You Commie Bitch!

Unfourtunatly, I may have to start keeping a notepad to remember some of my blog ideas. Everyday I have about 5 things that happen that I could write a blog about and when I sit down here and try to hash it out, I shoot blanks like a man from Chrenobyl. Now, this would only be done to keep with some current level of quality that I have established. I wouldn't want to give any more or any less to you. Haven't turned into a full on dorkfest yet, just an organized loser.

Speaking of Chenobyl, I have been receiving very annoying phone calls from Maria Sharapova. Now, I must give props where props are due to Micheal Assenza. Mikey exposed me to a very awesome commercial from Nike (owned by Satan I think) about morning exercisers such as myself. Nike may be the devil, but they are great marketers. Here it is, click on the big sneaker in the middle to start the program.

Anyway, if you noticed next to the link to start the commercial, there is a link to set up your own wakeup call from some of the Nike sponsored athletes. I set mine up to call me every morning at 5AM from Tennis sweetheart Maria Sharapova. Lets be civil, and just say that I was well.... PISSED OFF! The first morning, I am very excited to receive my call (and very depressed that I am excited about a recorded message) and I wake up before the call is supposed to come. The phone rings at exactly 5AM. "Yipee Maria!" I yelled and leaped out of bed and rushed to my phone. "Hi, this is Maria Sharapova with your wakeup call. Do you want me to call you back in 5 minutes?.........Well I'm not, so get out of bed or I'm going to kick your ASS!"

Excuse me Maria? What did you say to me? You're gonna do what? I was so angry and disappointed I nearly bought a ticket to Florida and say "I'm here, what you gonna do now?" She starts the convo all pleasant and then turns into a facist bitch and tries to tell me what to do! I now HATE Maria Sharapova and I hope she loses and eye and can't play tennis anymore. On second thought, I hope she gets fat like Kim Clijsters plays mediocre tennis and loses all her sponserships. Nice photo huh, looks like the belgian tennis star had herself a couple of belgian waffles before her match. Way to be an athlete.....not!.....fatso.

Anyway, the commercial and idea are still very good, but how can you not have more amateur sports where the people really do workout in the morning? No Rowers, boxers, body builders? Don't tell me that Maria Sharapova has ever gotten up before noon to train and certainly not Tom Flaming Brady.

We haven't talked about "The L Word" in a while. A couple of episodes ago, Alice broke up with Dana, her long time best friend recently turned lover. Anyway, their relationship was hot and steamy and Alice got too attached. Alice got duped(rhymes with pooped) into believing Dana just needed some time off when she really started hooking up with an old flame as soon as she got out the door. Alice has gone into a tailspin of psychotic episodes since and it has been both depressing and humerous. Alice built a Dana Shrine, and one of the peices is a life size cutout of Dana that she kisses and punches and talks to. All very funny because this is a great show by the way. What I want to know is; where would one get a life size cutout and why should I have to look for a place to do so? The life size cut out market should be huge! Just imagine how many things you would like to have life size photo's of! Friends, enemies, pets, sports stars, rock stars, etc. Sounds like a business oppertunity to me. Just let me know when you get it started and I'll send you bill for "concept fees"

Thinking more along the lines of endorsements, I just thought of something I would like to endorse; Bounty paper towels. I know this should have been in the grocery store post but I forgot about them for a minute. Bounty towels are far and away the best on the market and cost like 10 cents more a roll than the cheapest ones. DO NOT BARGAIN shop when it comes to paper towels, just buy Bounty and be happy with a superior product......Don't fuck around......I'm serious.

This post written while listening to: Gorillaz "Demon Days"

But, I AM a celebrity!

Bad news readers. I was turned down by Apple for my request to submit my celebrity playlist for disbursement. Apparently my status as mayor of the imaginary town of Po-Vegas does not meet their qualifications for "celebtrity-ism" or whatever, but Ru-Paul gets a playlist just for being a transvestite? Screw you Apple, I hope you all get worms. And, you're products are being banned from Po-Vegas, so there!

Does that mean that my dedicated readers should be forced to miss out on a great playlist from me? Of course not! I haven't figured out how to make an iMix or PodCast yet and it's not because I'm computer illiterate this time, it's just that I have never took the time to even start figuring it out. So, I'll start to put togethor a S.Vincent Playlist for all of you out there who want to get a little further inside the SVC-Dome and what makes it hum.

