it ain't over till.... an hour after it starts

Well, I saw it.

And the verdict is a thumbs up.

For the real Rocky fans who have seen each of the movies numerous times, its a closing chapter for the series. It brings back plenty of old characters and old story lines quite nicely and brings in some great new dialogue about the mental make-up of an athlete in the real world and being a man and a father. The only problem I had with the movie is that it was way too short. None of the new story lines got very well developed and the next thing you know you have a 5 min training sequence and a 10 min fight and the movie is over. It was almost like an extended preview of the real movie. Maybe there will be an extended version DVD with a directors cut or something, is all I can hope for. It left me anticipating watching some of the original movies to get more of my Rocky fix. Probably the underlying motive of the movie in the first place.

The sports guy didn't give it a very good rating, but I think its because he was reading too much into the background of sylvester stallone's real life. I don't understand when people bring the real lives of the actors into the movies and let them ruin them for you. Remember, its all a big show, its not real. Why can't people just pretend that they don't know that Tom Cruise, Sylvester Stallone, Angelina Jolie, Joh Travolta, Mel Gibson, etc aren't whackos. A lot of people also let it effect their enjoyment of their older movies as well. Its acting people, use your damn imaginations for a minute or two. They get paid a lot of money because they are good at it, so just put your real life in your pocket for two hours and enjoy story time, they'll still be crazy when the movie is over.

And......Rocky still does the best boxing action shots. There's not many boxing movies I can think of besides raging bull and cinderella man and million dollar baby; but Rocky has the best shots of the boxing action. I think its because its no frills. You feel like you are watching an actual fight, not some garbage "wow, I feel like I am in the ring" shots that move to fast to catch anything but a feeling like "what am I seeing?/I feel nauseus". Rocky makes you feel like you are watching Rocky, not the living in the actual character of Rocky. Remember directors: a movies job is to "show" a story, not some impossible attempt at virtual reality. There is no justice you can do an actual fight by trying to put a camera in the ring and see through the boxers eyes, just show the action for christmas sake.

Speaking of christmas, the only christmas song I can really feel in the mood for is the Linuses song for "Christmas Time is Here" from Peanuts. Simple pianos and soft singing. Puts me right in the mood without making me feel nauseus.

Isn't it funny, that Christmas decorating and celebrating start as early as humanly possible, but as soon as the clock strikes midnight on Christmas day its like the holiday never even happened? No more christmas music or store decorations. You would think that a holiday that people can't wait to start would be a holiday that people wouldn't want to end.

This Post Written While listening to: Led Zeppelin: Physical Graffiti

I got a yule log for you

Its that time of year again, and its always the same. Lots of people summing up the courage to go out there and face the "music" (ha, pun). This year I have decided to send out some christmas cards which isn't something I usually do, but I feel obligated to now. I won't go too deep into it, but basically its come to point now where if I died, I don't think anyone would care due to my lack of respect for others. It's also been over a year now since I started writing this blog. Its feels justs like yesterday which is a sad sign that I am losing track of how long I have been pathetic.

I never understand decorating the house for the holidays. It's like people don't have enough to worry aobut that they need to spend one of the precious 52 weekends we have a year to deck their house out. However, if thats your thing, go for it, I say. What I really don't get is the people who throw the lights on the outside trees all haphazzardly, or like one string of lights around the door. It looks like crap, and it draws attention to the fact that it looks like crap cause its electrictrified crap. Do it right or don't do it at all I say. Plus, what's with the colors these days? The christmas colors are red, green, or white. I'll allow blue for the Anti-Jesus peeps out there, but thats it. No purples or yellows or pinks or goldenrods or fuscias or whatever. Get with the program; its not rainbow day, it's jesus day, and according to most of the boy touching priests out there; Jesus is Anti-Rainbow, or whatever I guess. There is actually a site dedicated to bad lighting jobs, http://www.uglychristmaslights.com/.

How do manatees get so fat if all they eat is seaweed?

I've thought a lot about it, and the only cool job that doesn't exist yet is where you can get paid to sleep. Not like a sleep experiment, cause that doesn't last, I'm talking about a sleeping career. You can get paid to eat, have sex, play video games, shop, listen to music, watch TV, etc etc etc, but I can't think of any job in which you can get paid to catch Z's. If you know of one, let me know.

Rocky Balboa comes out in theatres today, and critics have been saying its pretty good. They also said that about the Yankees playoffs performance this year. I'm still going to see it tonight, but I hope they didn't jinx it.

I spend a lot of time in New York City. I love it, you get to see so many people for everything that you do. I feel rather comfortable there, but one thing I noticed is that in no where else in the world can you feel so hopelessly mediocre. You are never going to be the richest, or the best looking, or the craziest, or the strongest, or the poorest, or the dirtiest, or whatever there. Its a place where everyone is the same. It actually makes you feel hopeless and accepted all at the same time. Thats why New Yorkers are so loud brash and arrogant, anything to make a noise and do something other than just "be".

You've seen it, but I still love it

This post written while listening to: Jack Johnson "In Between Dreams"

My allergies are acting up

Before I get to the main topic, a quick multiple choice question. The answer will be at the end of the post.

Q: Concerning the garbage can on the street in front of my office, I have seen which of the following

A) a little brother of someone, stuck upside down

B) drugs stashed before cops make arrest

C) a dead cat

D) A homeless person retrieve a can, and drink the contents inside

E) All of the above


Now, there is never any excuse for a man to cry during a movie. NONE WHAT-SO-EVER! A man's superiority over a woman has not to do with his intelligence or his strength, for even those are somewhat fallable under the right circumstances. It has to do with our ability to mentally focus and stay cool under pressure. We have control over our emotions; women find getting socks to match their outfits distressing. We can not allow ourselves to get wrapped up in such girly things.

However, there may be some movies that may come close to trigger this response in a man, in which we will all agree to look the other way and chalk up the response under allergies. I find that a lot of these movies are ones that girls may not understand why a guy would have such allergies. Mostly the response comes on the realization of a great achievement in the film. A woman has never accomplished anything, so obviously they have no idea what the correct response for that emotion is. (snickering to self, deviously)

Here is the list of Manly "allergy" films, feel free to comment and submit your own films for consideration. You can never really have enough time to go over all the movies you've seen. I left out Braveheart, cause thats old to me now. Sorry, but I can't consider it anymore.

Rocky I and Rocky II: These are the only ones where it is okay. In the following 2 (there was no 5) the conclusions are to be expected and therefore you have plenty of time to man up and grasp the moment. In the first one, the "I love you" moment is great and maybe even stronger in number 2 where he says "I just got one thing to say to my wife and kid back home, Yo adrien, I did it" Wow, anybody got any benedril, my allergies are fierce during these movies.

Shawshank Redemption: The moment on this one tends to fade the more times I see it, at the end when Red is walking on the beach towards Andy. Thats a good movie right there, should have been a best picture if not for........

Forrest Gump: May be the best movie I have ever seen. Forrests grave side speech next to Jenny is the real clincher, but bubba dying was hard too, as well as when Forrest sees his son for the first time. I try to watch this as little as I can to keep the moments feeling fresh

Hoosiers: Along with Rocky, this may be the best sports movie ever made. The montage at the end with the "I love you guys" finish is classic. For some reason, I find a lot of people haven't seen this, but its a real sports fans and athletes movie.

Rudy: This movie tends to wear on me a little bit, but you can't fake a moment like when every member of the team threatens to quit if Rudy doesn't play or when he finally gets into Notre Dame reading his acceptance letter out loud by the river. Thats good acting on Astin's part, even if he can seem like a twerp at times.

Regarding Henry: Another movie a lot of people haven't seen. Its about man who changes after a horrible accident from a superficial jerk to an honest good person. This is a great film and I think Harrison fords finest acting performance, rent it. I don't have the space to talk about all the real world values and life lessons it teaches you.

Field of Dreams: "Hey dad, wanna play catch?" In fact, if you don't cry during that part, go see a doctor or therapist.

Memphis Belle: Singing Amazing grace while their plane is choking into the airfield and then finally touching down. A good guys movie. Girls will watch it for all the hot stars, but they don't understand the male bonding.

Million Dollar Baby: Damn you Morgan Freeman, did it to me again. Gotta love using Clint as a tough guy decoy. Hard movie to watch, and its harshness is almost too much, but a good film with a real life edge to it. Plus, I am a sucker for boxing.

