the birds and the bees of blogging

sit down over here for a minute.....we need to talk about something that may make you uncomfortable. You see ______, you know when you asked me where blogs come from and I told you someday that I would tell you when you are old enough to understand? Well, today is that day. Basically there are female blogs and there are male blogs. Men write male blogs and women write female blogs. The posts in male blogs are usually of some actual substance, usually un-entertainingly so. They include a funny joke or an observation or answer one of lifes many mysteries. This can be well planned or utterly boring all depending on said man's intellegence and his resolve to keep from wandering onto internet porn. Many times, a man will think he is accomplishing this task, when in actuallity, he is unknowingly blabbering like an ignoramous. (stop looking at me)

Most of the time these blogs are short, almost bullet point-ish lists, rather than substantial peices of literature. Female blogs are different then male blogs in that they are almost the exact opposite in which they find a way to write for hours delving into the most lush descriptions of nothing at all. They'll talk about,..... well.......them. And how everything in their 10 foot radius is related, EVERYTHING. They'll describe their feelings, their hopes, their desires, their history, the colors, the lighting, the smells........of their shower curtain. These blogs can be interesting and uniquely stimulating all depending on said woman's ability to not use the same vocabulary terms over and over, and not wander onto zappos.com or perezhilton.com

Whether they are male blogs or female blogs, they are created when one man or woman is a combination of desperate, stupid, crazy, bored, and lustful enough to take their fingers and stick them on the........ you know.........keyboard.

So, basically its just like sex! And you can avoid creating a blog by using protection. Basically that means wrapping your brain with things like girlfriends, boyfriends, regular friends, jobs, sports, social lives, and arts&crafts. If you can keep it busy, it won't wander into itself and then squirt out juice onto the internet. Remember though, to NEVER use a friend that is past it's expiration date on its packaging. That friend could have holes which could let the brain juice seep out into the finger canal and thus create an accidental blog that may have to be aborted in 3-5 months.

But there are lots of good blogs out there of both the male and female variety. Females tend to have more consistent and regular blog posts because their brain has the ability to over analyze the way their black heels used to be their favorites till she saw Angelina Jolie wearing a pair that was similar in Us magazine and, isn't she a bitch for stealing Brad? And isnt Brad a jerk for not having kids with Jen but making his own child army with Angelina and so on into infinity and I'll see you again tomorrow with a report on my kid Benjamin does on his 4th official haircut! Female blogs are always a good way to kill about 30 mins when you have nothing to do. Males blogs tend to be more aggressive hit or miss and short and to the point which can be dull and useless but at least you didn't spend a day reading his strikeout. This trait is why men are the best at leaving appropriate voicemails and women can't leave messages under 120 seconds if you held a gun to their head. They'd be crying about having a gun to their head and then forget to hang up........BANG! hahahahaha