First of all, it has to be broken down into the subsections of my psyche. The goofy-happy side, the intense-motivated side, the depressed-sad side, the depressed-angry side, the artsy-fartsy side, and the love-machine side. I could probably make a playlist for each sub-section, but lets not go crazy here. I think I have to put up some sort of facade of "I have better things to do" than to put up individual playlists for each. (Shhhhh, don't tell S.Vincent, but if you e-mail him, he can give you playlist for each if you ask nicely)

Now, in making a playlist, which I suddenly and disgustingly realized is just as gay as a mix tape, it would only be fair to keep it standard length 12-18 songs so its not over kill and to include a depth of songs that covers as much as the standard length will allow. That said, it is only fair to include 2 of each subsection. I unfourtunatly have been gay enough on multiple occasions to make mix tapes, and even though I hate myself, I am doing it again. It wouldn't be very masochistic of me if I didn't, and we all know I live for the masochism.

What makes Apple's celebrity playlist so much fun is that the celebrities put a little blurb about why they like each song and what it means to them. In making a mix tape, you can't get too caught up in the past (there is always time for another mix tape), you need to fit the purpose of the mix tape as adequately as you can and get the product out. Recent songs that you may dislike later, or will be or already have been overplayed the hell out of them by radio and TV, cannot be stressed out about. Put the songs on you like and have no regrets, if it's not you, it's not a quality tape. If Ashlee Simpson speaks to you, she speaks to you. You may be a tard, but you're not a tard in denial.(If you think I don't know this topic was covered in High Fidelity and plan on ribbing me about it......BAAHHH, Wrong!)

Here we go!

Track 1: U2, "Where the Streets Have No Name, Live from Boston" Intense motivated side. This could be the best song I have ever heard. The first CD I ever bought was the Joshua Tree when I was 11 years old. The problem with U2 songs is that you know that there is a live cut somewhere which sounds 5 times better than the Album version. Best Rock Band ever period. I don't want to hear any arguments, they just are. If you like U2 even a little bit, you must see them live before you die, and hurry up.
Track 2: The Cure, "Friday, I'm in Love" Goofy happy coming at you. I could listien to it on loop. It reminds me of 5 AM workouts in high school because it was always on the gym radio. This song introduced me to The Cure which will make more apperances here I bet.
Track 3: David Bowie "Life on Mars" Artsy Fartsy. There is a live cut out there with Arcade Fire which is very good too. I have no idea what David Bowie is singing about half the time but I love his style and music.
Track 4: John Mayer "Something's Missing" Depressed-Sad. I like the live version from Any Given Thursday, but the album version is good too. Mayer is awesome because he definitly has the gift of putting togethor great lyrics that sound good and mean something to him and he expresses it clearly. Great Axe player too. And I like the funny faces he makes.
Track 5: Joni Mitchell "Both Sides Now" Depressed-Sad. This may just be the saddest song ever written, keep razors and sleeping pills away. Gives me goose-bumps, her voice has lots of passion and the lyrics are heart-breaking. Nuff said, I don't care how soap opera watching old woman it is.
Track 6: David Bowie and Queen "Pressure" Intense Motivated. Unfourtunatly this songs gets way too much air-time and ruined by vanilla ice. But if you can forget all that BS there is a great song underneath. Just pretend your hearing it for the first time.
Track 7: Beastie Boys "Shake Your Rump" Goofy Happy. The Beastie Boys say they don't like this song as much as they used to because they have to play it live all the time. However, I played it everyday on my way in to high school full blast in order to try to establish it as my theme song and although I failed miserably, its still a great song. No one writes better rap lyrics than MCA, Mike D, and Ed Rock. Brooklyn Jew Geniuses.
Track 8: Damien Rice "The Professor" Artsy-Fartsy. Could Definitly be an Depressed-angry track, but Damien rice is just so damn talented that I enjoy this more for his musical ability than his ability to speak to me. I really really hope he has another album in him.
Track 9: David Gray "Sail Away" Love Machine. David Gray is smooth and his lyrics just scream "lets cuddle for a couple of hours". Everything is soft and you never feel like he can ruin the mood.
Track 10: Sade "No Ordinary Love" Love Machine. Some people think she is cheesy, but her voice is so unique and carribean that you can't help but be carried away to some beach or on the deck of some boat. Background music always seems appropriate. If she doesn't make your pelvis tingle, it ain't ever gonna tingle.
Track 11: Fiona Apple "Sleep to Dream" Depressed Angry. Gotta end with Depressed angry songs. Cause thats how everything ends. Pissed off. I think I love fiona so much because I would love to date someone as crazy as her. It would be wild. Her lyrics are great, you can tell shes got a lot of shit goin on and shes not holding back.
Track 12: My Chemical Romance "I'm Not Okay" Depressed Angry. They might not be around very long, but I love the glamorous screaming anger. It kinda reminds me of bullet holes through fake leather. They make good videos and I don't know much about them yet, but so far I like it. Don't hold me to it. Eye makeup is always good.