Terminator 2: Just kidding



This Post written while listening to: Counting Crows "August and Everything After"


Answer to Multiple Choice: E

Post Pumpkin Day

I know, I know. Some of you think that yesterday was Thanksgiving. However, I have given up on that holiday. No one is ever thankful for anything anymore, and the patron saint of thanksgiving, St. Turkey, is overhyped and over used. I have turkey everyday of my life, why would I be excited about having it on another day? However, there is hope for the intelligent and elightened amoung us. Join me on a quest to change the past its prime "Thanksgiving", and turning it into a new fresh holiday with tremendous upside. Thats right, I'm talking about that underground fruit(its got seeds, so it is, ask your elementary school teacher) thats all the rage, the magnificent Pumpkin. It's a much more politically correct holiday with no animal abuse or sketchy history involving Native Americans and Puritans. Obviously the puppies are on board, so that means lots of hot chicks for all you guys out there (some of you girls too). Come on, I'm signing, you're signing, we're all signing. (got it....looks like o-needers)

I love pumpkins and this Pumpkin Day I celebrated in true fashion by having an assortment of pumpkin goodies. The list includes Pumpkin Spice coffee, Pumpkin Muffin, Pumpkin Donut, Pumpkin Milkshake, Pumpkin Bread, Pumpkin Bars, Pumpkin Cheesecake, Pumpkin Soup, Pumpkin candy corn, and of course......Pumpkin Pie. I was on the lookout for some pumpkin ice cream cause I know that is out there too, but I couldn't find any in the supermarkets I looked for.

Pumpkin is also a really great nickname to show affection......"Hey Pumpkin!". Obviously, the pumpkin is a very emotional fruit to our society, and yet somehow, we never seem to fully exploit its powers, and I feel we need to make bigger deal of it than just a complementary item for the season. It should be the reason the season exists! Think of how devistated you would be wihtout the pumpkin this time of year.

Black Friday is called black friday because retailers typically move out of the red accounting figures(showing a loss in profits) and into the black figures (showing a profit) from Friday till the end of the season.

Jewel cases for cd's are stupid. They should be nice heavy duty cardboard sleeves like the used to have for records. I don't really understand why they exist. They take up way too much space and always break. They have to be more expensive than the cardboard option too. Now DVD's come in even bigger jewel cases. Stop the madness!

I ordered a dunk and donuts coffee light and sweet for the first time ever. I now have type 2 diabetes.

Polaroid photos scare me. They are like pictures from hell. The appear out of blackness and the pictures are always kinda sketchy and they never seem real. The colors are always kinda off and the focus is real fuzzy. I think they are snapshots through the devils eyes. I bet if you wait long enough goblins and demons appear.

I watched this documentary called "Thin" the other night about a hospital for eating disorders and the people who live and work there. The obvious plot of the documentary was the hopelessness of the patients situation and to give an inside look at the enormous task of overcoming an eating disorder. I'm not sure if this ever crossed the directors eye, but the thing that was most intriguing to me about the movie was the relationship between the obese nurses and the paper thin girls.Whats ironic about the film is that both groups are killing themselves with food related activities, but only one of the groups is in the hospital. Can you imagine what the obese nurses must look like to the patients? That would be like being treated for lung cancer by a doctor who walks in smoking, or for alcoholism by the local bar owner. The dynamic between them was uncanny. It was the most hopeless and unproductive use of money, time, hard work, and emotion I have ever seen.

Gym Rule: Speaking of food......If you put the Food Network on the TV while you are running on the treadmill, you better be a chef. Otherwise, I get to pull down your pants while you are running so you fall and get mill burn on your ass.

This post written while listening to: Clap your Hands Say Yeah (self titled album)

Return of the Mack!

Your friends were not lying to you. S.Vincent is back on the streets working the keyboard. I'm feeling a little rusty so you might have to give me a few posts to get back into the groove, but with a proper warm-up, stretching, and a dab of WD-40; I should slide back in like I never left. After all, me is me and I love me some me.

These past few months I've been plenty busy and truthfully I didn't want to subject you to lame posts. There is already one Alex Bea in cyber space and that's one too many. You can have faith that I still thought about you all while I was away and understand if you had to move on to bigger and bettter blogs.

There has been plenty to write about that I could rehash for you, such as Lance running the marathon, the yankees kicking me in the stomach....again, Krispy Kreme pumpkin spice donuts, Halloween in Poughkeepsie (we don't be needin no pumpkin!) and how awesome The Departed was.

None of these topics have been burning a hole in my fingertips quite like the P.Diddy ProActive commerical though. I have only seen it twice, so I'm afraid you may be out of luck to see it for yourself. However, the holidays are coming and nothing says Christmas quite like nerds begging their parents for overpriced acne meds. I wouldn't be surprised to see it re-surface. I couldn't even find the original on youtube, but I did find an interesting verison involving a intoxicated P.Diddy.

Anyway, the best part of the original verison is when P.Diddy proudly exclaims "It moisturizes my situation, and enhances my sexy" You gotta love that. I have spent everyday since proclaiming that objects from muffins to water to homeless people "moisturize my situation and enhance my sexy" When people ask what I am doing during the upcoming weekend? ......"enhancing my sexy". Frankly, when shouldn't you be "enhancing your sexy"? The answer:.....Never.

Gym Rule: Use your inside voice! If you are a chatty kathy in the gym who spends more time working your mouth instead of your muscle, keep it down. I know that you are super excited how many underage chicks you talked to, how drunk you were, how much she wants you, what kind of NOS system you have in your Mitsubishi, and how much mass you've gained in the past 3 months; but, do try to keep it between you and whatever unfourtunate slob you managed to trap. Some of us get distracted by our own thoughts about where you rank on the "biggest douche in a 50 mile radius" list whenever you talk, and we can't focus on our actual workouts. Unlike your 3 sets of bench press in 90 minutes workout.


This Post written while listening to: Beck "The Information"

Blogging......unplugged

Going to run this post without any notes. Are you a little scared? Did you just release your bowels a little bit? No? Well I guess this blog is more important to me than it is to you.

Had another weekend up at the Brant Lake Sanitarium. The rowing up there is so awesome. Unfourtunatly, my diet gets shot to shit every time I go up there and I start back at square Zero when I get back weight wise. Thus I may have to stop those trips because they do just as much harm as good. There are some good Clarkey-o-graphs in the link from that weekend. It rained the whole time, but I'm usually not up there for the weather. The good news about that is it keeps the powerboats off the water and leaves it for the psychos to romp on. So I need to get back under my hat, so to speak, and row better and not worry so much about whether I enjoy my days. Life is not as easy as it used to be and I need to heed my own advice about performance. Get back to following my own values instead of just creating them. Thank you doctor, that'll be all for this week. (I'll be damned if I don't sound like a fat John Basedow)

The summer is ending soon. Isn't it funny how the summer is determined by the facist U.S school system? Summer is definitly not over till the end of september, but just because a majority of people have to go back to school in a few days, the summer is "over" to just about everyone. Crock of horse doo-doo if you ask me. Therefore, join me in a revolution of not considering summer over untill the First day of fall, which is on September 23rd.

So they put a starbucks in my grocery store. Normally I would be excited for such a development that allows me to keep my caffiene levels abnormally high in abnormal situations. However, I question the need for one, and apparently, so does the public. Who needs coffee in the 20 mins they spend at the grocery store? Apparently I am not alone since I have never seen anyone at the coffee stand. I think maybe they should advertise outside of the store that there is a full service starbucks inside the store. Anyway, I just feel sorry for the people who work there that are bound to be fired soon unless they attract more customers. Oh well, anyone with the job title of "barista" deserves to have some drama in their life as to employment. Plus, they didn't hire me when I applied for a job in college, so they can go straight to hell with a burning hot coffee enemas for all I care.

This post written while listening to: Boy Kill Boy "Civilian"

It's not a boat, it's a nylon covered WMD

Lets start off by saying that I originally wrote this whole thing on Monday. I put the finishing touches on it, was doing a little editing and adding some fantabulous photos; when the power went out. Of course I didn't save it as a draft but who would know that my 25 year fued with Thomas Edison would bite me in the fantabulous tooshey on that day. Anyway, I'll try to re-create as best I can but, no guarantees.

So I finally got my single up to the family lake-house after 2 years of procrastination. I knew when I first started rowing that the lake would be the perfect place to row. It has everything a rower dreams of: protection from wind, fresh water, 6 miles of water, very few powerboats. Its the sort of place I would like to live with a big scary black man to tell me I sucked and was weak with a some rusty weights and a boat and 400 cans of Tuna and carve myself out of stone. But, I don't know any black people and I hate tuna. In any case, I loaded my suspicious looking boat on top of my car, took out a loan to fill the tank with gas, put my turban on, and pointed her north.

