have you ever been experienced?

I worry too much about what I write. I realized this today while I read total strangers "25 Things" list that have been going around the blogosphere and facebook. They didn't even do good 25 things! They did stuff like, "once my mom beat me with a shovel, and thats why I walk with a limp and think of myself dirt"..... ZZZZZ.....borrrrringggggg.

Anyway, I figure if I can trod through other people's drivel because I am addicted to reading/listening whatever asinine thing you want to tell me, then you must read this because you are hopelessly addicted too. Shame on me for caring so much in the past.

I was listening to "How Stuff Works: How a coma works" and they were talking in depth about the circumstances that cause your brain and nervous system to go into a coma. Well they were describing how in a violent head collision, your brain slaps into the side of your skull. I don't know why, but while they were describing this I had a very vivid picture of my own brain moving around inside my skull. From the viscous fluid, to the pink fleshy brain, to the white slimy bones on the inside of my skull. I was very creeped out by this visualization and how very real it felt. Like I was looking from the inside of my brain out. I tried to recreate the sensation later in the day, but for some reason I couldn't get inside my own head again. Bummer.


That said it takes a lot of experience to be good enough at living alone so that you can not only enjoy it, but reap the benefits. Until about a year ago, I was just very satisfied with the idea of living alone. Comfortable in my own skin, ego and situation. But during that comfortable time, I had never really come to reap the possible benefits of zero rules. One secret is to be un-ashamed with being absolutely bat-shit crazy. Once you let yourself go, things can get wicked awesome. Say your jokes out loud, they always sound better in the open air. Wanna talk to the TV? Go right ahead, let 'er loose. There's no reason you can't sing along with the Subway 5 dollar footlong jingle (complete with hand motions!) or openly pine about how Ashley on Rock of Love Bus is the bomb. Perhaps you're angry? Go ahead a scream out a ton of colorful obscenities. Don't bottle them all in. This expressive behavior is what makes you an expert at expressive behaviors.

Why should you verbalize your thoughts? Well, practicing in the comfort of your own home is where you work out all the kinks so that you can use them on other people and blow their minds with your improvisation ability. Behind every "That swamp assed donkey fucker better watch his mouth or I'll turn his liver into paté" is countless in home repetitions of inflection and accents and slang. If you want to win on the battle field, you have to start on the practice field people.

In fact, just today I was watching an infomercial for the slim clip. Well the slim clip is basically a large dual sided money clip but advertised to look like the solution to all your problems. In describing this marvel of engineering, they begin to exclaim the numerous places you could keep the money clip discretely and comfortably where that bulky wallet could not be stored. Unfortunately for them, they forgot to include the most obvious place you could keep objects of value. Fear not, I added it in at the end of their list for the viewing pleasure of. Perhaps a fellow infomercial watcher may have been offended at my suggestion that you could shove a wallet in your lady parts, but they weren't there to object were they? So, I win! .....because........ I win!

I submitted my blog to be reviewed by a smarmy and snotty blog review service, so I am going to attempt to appease them by polishing (polish-ing? ha, no kielbasa around here) up this site and updating a few features. Hopefully a new header, but I don't have the time, resources, or education to make a super snazzy one, so don't get your hopes up. But once they finally get around to it, you guys can all laugh at me and I will join in with a fake laugh at myself while plotting your deaths. Ungrateful jerks.