Wow, this took a lot out of me. No pics this time, but I might add some later. I definitly debated with myself a lot, but there it is. Maybe I'll pay Kato Kaylin to submit it as his own. Apple probably considers his dumb ass a celebrity.

Aisle 7, Celine Dion, and Canned Chicken

Ahhhh yes, the supermarket aka: Grocery Store, Just Store Name (stop and shop, trader joes), and The place where trailer trash buy Gin. Unlike the mall, I actually enjoy going to the supermarket. Since I am very observent and the master of perfecting menial/worthless tasks, I thought I would share some of the things I have learned and what goes on in my head during the modern day hunting trip.

First of all, an MP3 player should be required in the grocery store. An ecclectic mix of some sort of music that will affect your mood, and therefore your actions. This is a safe way of going to the store on drugs. It makes shopping different every time I throw hail marys to my cart with Splenda when I have Queen on, I ram my cart into the eggs when My Chemical Romance is on, and I cry next to the onions when Joni Mitchell is on. Plus, you can't really hear anything else, so you're bound to cause destruction to other shoppers with reckless shopping cart managment. (I have heard people call them "wagons" from time to time. Esqueeze Me?, wagons? , WTF are you talking about? Do you see a horse attached to it?)

If you don't have a music source, the supermarket music is actually entertaining only because of its comedy factor. I'll give you hundred dollars if you can stay in a major supermarket for an hour and not hear Celiene Dion at least once. Remember when she was just a dirty french canadian with bad teeth and bad hair? I think she should bring that look, back. Maybe I would respect her...then again, how about no, scott. She would still be a canadian wishing she was a chique french person and hoping no one remembers.

Now for 2 tips: The freshest food is placed on the shelves Saturday Morning. This is when the best produce has just been laid out, the meat and poultry area has been restocked, and the frozen foods have been replaced. They do this in preparation for the post church supermarket rush on Sundays. For some reason, the heathens who don't go to church, also like to shop on Sundays. Anyway, I highly suggest you make your grocery shopping trips sometime on Saturday and if possible early Saturday morning. Maybe make a stop on your walk of shame......whore-bag. Just cause you're engaging in reckless dangerous sex, doesn't mean you don't deserve first pick at the mango's.

Canned chicken breast is an awesome replacement for tuna fish. For some reason that I am not sure of, canned chicken is not a popular item. It tastes way better than tuna and it is just as easy to prepare as an awesome protien source instead of tuna. It doesn't need any fatty mayo to make it taste good and you don't have to worry about any mercury issues. Which, I have no idea if those are true or not, but the canned chicken is so much better theres no reason to even take a chance with fish anymore.

In my supermarket, the most dangerous aisle is Aisle 7. This is the salad dressing, oils, baking needs, spices aisle. There is almost always a dangerous mix of a powdered substance (sugar, flour, etc) mixed with oil or salad dressing on the floor. It's very slippery, can stain the bottoms of your homey-pants, and can be hard to see if you're not paying attention. I generally jump into my cart and pull myself along using the shelves. (WHAT! What are you looking at grandma? Get away from me or I'll beat you with your own orthopedic shoes.)

This post written while listening to: Jeff Buckley, Grace

Why don't you sit the next couple of plays out, Champ.

I realized today that I have seen Anchorman one too many times. I have all the HBO channels and it was on one of them consistently in the month of December, so whenever I was watching something with commercials or on a lazy weekend when I'm vaccuming/laundering/cooking Papa Burgundy was my buddy of choice. Anyway, the unfourtunate side-effect of this is that my immediate responses to everyday life situations come straight from the Ron Burgundy side of my brain. This is ultra-toolish at this point of my life. The movie is over 2 years old now and everyone else in the country got over their Anchorman obsessions a long time ago, and I'm still kicking along like an old-man who just figured out how to use his CD player. Someone says bye to me, I reply with "You stay Classy". I make a mistake, I say "Milk was a baaddd choice". Someone insults me, I say "Where did you get your clothes ? At the Toilet Store?" Countless etc etc etc. I had this same obsession with Billy Madison lines about 6 years ago, and that was not a fun experience for any of the parties involved. There should be rehab clinics for people like me. When I start dressing like this and hanging out with these guys, hit the OnStar button and tell the nice lady you have a Ron Burgundy emergency.