The trip was all I knew it would be, and if you are a rower reading this, I plan on going up there every weekend I can for a little while. Give me a buzz and I'll cart you up for 20 bucks worth of gas money. The house is on the other end of the lake in this photo. I highly suggest that you go on long trips by yourself in a car if you have the means. Its a great way to clear your head. I find myself often reverting to thinking about the unanswerables. Questions like "If I lived in X, would my life be better?" "If I had different parents, how different would I be?" "What is the meaning of life?" "Could I survive in the wilderness if I had to?" "How strange would it be to have kids?" All of those things that have no answers, just random head ramblings that create more questions and even fewer answers. I try to stay away from these thoughts because they make me sleepy and distract me making a mental "top 50 best candy" list in my head.

I hate it when people ask: "Whats the most embarassing thing thats ever happened to you?" I answer that with "When I discussed all the asanine stories that I never want to relive again to people I barely know who will use it to make judgements against me and still doesn't make me feel any better about what happened"

Is there anything more disarming then a naked person? Can you imagine a situation in which you would have no idea what to say or do for about 25 seconds? When I rob a bank and need a place to hide out, I'm going to hi-jack a house naked because that would give me the time to ju-jitsu chop the homeowner and tie him up in the closet.

I think its great that Jason Giambi is growing a dirty little mustache. I can see no negatives to this development. If there is anyone on that team that needs one, its the Giambino. They only thing that could make it better is if the dugout camera spots him and Sal Fasano eating pizza in the dugout, wearing their hats backwards, and giving wedgies to Melky Cabrera.

If you are taking long drives and you start to feel sleepy, I have a solution for you. I call it the "Stay Awake Shake". This entails shaking your head back and forth horizontally in small arcs as fast as you can for about 20-30 seconds. Think of shaking your head to signifify the "no" response. The small arcs allow you to keep your eyes on the road, and will rattle your brain enough to get you to the next rest stop for red bulls and 50 jumping jacks.

On this weekend's trip, I saw an Alaska license plate. I wish I still had my travel book from when I was 10, that sucker would have been worth like 50 points.

This Post written while listening to: Depeche Mode "Music for the Masses"

Look under the rock; thats where I am.

Ah yes, the not-so graceful return. Truthfully, I've been hiding ever since the Floyd Landis debacle blew up in my face. Oh well, I'm not that ashamed. How was I supposed to know right? Apparently, Floyd didn't even know. Thus, the world of cycling rears its ugly head again, and hits me when I am down. I gotta admit, I'm surprised that it happened in the way it happened and that it was for testosterone. All this strangeness keeps my eye on it. I've been the first one to believe Lance Armstrong doping rumors and I can't make an exception for Floyd. In sports these days, doping works on the where there is smoke there is fire principle.

Enough about the cruel loss of innocence for my sporting hero's, lets talk about some real hero's: Sonny Crockett, Rico Tubbs, and Ricky Bobby! Both movies were good and I recommend seeing if you got some spare dough laying around. Miami Vice was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be even though Colin Farrell is 0-10 on proving he can act. The movie was too different from the show in order to really classify it as ruining the mood. It was more like an action flick that happened to be called Miami Vice with same-named characters. It did not feature re-made songs like I thought it would, and actually had some awesome new jams from one of my fav bands Audioslave which makes me heavily anticipate the release of that album in early September. Lots of cool cars, gun fights, boats, and exotic scenary. Don't rush to see it, but if you're stuck in the mall with a few spare hours to kill, you're not wasting money.

Vrrrrrooooooom!...............F!. Ha, a little inside joke for those of you who know the webpage, but not for Talladega Nights. It was a very funny movie featuring plenty of racing inspired humor. Not nearly as over-rated/over-done Blue Collar TV-esque, as I thought it would be. I wish I could remember some of the jokes, but it came at me in flurry a little too much for my vintage 1981 processor to handle. I can easily see this being my next Anchorman debacle in which I live a couple weeks in automated Talladega Nights response mode. I just have to see it like 3 more times. If you are a person who races other people in anything, you'll like Talladega Nights. If you close your eyes, you hear the exact same voice that Will Ferrell would use for George Bush back in the SNL days.

Gym Rules: Hey Ari, workout at home if you need to be instantly available 24/7. I forgot the very obvious, no cell phones rule. This is so obvious, that it took me a good 6 posts to remember. I don't know what else there is to say on this. I think people who do this know they are douchebags so its not like I convince them otherwise. Just understand that when I hock a protein rich loughey at you, you deserve it and must say "Thank you sir, may I have another"

ATTENNNNNNTION!....Poser! If you are not in the military currently, served in the past, or part of a body combat instructional group (meliss), or going way over the line in a paintball match.....No camo or dog tags allowed. You are not a soldier of fortune, a soldier of pain, or a soldier of anything by wearing military garb. You like the army?, then join and offer to get your head blown off for your country. Otherwise you look like a wanna-be punk defacing the value of your more dedicated countrymen.


PS: its peanutbutta jelly time, peanutbutta jelly time, peanutbutta jelly time


This post written while listening to: The Pretenders "The Singles"

I can feel it, coming in the air tonight........hold on

Oh baby I'm fricken' PUMPED! The unfourtunate thing is that it will invariably spoil this movie for me. There are two things wrong with it as I see it. One, they have been using re-makes of some of the classic songs. Can someone explain to me whats wrong with the originals? What's next, re-doing "Jeremy" by Pearl Jam? "Teen Spirit" by Nirvana? "..Streets..." by U2?

The second is that it is modernized for todays time period. I think they failed to realize that 99% of the Miami Vice generation still exists and loves the show as it was. Rather than take a chance on getting some new viewers and failing, why not concentrate on not spoiling it for the old ones. Miami Vice WAS the 80's, it caught lightening in a bottle from the fashion to the music to the cars and the cool city to be. You can't re-create that, you can only re-present it to the public and hope they remember how cool it was. Modernizing Miami Vice is as risky as trying to modernize "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air". You can't re-create the enthusiasm for Lamborghini's and Cigarette Boats, because no one had ever seen them before this show. Now they are common place. Back then; there were 10 channels and rotary phones, so you could open eyes with amazment a little easier than the instant information era.

I re-watched the pilot episode and as Bill Simmons already pointed out, I still get chills when Crocket pulls over to the pay-phone to the opening riff of "In the Air Tonight" on their way to a deteriorating undercover rendezvoux and says:

"Caroline, I just gotta ask you something. Me and you, not how we are now,........but then.....it was real right?"

I'm still going to see it and hope. I think Jamie Fox and Colin Farrell are excellent choices, but I think we may be dealing with a doomed scenario.

Gym Rule: Hey Nick and Jessica, take it outside. Canoodling and baby talk makes everyone sick in 9 out of 10 situations. You're not on a crowded street, you're in the gym. So lets keep the foreplay for the bedroom before I spray lysol on you and have Capt. Bacne show you what real love is.

New blogger of the week finally posted. I like these photo blogs, they are kinda fun to look at cause reading can be a pain in the ass all day. It's a picture book for you mental midgets out there.

"Yeah Sonny, it was real"

This Post Written While Listening To: O.A.R "Risen"

The Anti-Lance

I hate to turn this into a Lance bash, but after re-watching this stage that I ended up staying home from work for to see, it had to be done. You see, it's not that I hate Lance Armstrong, I hate the character. I don't know Lance personally but I do know cycling and the tour and what an athlete is. I hate what Lance made this sport and the mindless way in which he got the masses to follow the hype. I hate that he was first and that he did it in such a way that Americans will never know what this tour is really about. He changed everything, but for the worse, and he brought America with him.

If you're a baseball fan, he's Alex Rodriguez. Except theres no NY media to rip him apart that knows what cycling is. I love that he's turned his fame into a way to raise money for cancer. I think however, that its the only great thing that he's done.

You see, Lance is a phoney winner. He won the tour so many times because he owns his own team and solely focused on the Tour. Like a child who has the only Nintendo in the neighberhood and plays super mario brothers all day and then is smug about beating you in it when he invites you over. It was amazing the first time, but even then it was a mental win. Not the type of drama a 21 day race is supposed to have. Lance won by playing with his calculator more than anyone. He deserved to win, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. Thus, the reason why everyone in Europe despises him for turning their race into a math contest instead of the rolling soap opera it used to be. The reason why the french hate him is not because he won their stupid race, but because he won it in the wrong way; with his head instead of his heart.

