached the shore was a highlight of the trip. It was also a less than 2 hour flight, so that's awesome too. O'Hare is a big airport, so the Chicago subway goes out to it, which is nice. The subway ticket machine nearly lost its life via my foot for being faulty, but the ticket prices are on par with NYC. The trains go FAST, are pretty clean, and have less homeless people on them then the Big Apple

Sidenote: The hotel was next to the biggest McDonalds I have ever seen. It was 2 floors, had escalators, flat screen TV's, an entire 1960 Corvette, and 2 drive thru lanes. It also had leather couches, a time capsule, gelato, cappuccino, and pastries.

City layout? Really good and is designed in almost a strict grid. (NYC'ers love this) The subway layout could use a little more work, but its efficient and logical enough. They have plenty of space to work with and have used it to accommodate big sidewalks, big streets, big parks, and big alley ways. There is a lack of non-franchise stores/restaurants, so just about every store is a chain. It's makes it feel a little bit like a giant mall, but its got everything so it's acceptable for S.Vincent.

Culture? I don't think I stayed long enough to get a feel for the true culture. I'm not sure it has much, and like I mentioned, there are a lot of chain stores and it makes it feel a little "un-unique?" The most signature Chicago thing I saw was Lake Michigan, Soldier Field, and the Bean. I don't know what separates a chicago-in, ite, er? from other major city residents, but I can say that everyone I talked to was super friendly and super helpful. Which is.....pretty cool to see in a big city.

Weather? Surprise! It's fuckin COLD in January. I hate using chapstick, (the muse for the title) and thankfully have never had to use it in the humid northeast in the winter, but Chicago is windy COLD, and DRY. So if you love using chapstick, this city is your "Graceland".

Food? Well, its not quite New York, but what is? The lack of specialty restaurants makes it easy to go to most of the signature places in one weekend. Alinea was awesome, but as the number 1 restaurant in Chicago, it ought to be, right? Portillo's hot dog? delicious, I wish NYC had these and I never thought of using lettuce and tomato on a hot dog. Didn't get a chance to go to The Weiner's Circle, but that looked really cool. Giordano's deep dish pizza? Overrated, but not a waste of time. I wish it had more sauce. I think if I spent another 2 days I could have gone to all the good places in Chicago. This is great if you are a visitor, but if I lived there, I would be upset.

Attractions? The Sears tower is really cool. Nice sky deck educational material and since no one was there it took 10 mins to get from ground floor to top floor. Aquarium: due to renovations there was no dolphins, no seals, no penguins, and therefore; no S.Vincent. Planetarium: as cool as any other planetarium, but I get as excited about planets as I get about botany so Zzzzzzz. Art Museum: is a very good one, and is featured in the movie "Ferris Buellers Day Off". I wish I spent more time in there because it has a ton of great peices. Second City: This was even better than I expected and I had a really good time there. The ticket price was only 20 bucks and was totally worth it. I highly suggest making it a stop if you go to Chicago.

I think that about covers my trip to Chicago. Did I mention it was really fucking COLD? I also noticed that every single building had apartments/condos for rent or sale. I could definitely see myself living there, but it doesn't have any rowing.....so it's "no go" for S.Vincent. On the bright side, you would totally get to taunt people from Milwaukee!

Random Travel Observation: I don't think it was just Blue Car syndrome, but there seemed to be a lot of young females on the move. The airport was full of old people, and young girls. So, if you're looking for a place to pick up girls, live next to a major airport, and dabble in skeevyness; dust off your suitcase and head to the Delta terminal.

New widget for Witnesses. Right now I only have one (much love to the VA), so I am the opposite of LeBron James, but I always thought putridity was better than mediocrity.