As you can see, I just figured out how to link the picture directly to the words it is associated with. Nice huh? Round of applause please, I'll be here all week and remember the the 730 show is completely different from the 530 show.

Anyway, I've been slightly depressed lately and I think it is due to the fact that there are no good sports on right now. NBA and NHL are in the tank, NFL is only once a week, and College sports all suck ass. That said, I have been watching for the first time ever, boxing. If you are a real sports fan, I think you will like boxing if you have never seen it before. If you appreciate finely tuned athletes performing a very difficult discipline. I watch it on HBO and Showtime so you get in depth coverage of the corner-talk, which is the best way to see boxing. But it really is an art form and if you have decent fighters, very entertaining. I know the heavyweight division is in shambles, but the rest of the sport is still carrying "The sweet science" banner quite nicely. Come on, The Contender was popular for a reason.

I think it is very funny that one of the things I hate most in this world: Accounting, is what I do almost exclusively for a living now. Come on, everyone have a good laugh for irony at my expense. Accounting is for turbo-dweebs like Will Copeland, not for Studs like me. This is poopyshit! Now, don't tell my dad that I'm running this company into the ground, he might cut my paycheck down to below minimum wage and there is nothing I could do about it.

Late edit (3:30PM) I just remembered another on of my favorite will moments. "Laura, don't tell him I told you, but Will can only pee sitting down". Glorious joke while it lasted.

This post written while listening to: David Bowie "Hunky Dory"

Abracadabra!

I went to a magic show last night.....stop laughing......I really went. Seriously the guy was awesome. I went in very skeptical but the guy did some serious magic tricks and I had no idea how he did any of them. It was a personal magic show, which means it was for a small party and the guy was up close which made it even more amazing. I feel a little sheepish for being so amazed by a magician, but this guy got 1,000 for the show so he's no amateur. Apparently, he's pretty good at making money disappear as well. However, no one can beat the trick Copperfield pulled on Germany.
http://daddytypes.com/archive/copperfield_schiffer.jpg

On the way down I discovered another Seans Rotten Tomato. People who drive with their flashers on or people who are obviously over nervous behind the wheel. If you're scared to be driving please get the fuck off the road, you're dangerous behind the wheel. People endanger themselves to get out of your way. Now I understand that I am not the best driver, letter of the law wise, but I am an excellent handler of a vehicle. I can't stand it when I see (and 95% of the time it's a woman) someone driving tentatively behind the wheel on a major road either driving way too slow or poking their car around corners slower than they would walk around that corner. There is road rage in this country for a reason and it is people like you who cause it. Drive your fuckin car or get out. These are people who shoot guns with eyes closed and stand in the checkout line at the grocery store while they read their receipt to make sure the cashier got everything right and stop in the middle of a crowded ice skating rink and make everyone swerve around their fat ass and gouge their face on the boards.
http://www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/fst0005l.jpg

I especially like the new Guinness commercial that advocates responsible drinking. I forget what the acronym contained, but I love to repeat "u-sackqueehifff" in inappropriate situations. Great catch phrase followed by my favorite other phrase an amusingly pronunciated "What?" I love the whole Brilliant campaign really. Before this, I loved the limburger cheeseheads commercial followed by "I smell feet". I really love accents in general. Beer commercials are always good for a laugh, the bud light daredevil is funny, but I feel not funny enough and a little bit of a copy of the weird guy at NBC'ss "The Office". A nice effort, but not respectable due to copying.