Today, the fans were awoken from their coma, and Floyd Landis on Stage 17 was the adrenaline shot to the heart via Pulp Fiction. On stage 16, Floyd was stricken by dehydration and got dropped back over 8 minutes from the lead. This is a tour death sentence, so much so that everyone made that the story of how unfourtunate it was the Floyd's last tour would lost in such a demoralizing manner rather than a real shot to win. You see, Floyd has a hip that is so damaged from being broken, that he needs a hip replacement after this race. As you can imagine the pain is excruciating. Did I mention that no one has come back from this surgery to continue a professional riding career? Yeah, lance was lucky to escape from cancer, no doubt, however no one would argue that he was 100% healthy when riding. No one would argue that at best Floyd is at 75%. When Floyd charged down that last descent to the finish line, after having the lead for almost 4 hours and regaining almost all of his time lost from his bonk on stage 16, the fans gasped for air, clutched the 400cc needle in their heart and let out a big "holy SHIT!"

Floyd was just plain angry. Sick of armstrongs shadow, sick of the sympathy, sick of himself, sick of playing by the "rules" laid out by the former 7 time winner. Heres why he was so different from lance. He attacked with a reckless abandon. Lance has never taken a shit without planning for it 48 hours in advance with 6 coaches, pre-planned toilet paper, flushing the toilet 5 times before he goes, and a special Lance yellow airhorn to announce that the bowel movement will begin. Floyd didn't give a cocky look back at the competition to say he was going, he didn't wait for his team mates to help him, and everyone and my grandmother didn't know he was going. Lance won by going when everyone else was weak. He never challenged anyone, just waited until they were tired and then rode away. Thus, I watched almost no tour coverage from 2002 -2005. I couldn't take the boredom of watching the peloton ride around France for a month with nothing happening in the standings. The tours would go like like this......Armstrong places 2nd, 3rd, 15, 14, 10, 20, 3rd in a mountain stage to take yellow. Then rides in the peloton for 3 weeks.

Floyd won on an attack from the main field that started from the first pedal stroke. Lance has never done that. Never shown that kind of dominance for that long. Floyd was emotionally destroyed on stage 16. There is no way that any rational athlete would think that he could do anything after your body getting ravaged by a bonk the day before. Somehow Floyd put it all behind him and rode away from the best riders in the world, by himself, for over 5 hours. When he crossed the line, he looked pissed, not happy, not lance stone faced. He raised the most tightly wound fist I have ever seen. It was beautiful. Lance's performances never made me want to cry, Floyds stage 17 did. The greatest stage I have ever seen since LeMonds time trial in 89. Some cyclist are calling it the greatest stage ever seen: a miracle. I don't know about that, but the tour is 100 years old, and I'm only 24.

Unfourtunatly, I can't bring the drama of the Tour to the masses. No one can put something with so much history and personal experience by just words on a page. It would be like trying to explain what High School is like to person who was home-schooled and vice versa. However, what I hope the 2 people who browse through this rambling can take away is that Floyd Landis returned real cycling to the fans from the grips of The Armstrong Law. Whats more fun, a guy with all the tools and physiology winning by :30 secs? Or a guy with a broken hip, disadvantged with a sub-par team, winning by :10? To me, that's a cyclist. A dashing, reckless, noble, fear-less warrior.......aka an Anti-Lance.

Now: no more cycling posts after this, I swear.

Oh Phil, you sweet little english muffin.

Ever since that phoney Lance Armstrong has left, the tour has been great. It's wide open heading into the mountains and I've finally found myself interested in this awesome event again. One of my hero's from the past is this guy on the left. Italian super sprinter Mario Cippolini. He's He actually holds the record for most Tour stage wins. However, he may be the best styled athlete of all time. Which is why I really respect him still even though he retired about a year ago. If you ever wonder why I wear crazy stuff when I work out and care more about how I look then, than at a wedding (even my own someday), he is the reason why. He was like a rolling fashion show; the bikes, the outfits, the sunglasses, he had it all. He's nafarious for breaking uniform regulations (bet your surprised to find out they have them), but when he would suddenly come stamping out of a about 150 riders in a straight away you knew it was over. I am comfortable enough in my own sexuality to say he may be the most attractive man I have ever seen. I wish I could quit you Mario. Anyway, here are some other pics of "The Lion King". #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7. Hes the real missed rider on the tour that retired, not Lance Over-hypedstrong. Mario was vain and pompous and he wasn't ashamed to be that way and show it in the way he rode and dressed. Lance thought he was a humble warrior when the opposite was true.

Although Mario is gone, there is one tour figure that still is performing at the top of his game. Sweet Phil Ligget. He might be the best announcer and play by play man in sports. So much so, that he is the only choice for anything done on two wheels. I can't tell you how many naps sweet phil has caused me on the weekends while I watch the tour, only to gently wake me up with his voice somehow when things get interesting.

Now, hopefully I can reconstruct what little faith you have in my hetero-ness with this smokin hot pic.....Better? No, don't thank me, thank Rebecca.

You know what would be the coolest thing? If there was a surprise national holiday. A long weekend that would be released on a Thursday at 5pm to the public by the president. Just a random weekend that no one would know about. Kind of like an adult snow day. Wouldn't that be cool? Vote for S.Vincent in '08.

Gym Rule: Hey Arnold, no posing till you get some muscle. This especially goes for parts that you have take clothes off to reveal. The number one offender on this is abs. Some fart knockers with one ab feel the need to show it off while he is doing bench press inbetween sets. Put your effin dough away pillsbury boy. You got a mirror at home that you can bop your bishop to, you're grossing the rest of us out with your lack of any discernable definition.

Late edit: I just noticed that Jason Giambi, Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire, and Rafeal Palmero all wear number 25. Is that way too coincidental or what?


This post written while listening to: Elliot Smith "XO"

Back to Back To Back AAU National Champions

I'm not even going to explain this if you don't know what it is. But for those who do, can you imagine any better statement to entice you to buy something than this? I don't even coach this sport and I want to buy it because it might have the secret to world peace, the location of the holy grail, and whether or not Lindsay Lohan got a boob job or not all in one video. Plus, The crime dog endorses it. I'm not even going to ask how much, my soul you say? So be it, I need this video.

I know this is a time for Americans to be American and eat apple pie with melted slices of american cheese on it and shoot guns and slander politicians, foreign countries, religous figures or whatever it is that an American is supposed to do, but I may have to throw a few malicious words at the worst state of the union.....New Jersey.

I know I know, its not that bad (as people from NJ would say) but when you come from the best area in the entire world, NJ seems so fricken annoying. I have to travel down there a lot because our major supplier for my company is located there. Just getting on the exit is a sign that (as my homey friends would say) "shitt is effed up holmes". It's the type of exit that the right hand lane just becomes the NJ turnpike and you can bet your pink slip that some drunk old lady (aka: anyone with a yellow plate) is going to come flying there at the last second and/or swerve out of it at the last second. When you cross the state line (Welcome to the Garden State!) you can feel that your life just took a step down the evoloutionary ladder. It's like when you find yourself eating food off the floor or watching an original MTV program; one of those self reflecting "its come down to this?" type moments.

Speaking of NJ, when is it going to take responsibility for the fact that it's foster child, Long Island, has been mooching of us for too long now. I know we agreed to take it off your hands for a little while so NJ could maybe clean itself up, get off the drugs and get a job, but its obvious that NJ is hopeless. So take your delinquint mutt back already, its obvious it doesn't belong to NY. (I got this pic while searching for pics of LI, you can't make this stuff up, its really LI)

New Gym Rule: If Droz was a member, he would tell you "Don't be that guy". The t-shirt that the gym gave you has no place on your body while you are at the gym that gave it to you. It's to be a last resort t-shirt only. Like, if all your other clothes have asbestos fibers on them. Try to be original for once in your life and pretend like this isn't your first time inside a gym, have some class.

This Post Written While Listening to: My Morning Jacket "At Dawn"

I got more legs than a bucket of chicken

No, I haven't been back on my wing kick, I just like that statement.....cause I do.....NOT. Anyway, it's becoming tougher and tougher to come up with witty and appropriate titles (read: tit-lees, hahahaha), but I will not give up just yet. It's just going to take a little extra effort, like Nicole Kidman moving from frumpy in Days of Thunder and Far and Away to; knock out in movies like The Interpreter.

If someone in customer service whips out a forced Ma'am or Sir. That's a codeword for "bitch" and "asshole".

