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I'm not even going to explain this if you don't know what it is. But for those who do, can you imagine any better statement to entice you to buy something than this? I don't even coach this sport and I want to buy it because it might have the secret to world peace, the location of the holy grail, and whether or not Lindsay Lohan got a boob job or not all in one video. Plus, The crime dog endorses it. I'm not even going to ask how much, my soul you say? So be it, I need this video.

I know this is a time for Americans to be American and eat apple pie with melted slices of american cheese on it and shoot guns and slander politicians, foreign countries, religous figures or whatever it is that an American is supposed to do, but I may have to throw a few malicious words at the worst state of the union.....New Jersey.

I know I know, its not that bad (as people from NJ would say) but when you come from the best area in the entire world, NJ seems so fricken annoying. I have to travel down there a lot because our major supplier for my company is located there. Just getting on the exit is a sign that (as my homey friends would say) "shitt is effed up holmes". It's the type of exit that the right hand lane just becomes the NJ turnpike and you can bet your pink slip that some drunk old lady (aka: anyone with a yellow plate) is going to come flying there at the last second and/or swerve out of it at the last second. When you cross the state line (Welcome to the Garden State!) you can feel that your life just took a step down the evoloutionary ladder. It's like when you find yourself eating food off the floor or watching an original MTV program; one of those self reflecting "its come down to this?" type moments.

Speaking of NJ, when is it going to take responsibility for the fact that it's foster child, Long Island, has been mooching of us for too long now. I know we agreed to take it off your hands for a little while so NJ could maybe clean itself up, get off the drugs and get a job, but its obvious that NJ is hopeless. So take your delinquint mutt back already, its obvious it doesn't belong to NY. (I got this pic while searching for pics of LI, you can't make this stuff up, its really LI)

New Gym Rule: If Droz was a member, he would tell you "Don't be that guy". The t-shirt that the gym gave you has no place on your body while you are at the gym that gave it to you. It's to be a last resort t-shirt only. Like, if all your other clothes have asbestos fibers on them. Try to be original for once in your life and pretend like this isn't your first time inside a gym, have some class.

This Post Written While Listening to: My Morning Jacket "At Dawn"