I recently saw a commercial for clip on teeth. Have we gotten that self-conscious and lazy that we need clip on teeth now? It looks disgusting and if I catch someone with the clip on teeth, I am going to yell to the tree-tops and expose you.

you phoney

Speaking of phoney. Is it just me or are the make-up counters incredibly weird. I have no idea what the eff is up with those places. I've never really thought about it, but now that I have; I went down to the court and got a restraining order for myself for 100 yards. Not even mentioning the weirdo girls that work there. Unfourtunatly, I don't think I have the literary skills to capture this oddity, but maybe if you take a minute to analyze the next time you walk by, you'll be able to realize it too. The counters are a mixture of televangelist , plastic surgeons, and circus. They provide the belief, the ability, a little bit of tantilizing whackyness and viola!, a make-up counter.

Dove Bar: a type of Ice Cream and Soap, but never confuse the two.

Like everyone else, I hate doing stuff over and over. Cleaning things is anoying to me. I do it because I have to, but every once and a while, I'd like to get a break from laundry. Newman reveals why mailmen go crazy; "because the mail never stops!", I use this theory with laundry. I always have to wear clothes and always have to wash them. It's not like dishes, because you can always have disposable plates/order in. Wouldn't it be nice if there were disposable clothes? Shouldn't there be? And if there were, would my mom try to wash and save them like she does with all the disposable plates?

Just cause its a great word: muff

For all the sports fans out there. Can we get a petition togethor for Fox to put rat poisen in Joe Buck's coffee? I would say the petition should be for his resignation, but he would just find work on some other network to annoy the crap out of everyone. I am so sick of his self-righteous crap. He never played sports and he needs to keep his opinions concerning player and manager behaviour to himself. I know his dad was an announcer too, but he didn't suck. Anyway, I hate games called by him and if I ever see him, he can expect to be tackled and made to chain smoke until we have to remove his larynx.

Gym Rule: Listen; I know the spin classes are a good workout and I respect them. However, Lance does not do spin classes and he wouldn't walk around the gym in his bike shoes. If you want to do spin, great, but keep your bike shorts and shoes in the classroom or out in the road, and not in the weightroom. If you were a real cyclist, you'd be out on your bike and not in the classroom. Grow up.

Post Written while listening to: ESPN's "Baseball Tonight" (I don't have iTunes on the home comp yet)

Apocolypse: Now

It was a scorcher for Fathers Day here in the Hudson Valley. That means work on Monday is kill yourself day for me. I can't quite explain what it's like; the only thing I could compare it to would be an emergency room during the apocolypse. You can't prepare for it like a pizza place for a super bowl; because you have no idea when the first really hot day of the year is going to be. Anyway, the procedure for these kind of days is "Never let them see you cry". This is South Clinton St. creedo for both the prostitutes and the heating and cooling company. It means you treat everything as no big deal and let them scream at you while you calmly yes and ok them until their brain hemorhages with senior citizen rage. Some people take their AC way too seriously and they usually don't understand that A) you're the 500th person that has called for service today B) We only have 3 people to fix AC and at average1 hour per call, thats a 24 call limit, if we are lucky C) you're not going to die. Anyway, there is only two ways I have fun in this job: I can either have fun helping people who really appreciate help, or I can power trip on you by refusing to give service to someone watch you squirm for disrespecting me. It's up to you as you can see, either way I'm getting paid and going to have a good time.

I find it a little weird that wherever the Yankees go, the Yankees suck chant follows. Started in Boston (obviously) other teams have picked it up and use it. What I don't get, is that the opposing fans don't get that YANKEES FANS LOVE IT. Why are they always in your heads? Do you go to sleep thinking about them too? Do you prey to God about smiting the Yankees before the health of your Grandparents? It's weird. Seriously, all it shows is that the opposing fans are insecure about themselves and would rather make a weak attempt to taunt us, rather than focus on their own team. If they really want to disturb the Yankees, pretend they don't bother you. Little inside tip: attention is fun and enjoyable and whether it's good attention or bad attention, it is motivational. I think this chant is started by the band wagon/casual fans of teams (even in Boston) so I think the die-hards understood my point before I made it. It's still weird though. (Tonight: the philthy philly phans started it in the 5th inning when the phillies had the lead, now the yankees have a 2-run lead in the bottom of the 8th, who sucks?)

I recently acquired a sweet computer for The Dugout, as I like to call it. Its way nicer than I could afford and I have to give some big ups to my mom and her job perks for acquiring it for me. If I ever get published, I will acknowledge her and her boss in the book. Hopefully this means more blogs, but it probably doesn't. It certainly means more nudey pics and Fantasy Baseball.

Under the headline of "Who Hired this Guy?"; The recent TV advertising campaign for Kentucky Fried Chicken, uses the background music of Leonard Skynard's "Sweet Home Alabama" Did they think no one would notice it and just like it for its appropriate southern country twang?

It's pie...and chips.....for free

Just thought I would include a little picture of S.Clinton St. for you guys who love Po-Vegas so much. The herion addicts car is that blue station wagon on the right and a new item in the back is a big wheel. Which is great for 4 year olds to escape from the police.

It's a very nice day here in the Hudson Valley and that means that the local tend to get a little rowdy round these parts. A big whiff of summer time air in PK usually includes the slight tang of Mace fumes.

Got a few more gym rules for you.....

7: Leave your make-up case at home: You don't look cute, you look like a non funny clown.

8: If you think you look foolish, you're right: This is kind of vague and general, but if you're doing a class that has you skipping and clapping and dancing and you feel kind of stupid but think its okay because everyone else is doing it........you're wrong. You look like an idiot.

8a: Hey Bill Nye, you're not the science guy: Don't do exercises that you have never seen anyone else do or that you've never seen in a book/magazine, unless you have over 10 years of experience. Like rule 8, if you think you look foolish, you're right. This also goes for PT exercises which come from the depths of idiocy to keep you paying 100 bucks a session for "original groundbreaking techniques"

I was sure that when the creator of Calvin and Hobbes retired, he would be back sooner or later. But that was like 10 years ago now. I really miss that cartoon and The Far Side as well. I used to have books of their comics. Am I the only one that thinks that those two comics were huge back in the day and that comics have been useless since? Why is that? Am I not paying attention as much as I used to or is it just that there is no reason to anymore? All I know is I used to love my far side calender for the year that I got every x-mas and tearing off a new comic everyday.

Yankee Fans: A-Rod sucks but I had him on my fantasy team for his stats, not his clutch hitting. Now he is doing neither, so i will join you in the boo parade. Isn't Bernie Williams the best? Not baseball player, I'm talkin about handshake/slap guy. He's got a different one for everybody on the team and my favorite is with Johnny Damon in which they both do a little jig that looks like they ride a horse. Downright hilarious. I also love when bernie slides in the field or on a base when he pops back up with the stylish flair. Jason Giambi homers are the best because you get to see the un-coordinated Jason home-run trot. Why is he always soaking wet? Does he take showers inbetween innings and not dry himself off? Either way, those two guys are the best and I'm glad they are here to stay.

This post written while listening to: INXS "Kick"

a watched keyboard never creates funny titles

This message is for HBO, Showtime, Cinemax, Encore, Starz, etc subscribers only. Have you ever been channel surfing and stumble across a movie that looks cool, like a murder mystery or something and you get into it and then all of a sudden they go through some twisted drug montage and midgets with surgical gloves on their heads start doing dances and stuff and you don't know what the heck is going on anymore? You watch for like another 45 mins hoping that something your seeing is gonna make sense and they are gonna pull it back to the original story and then a girl with bic pen for an arm wanders around an empty pool for like 10 minutes. All hope is lost, an hour and 45 minutes of your life is wasted.

Usually what pulls me in to these movie practical jokes is that there is a recognizable face in the movie. Not a big star, but an actor/actress with "That guy" status. The actor you've seen in probably 6-7 movies but always as a bartender or uncle or something with like 10 lines of dialogue. You recognize his face, but have no idea what his name is. (This is Danny Trejo by the way, a signature evil Mexican guy in any movie)

What I want to know is who throws money at these pictures? Is there like a completely stoned millionaire with nothing better to do with his money? Is there a production company owned by 14 year old mushroom eaters? Who signs off on this garbage, and more importantly why do the movies channels show it? I like to consider myself cultured, but there is such a thing as making art that people have a chance of understanding. That's why poop in a diaper isn't art to anyone but Bea.

This post written while listening to: Seu Jorge "Life Aquatic-Studio Sessions"

A day that shall live in infamy!

Maybe some of you have not gotten around to reading yesterdays post, but it was one of a kind. I did it over-dosed on cough medicine and about 16 hours of sleep. As you can see the syntax, spelling, typographical and grammatical errors are about 2-3 times more prevelant than any post before. I thought about trying to edit it today, but the blogger software sometimes screws up when you do that and I kind of like the sick/over-medicated post. It should give me some street cred as they say in the NBA. What an effin joke that is.

Reading it today, I don't even know what the heck I was talking about. But, since I feel much better today, I thought I would post again in a more honest and healthy effort.

Speaking of Street Cred......Idiot Athletes strike again! Ben Burgerbrain got himself into a motorcycle accident not wearing a helmet and managed to break every bone in his face and JJ "I'm the sensitive educated athlete" Redick got himself a DWI. Since I am a coach, I talk about this kind of stuff all the time. It's such a simple concept to me that I don't understand why other athletes don't get it. It makes a person like me just want to scream like a crazy person cause it makes you feel crazy when you feel like the only one doing something. People nod their heads at you and say they understand and yes it makes perfect sense and they don't get it either and then.......they're right on the other side doing the stupid thing you just spent 4 hours talking about. Anyway, here is what I think happened sometime around 25 years ago. The roles/priorities switched.

It used to be that being an athlete was a cherished thing. People idolized what they did and how they did it and their talent and their ability to perform and act beyond the normal human being. It was a position that was respected and those who wanted to be athletes held themselves to a much higher standard than regular people. Basically an athlete had the same sort of personality and values as a priest, soldier, astronaut, etc. that knew that they were special and had to follow rules and guidelines that WERE different if they wanted to BE different. Being an athlete required much much more than a standard human effort. Thats what made them great, thats what made their legacies live on and on. Gehrig, Bird, Jordan, Gretsky, Rice, Dedrickson, Redgrave etc. considered athletics more than just an activity, it was their job 24/7, and they treated it as such.

Now, I don't know how this happened. I have a few theories but nothing hard proven; but somehow athletes now believe they have a right/responsibility to act like a normal person. However, their perception of what that is is skewed by the fact that they have superiority complexes without the intelligence or the title to back it up. . They don't want to go to bed early and treat their bodies with respect and stay away from drugs, parties, suspicious characters, dangerous situations. In fact, they think that they get to party more so than normal people and they have some kind of "right" to do so. Movies and current stars hype up that the athletic life is supposed to be rock starish. Drugs Sex etc. If you look deep enough, you see that the REAL athletes don't act this way or anything like it.

I think its because sports has been much more inclusive these days than in the past. Every single kid is on some kind of sports team these days. The amount of people in college these days is nearly double the amount of 25 years ago, which doubles the amount of college athletes. The lack of quality coaching and quality athletes has created a new animal. The values got lost in an effort to make everyone feel included and now a bunch of people who have no right considering themselves "athletes" are athletes and have changed the values for all their teammates which includes the real athletes. Its the same sort of thing as a small business expanding too fast for its own good. Quality goes down as production increases beyond the means of control. Defects/bad product increase 2 times as much the amount the company expanded.

How do we fix it? Better coaching, less athletes, better role models in pro sports. We all chastise people like Bobby Knight, Bear Bryant, Coach K for being too hard on the athletes. Basically, the athletes are way too pampered at the basic level and there needs to be a radical move back to the past. Discipline once they are already in is almost useless if coaches and athletes don't start chaging the way the athletes are developed to begin with. The discipline doesn't change the way people think and act, just punishes them for what they do. The hype and image of how athletes act is in a viscious cycle of mediocre and bad athletes acting the hyped/skewed image and taking all the athletes down with them through peer pressure.

The media can't help us because the major sports are way to infested with bad seeds and they wouldn't have anything to show if they secluded the athletes who are problems. So the movement has to be from the ground up.

New blogger of the week is updated today too. Is she available? I would marry her in a second. Then again, I would marry a Krispy Kreme in a second too.........Maybe she likes guys who would marry Krispy Kremes?

This post written while listening to: Sufjan Stevens "Come on Feel the Illionoise!"

Can you smell..... what the Rock is cookin?

I think the world needs more of the Rock these days. There are far too many affeminate men out there in entertainment and a little bit of the rock in all his glory would go a long way.

I have beent hinking about putting up a list of Gym Rules for dummies ever since I started this blog and I am just now getting up the confidence to start writing it down formally. I take this very seriously and I would not want for it to be some half assed attempt that I would curse myself for later on. However, all this pent up aggresion is finally starting to get to me and I think that since it is the gym season and summer is upon us, that I put soemthing togethor for all the amateurs out there.

The most important thing to remember is that you can't be saved from yourself. The easiest way to not look like a d-bag in the gym is to not have d-bagness in your genes to begin with. These rules will not help you not be a d-bag if you are one, because these are just very general simple things having to do with appearance and basic techniques that only scratch the surface of an entire person. They cannot save you from yourself or change who you are. If you notice that you have broken or consistently break some/all of these rules, just stop going to the gym; there is no help for you.

1: More Clothes is always better than Less. This is probably the one cardinal rule to help you from getting ridiculed. The gym is a microscope, everyone looks at everything, and you can bet all the money you have that if you are not a 14 session per week member that you are not the best looking physical specimen there. So keep your pasty skin, fat rolls, and hair under some clothes. You are there to sweat anyway so you might as well get the most of it. When in doubt, wear more clothes. It keeps the equipment dry too.

2: Tank Tops/Sports Bras are for competitors only. You do not get to wear a tank top or a sports bra as your top unless you are a competitor in a show. They are the only people who know why they are wearing a tank top to begin with, therefore they are the only one allowed to wear them. If you wear a tank top, it means that you have something that you want to be seen. So unless it is something special enough for a panel of judges, keep it covered. You are not outside in the heat of the sun, and the gym is never over 70 degrees, so you are not over heated. Cover your sausage arms and backfat please. In a perfect world only about 5% of the gym membership would be allowed to wear less than baggy t-shirts and pants.

2b: Your clothes should make sense: You don't wear pants and a tank top unless you are a competitor doings arms. You don't wear tight shorts unless you are a competitor doing legs. You are there to work out a specific area so your outfit should reflect that. But refer to rule #1 in all outfit decisions.

3: Gloves are for Fags: I don't like using such a un-PC word, but it's true. Gloves are the first sign that you don't have an effin clue about working out. If you are a rower, think gloves while rowing, same principle applies. The fitness magazine photos show people wearing gloves because they are paid to do so, not because they actually use them.

4: Shut your effin mouth: Keep your theories about fitness to yourself unless you are a pro card owner. If someone asks, speak softly and don't advertise yourself. There is no one way that anyone has been successful at physical fitness, so if you think you've got it figured out, you are wrong and presuming otherwise shows you're a stupid ass. Remember, being a non-d-bag would prevent you from doing this in the first place.

5: Be Aware of your Surroundings: This covers a lot; means that you are in gym, so you should be working out and not talking and parading yourself around. It also means you should be working out with some semblance of a pland and put the weights back where they belong adn that other poepl are probably waiting to use the machine that you are using.

6: A little grunt when you have 400lb on the 5th rep of a squat is okay. On the first rep of 30lb dumbbell curls is not. Grunting, wheezing, yipping, etc. is very annoying, stupid and useless 90% of the time. You never ever grunt unless you absolutely have to. this should be your last dying noise you make. So if you grunt more than once in a set, you're an idiot.

Tried to keep it basic for now, and I may add more if I notice something in the next couple of days that I forgot.

I know I'm a bum right now, and thats all I have to say about that.

MI:3 is the best movie I have seen this summer so far (and I have seen them all). I know alot of people have bad feelings about Tom Cruise and that is understandable, but put it behind you. The guy is an actor in a movie. Don't sacrifice your enjoyment cause the guy is a lunatic in his outside life.

S.Vincent has been coming to cities near you on many weekends so keep your eyes out for him. He is the traveling loser and has been making trips all over every weekend this summer. He is sick from lack of sleep and allergies, but he's tan and has been sporting a faux hawk which is a red light on the the dashboard of the fun-mobile. 80's hits and independent jams on the iTunes and a lack for the self esteem of others and you have a prime time performer.

Rotten Tomato Time: I think I have covered this before in fact I am almost certain of it. But since it just happened again and I am stillso very angry about it. Don't ever tell me what the eff you do for a living over the phone. I could not cate less at all and it only make me angry that you have the ego to think that your job would have any bearing on how I am going to treat you, respect you or set up work for you. I HATE it.

This Post written while listening to: Bloc Party "Silent Alarm"

Idiot: "Joe?, Joe who?" .......... Wise Ass: "Jo-MAMA!"

I love the out of nowhere your mama jokes. Yes, I re-live high school on a daily basis and let it effect my daily decision making process, and how I converse with other members of society. Like you don't!?

I would like to give some props to my boy at the LaFarge Barge Company. This is an all time first for me in my 15 years of rowing on the Hudson. He slowed way down when he saw me approach him in the opposite direction, so I spun quickly in order to get as much of my peice in before he would eventually pass me and his wake would cause me to stop. To my absolute astonishment: He stopped, waited for me to get ahead and then paced me down the length of the river so that his wake would not hit me.

The entire 35 min peice! I could not believe what was happening. Barges NEVER wait for rowers, they slow down slightly, but they never have the time to go only 6 miles in 30 mins. Rowers understand that the drivers have a job to do and they can't wait for us to piddle paddle stop piddle paddle again. Hudson River rowers have dealt with this as long as there have been barges and rowers, so you can understand my surprise to see such an outward gesture towards me.

When I hit the dock I gave him a big wave of thanks. I wish I could have done more to show my aprreciation, but my personal marching band has Thursdays off. I don't know if he saw me, but Mr. LaFarge Barge driver...this Bud is for you....you are a King amoungst insects.

This week I have been forced to encounter 3 things I absolutely HATE. So the newest edition of Seans Rotten Tomato has multiple subjects. Leading off is Graduation Ceremonies. I HATE them, 4-5 hours of sitting around for :10 secs worth of actual enjoyment. I swear to God if my parents didn't force me to go to both of mine, I would not have been within Nuclear Fallout range of either of them. I had to go to my sisters, but I was angry for all these kids that had to sit through this disaster of human culture. You spend 4 years EARNING a degree and then you have to wait 5 hours on a hot lawn in a stupid outfit like some kind of jack-ass initiation to feel honored to recieve a degree. Eff YOU, its MY diploma, give ME the effin thing I spent 4 years and 80 grand for and SPARE me the pompus BS. Imagine if you spent 80k on a new car and had to wait 5 hours out in the hot sun at the dealership while they told you and your family how good of a car you got. It's absolute BS and I refuse to listen otherwise. Give them what they deserve and lets get the eff on with life like normal people.

Second goes to morning radio. I just absolutely HATE that crap in the morning. I'm not the mood for inane jokes and loud stupid voices and 5 million commericals. Why doesn't ONE station play music? I am forced to listen to classical because they are the only ones who seem to understand that a music station plays EFFIN MUSIC!

Third goes to those goddamn Fanta Girls. Otherwise known as the "Fantana's" I hate everything about them, their soda, their attitudes and their god-awful song. I swear on a stack of bibles if I ever run into them I am going to rub their fake smiley faces with high-grit sandpaper until they are raw and then hold their heads in a mixture of saltwater and lemon juice. Ummm...yeah!

SportsCenter was especially good this morning. I love everything about that show, and the quality has remained consistent. Great catch phrases and references to movies that SC viewers know and love. Antonio McDyess proved his brain is a coil of wrapped up shoelaces and used the word "controversity" without blinking an eye. Full-time/long-time baseball geek Greg Maddux pulled a Paul O'Neill and went apeshit on a water cooler. I don't understand why more players don't do this more often. I LOVED when Paul O'Neill would do it. The coach for the U.S. Mens Soccer Team has one of the most painful sounding lisps I have ever heard. I have no idea how you can be a productive coach with that kind of a speech impediment. Maybe why the US is going to get slaughtered in the World Cup this year.


This Post written while listening to: The Chemical Brothers "Dig Your Own Hole"

Raging against the machine

So on one of my many visits to crummy hotels the past month, I lost my cell phone charger. Now, as many of you know, I have the original Zack Morris phone and losing this charger would almost certainly mean the death of my beloved phone. (complimentry Kelly Kapowski photo) To think she was on my TV every saturday morning........(dreamy face)........

ANYWAY,
No colors, no texting, no pictures, no phone books, no colors, no # or * key, no cameras, no bluetooth, no voice recognition, no ring tones, etc. All those things I have come to appreciate and enjoy. I was however not going to go down without a fight. My mission should I choose to accept it; would be to scour the continent (mall) in search of the holy grail of phone chargers.

I had come to appreciate my phone, it was MY phone. I was the only one who had it, never had any problems with it and it got the job done 24/7. I had resisted for so long that it seemed like a slap in the face to have to go back now. I had to fight for my phones sake. I am worthless, but my phone is an antique. As you can see, this was more than just your standard lost charger, this could be the end of an ERA.

Anyway, I scoured the mall electronic shops and cell phone stores for my beloved charger. The floor monkeys would ask for a model # and I would reply "Model number 1 sparky, get outta my way and go help some 4 year old with his playbox or whatever it is"

Nonetheless, I was denied on all occasions. Which is quite an accomplishment, because there are at double the amount of cell phone stores in the mall than I thought going in there. Next time you are in the mall, you should check that out for yourself. They kinda go unnoticed. Anyway, on my way out I ran into a "kiosk" (see: rolling cart) in the middle of the mall. I figured I had nothing left to lose anymore since my life was over, so I asked the recently employed at "Big Jim's Choppers and Cars" mechanic, if he thought he could help me.

Eureka!

He didn't have it but he could order it for me. So now we play the waiting game........


So there is a former herion addict that lives above my office building. A very nice lady who has kind of cleaned up her life, but the jury still isn't out yet on that verdict. We need more evidence before that, but I think you would find the contents of her car very amusing. First of all, its a 1984 Plymouth Valient station wagon. The color is severly sundamged navy blue with a wire coat hanger as a radio antenna I shit you not. I can see into the back of it because this is before window tinting was invented. Inside there is: A monkey wrench, a parking cone, a rusty bathroom faucet, a bongo bat, a coloring book, some loose wire, a black grabage bag, 2 broken cd's, and a dustpan. (PS: probably the most disturbing photo hunt I have ever had, I feel kinda bad for making fun of them now)

I really really like the resurgence of glam rock these days. I was getting soooooo sick of the skater punk bands. Being a forever Scott Weiland, Trent Rez and Bono fan, the slummy skaters never got on my good side. Thank heavens for 30 seconds to Mars, my chemical romance, and all the other new bands coming out with the good stuff....finally. NIN, STP, Smashing Pumpkins, would be proud. I thought I was never gonna have new glam rock to add to my collection, but now that it is finally getting a foot hold again, I can sleep at night.

This weeks blogger is not neccessarily funny, but he seems like a bizarro me. As in if I had a twin who was just a little different than me and lived in Michigan, he would be him. Plus, he uses the word "epic" which is one of my favorite recent words along with "poopyshit" as one word.

This post written while listening to: 30 seconds to Mars "A Beautiful Lie"

It is....ALIIIVEEEEE!

hey sports fans, those that I have left anyway, sorry for such a long sabbatical. I got very busy with the local sports team and I had no room left in my very tiny pea brain for keeping blog thoughts. Nonetheless, I am back and in full attack. Expect to have your usual "at least once a week" post back in your daily routine. I find a lot of what I say redundant and I don't know how you put up with it, but just as I won't question Bea's sexual preference, I won't question success. Let the sleeping tiger sleep I guess.

In my daily pursuit of greatness, I often need to use an exorbinant amount of caffiene. Thus, I explore all options of coffee and energy drinks. It seems that new products come out as fast as I can consume them. It has lead me to wonder where it all started. We used to have folgers thorugh a peice of paper and be happy with that. Most will argue that this whole trend started with the explosion of Starbucks. However, coffee houses have been around for a pretty long time before Starbucks (which was a coffee house in Seattle turned franchise). Somehow, our culture demanded this to occur otherwise it would have never taken off. This "coffee style" made its way into the clothes/wine/cigar/food/cars lifestyle area and now we all want to be in the club. Somehow these days, you have to express yourself through your coffee. It is a cheap and easy way to be hip. All of sudden coffee is like wine with blends and aging and location growing. People all want to be coneseurs, and 3 dollars a cup doesn't seem to be too much to ask. Plus, with the addictive powers of caffiene, we can't help but be addicted to it. Coffee is the new cigarettes. Roll that one over in your brain for a little while. As a country, people need to be sold and we all think we can be something greater than we were. It's all part of what makes this country great and terrible. The belief that the oppertunity is out there and is a right protected by the government. We all think that something we buy can make us better than we are and that we deserve it, instead of how we feel and our compassion for others. It gets our selfish confidence up and we think that because we have "this" education, make "that" much money, and "drive" that car, and read "that" book, live in "that" area, and date "that" guy that we are some kind of elite and our opinions are somehow better and truer than even our own people. The freedom of individualism, like anything else has its pros and cons too.

Haha, like how I turned coffee into a discussion on socio-political America? Since I hate politics, lets not talk about coffee again.

This past month, I haven't been working out nearly as much as I should, but let this post be the declaration of the "Summer of S.Vincent". I intend to rebound like a super ball and jump back into my former self only greater than in the past. I think everyone tells themselves this, but never doubt a masochist when it comes to exercise. Little peice of advice for you.

Do you ever notice that people make a LOT of promises to themselves? I think happens like once a day for most people. I wonder what the success rate is on those? 1 out of 10? Someone should do a study and publish the results. Just everyday stuff like "I am going to get up at 6am and workout" or "before I watch TV, I'll do the dishes" or "after this commerical, I'll fold my laundry". I know that might be my success rate anyway.

For those of you iTunes people. I figured out how to put togethor an iMix and it is currently in the Music store for you to purchase. It is under the title of "Po-Vegas Mix". Now I will tell you that it is quite expensive considereing that it is a complete mix of the Mayors favorite tunes to date. But, you can browse it and maybe pick out some of your favorites. I may turn out a few more and keep you updated on those, since I know all you "starbucks/abercrombie/BMW" need to keep your egos up.

Whatever happened to flip-up head lights? Remember when those were all the rage back in the mid-late 80's? Someone should do that again on something other than a Miata, cause those were awesome.

Keep aware of the fact that one of my links is my blogger of the week. I will be changing that up as often as I can. A very entertaining way of keeping you further distracted from your responsibilities, after my blog has taken up some of your time.

This post written while listening to: The Po-Vegas iMix of course! (hahaha, I'll give you a new album next time)

I didn't forget it, I lost it

So I was looking at some of my older posts today and I realized that this blog has been an example of the slow downward spiral of my intelligence. I used to be witty, eloquent, insightful with orginal ideas and expressions. Now, I am getting my kicks out of poop jokes and mass marketed humor. Where did it all go wrong, where did my brain go? It seems like the pictures may have gotten the best of me for a time there. I spent more time finding visual stimulation and it has taken away from my content development. Back in the day (december) this blog used to be about the uncommon observation and indignant rants, intelligently expressed. Now, it's just a more sophisticated version of ebaumsworld. For shame! I have dishonered myself! My self punishment will be to video tape myself and let my ego suffer the realization that I am no where as cool as I think I am.

Anywho, hopefully less pictures and more content for you. I am truly sorry for the damage your brain has had to endure for the past month or so. I hope your other online reading was more enjoyable and picked up the slack that I produced. If you are feeling disgruntled, you can check out some of my older posts from December, January and some of February. I don't guarantee the pics work because that was a long time ago by the internet clock.

I think I might have officially crossed into the "I own too much crap" zone. The way I can tell is that I forget what I have and where I left it last. My camera was misplaced for a good 24 hours before I realized that I left it in a different bag. I misplace one of 5000 pairs of shoes all the time. I believe this lack of attention to these items comes from the fact that I have just too many material items occupying my thoughts and thus some get missplaced. I never had this problem when I was broke. I blame the media, they make me fell as though I need all of these items when in reality I don't. I used to live the life of a priest minus the same-sex underage molestation, now I think I am some kind of a rock star who can live a disposable lifestyle. I am a rock star, but not a stupid wasteful rockstar.

Ruh Roh! Seans Rotten Tomato (haha rhymes and everything)....... Hey! Remember Me?!?! I almost forgot about the current "sticks in my craw" responsibility. We had a ton of posts fly by without even one complaint. Todays rotten tomato is story repeaters. These are people who wait for conversations on a topic and then once they can identify with the subject matter they tell the story of how/what they did in the scenario. They are like bad comedians who have only one routine but perform it the same way over and over and over again with all the same enthusiasm. It makes me angry, especially more than twice. Same catch phrases and punch lines and lofty attitude. I'm a nice guy so I don't say: "hey rain man! you already told me the story of how you are an excellent driver, SHUT THE EFF UP!!"; But I want to.....

If you have a song between you and your significant other, please keep it to yourself, you're making the rest of us sick everytime we hear "your song"

No Pics, DEAL WITH IT!
This Post Written while listening to: Duran Duran "The Wedding Album"

Company......HALT!

I would just like a share a moment with you that made my monday. I was driving my normal route to work when I came up behind a homeless man carrying his umbrella, (see: stick with a plastic bag on top) as I approached he pulled a military gun twirl using his umbrella as his rifle. Dead Serious in his demeanor. Gotta love Po-Vegas. What happens in Po-Vegas, Stays in the liver for 30-60 days.

So they are re-doing the stop and shop near my house. At first, I was upset cause everything was in the wrong aisles and my trip time went from 30 mins to like 45 while I made circles around the place, like an old woman looking to save 5 cents on bread. Now, as I see the progress, I think this stop and shop is going to be the place to be. I might just start hanging out there full time. Theres going to be starbucks for my caffiene addiction and they got a new bank with a fresh load of skank tellers. Boo Yah, you heard it here first.

I know why my mom never wanted me to watch MTV. She was right. There, I said it.

If was to admit to one weakness, it would be that I am too nice and too eager to please. This makes me especially succeptable to people looking for handouts. I hate doing it, but somehow I am always just handing out my money to anyone who asks. I hope all this karma I am building up comes back to re-pay me with 40 virgins or something because right now all it has gotten me is a lack of respect from anyone I know. Oh well, maybe jesus respects me.......hmmmm. Anyone?, Anyone?

I know gas prices are awful and all, but why the lines at the places where its 3 cents cheaper? With a 20 gallon tank, filled all the way, you save 60 cents. Was that really worth the out of way trip and the 15 minute wait? Seriously, fricken idiots, stop wasting all your time trying to save pennies. They probably put sand in that cheap gas anyway.

With all this warm weather, I am inclined to start a petition to outlaw the manufacture of spandex and thongs in sizes L or bigger.

This Post Written while listening to: Jack's Mannequin "Everything in Transit"

Hip Hop is not Easter Music

I always considered Easter one of those reluctant holidays. Maybe "The" reluctant holiday. I know when I was younger, I was always VERY reluctant to get in Easter Clothes. Some of the other reluctant days include Labor Day, Memorial Day, Presidents Day, Easter, Columbus Day, Arbor Day (waiiit, holiday for trees?). I like it, but I get into a non-holiday work groove and I don't really like to break out of it. I think we all know my feelings on temporary change. It seems like with all the other Non-Work type holidays that easter is just kind of jammed in there. It should be moved over next to fourth of July so we can have an end of the year session (Thank-XMas-NYE) and a middle of the year session (Memorial-Easter-Ind.Day-Labor Day). I just wish we could all agree on 4 complete weeks off per year in which we could celebrate all our holidays in. 2 in December and 2 in July. It just seems like the real holidays are never long enough and the cheesy ones are always too-long. We should change that.

I think other people feel this way too and maybe they just don't want to admit it. Mayyyyyybe not. There are a lot of religious people out there still, and I'm not in the mood to be crucified over a blog for saying that Easter is kind of a useless holiday. Lets drop it before Jesus rembers all the meat I had on the past number of Fridays and makes me more fat and useless than I already am.

Is it just me, or has the car industry taken us(the consumer) hostage? They and the banks offer all kinds of financing programs to get us into new cars and somehow pay them money for cars that we don't need. Everyone buys new now, and there are no cars on the road anymore more than 5 years old, and 5000 used cars for sale. Definitly smarter to buy a used car these days, and it seems like a tremendous waste pattern going on in the US. Whatever happened to buying a car and running her until she dies. Am I bitter because this is what I have to do? Ummmm, YES! (not the awesome Yankees Network, but a confirmation of the question) In the long run I know I am much better off financially, but that doesn't mean that I don't want a sweet new ride.

Isn't it the best thing ever when a package that you order online comes like 3 days earlier than expected? I nearly did a little office dance the other day because my much needed contacts came that way. When my online "Skank Apparel" store goes mainstream, I am going to send out e-mails to the customers that say at least one week for delivery when it is actually only going to be 3 days. I'll have the most return-skanks in all of online retail. Plus, it gives me the ability to screw up a little and still get the packages out on the expected delivery time.

Are people who move to New Jersey ashamed to get that yellow plate on their car? Isn't it bad enough that you have to LIVE in NJ, without having to advertise the fact? Its like walking out of the pharmacy with a sandwhich board that says: "I just picked up Herpes Medication"

This Post Written While listening to: Nine Inch Nails "With Teeth"