I was watching Johnny Nemonic last night for no particular reason, but I just noticed that he is Will Copeland to a tee. Am I the first one to notice this? It is so obvious that I feel that someone must have discussed this before. I am forgetful so maybe it has been discussed. Speaking of Will Copeland, I feel obligated to discuss some favorite Will Moments. "hey will, nice balls" "Hey will, did you take a dump in your armpits?" "Let the apes chant" "how many bowls of cereal do you think you could eat?" Feel free to reminisce in your own Will moments.
http://www.tqs.ca/showbiz/vedettes/photos/KEANU-REEVES.jpg

This post written while listening to: Augustana "All the Stars and Boulevards"

Ashley Angel is not a girl

"First off, f*&k your bitch and the click you claim. West Side when we ride, come equipped with game. You claim to be a playa, but I f*&cked your wife. We bust on Bad Boys, niggas f%$k for life" -Tupac

Gotta love the gangsta rap! Moving on, if I hear more about people not clicking on the pics that I post, I will use that lyric when I pimp slap you. The pictures are 50% of the blog for christmas sake.
http://www.phatpimpclothing.com/hi/phatpimp/ppc_customerservice.jpg

I think I have mini-insomnia. I say mini because it's not that I can't sleep, it's that I don't want to. I've examined my fear of sleep and it doesn't have to do with the dark or an uncomfortable bed or night terrors. I think its because I don't want to start the next day. You see, if I go to sleep that accelarates the time in which I have to start the next day and have all the same responsibilities all over again. So, it's not really a fear of sleep or the inability to do so, it's really just more of me ducking responsibility. So basically, I hate the fact that I just got done with one day and now I have to sleep so I can do another one in literally the blink of an eye. Eventually my fatigue overcomes my will and I pass out, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.
http://jimburgessdesign.com/comics/images/news_pics/passed_out_corgi.jpg

Anyway, I like to partake in late night TV when I am avoiding the responsibility of sleep. I think late night TV is the best because it has the most variety of any of the viewing periods. You can see news, the best infomercials, comedy shows, cheesy soft-porn movies, 80's and 90's re-runs, etc. In reality though, I don't watch too much TV in general because I fall asleep around mid-night, so maybe 2-3 hours worth of TV. That said, don't pin the couch potato label on me yet.
http://www.ski-epic.com/burningman2005/p18b_artcar_couch_potato.jpg

Last night I watched MTV. Which is an almost never seen channel by me anymore because most of their shows, although decent, are series type shows. Meaning, you have to watch the previous shows to understand and appreciate what is going on in the current show. Plus, I dislike most people my own age and younger so MTV is not exactly S.Vincent friendly.

I watched True Life: I'm on Steriods and the new show There and Back. Now, the steriods show is a pretty sad display of using idiots and scare tactics in order to push corparate policy. Not that I am for steriods or plastic surgery or stripper lives or any of the other True Life shows that provide a view into the life of one of these people. But no one of these activities is all bad. There are very happy steriod users and plastic surgery patients and strippers out there, otherwise there wouldn't be any. Not that MTV is gonna show you that, it would be too ethical in providing what is supposed to be a documentary. If you watch MTV for educational reasons, you're beyond educational help anyway. That's the moral of this story. I'm not gonna go into detail on this show because it could be disertation that would fill 5 posts. I won't bore you with something 90% of you don't care about.
http://www.photo.net/photo/pcd1359/free-speech-area-27.4.jpg

There and Back on the other had, was a very interesting show I will tell you about. It's no L word, but what could possibly be better than lesbians anyway; not a fair fight. It's about the post O-Town career of Ashley Angel. Sweeeeeeet. Now, I was only going to watch a couple mins of this show at first to get a few chuckles before sleep, but then.......Stop Action Commentary happened. I'm talkin' Zach Thomas style straight from ninety-duece Saved by the Bell. Obviously, there was genius at work here and I would be fool to not see this out.

The premise of the show is Ashley Angel getting back into the music business after the O-Town fallout, and dealing with his solo career and family and financial issues. At the beginning of the first show, AA is dealing with an un-cooperative producer and lives with his prego-wife and her mother. His wife is an epic bitch. Everything that comes out of her mouth is down-talk about AA's old band and his idea about the future. Everytime she talks, the life goes out of his beautiful blue eyes. Anyway, AA talks to the owner of his record company and gets a check so he can put a downpayment on his house. At the end of the show, AA and Prego-Epic-Bitch sit on the beach and have an Anniversary Picnic and AA sings her a love song. I wanted to take the guitar and smash her in the face and that be her anniversary present. I pity AA, and as soon as that hoe has his baby, I would take it away from her and name it epic-bitch and make a hit record about it. AA should make a booyah face, and it should look like this:
http://www.bpsd.org/IMS/Tech_Ed/8th%20Grade/Webpages_02-03/1st-9wks/kennedy.ashley/images/ashley%20angel%201.jpg

This Post written while listening to: U2-Hasta La Vista Baby! (live from Mexico City)

You got a problem? Yo, I'll solve it. Check out the hook, while my DJ revolves it....

Dear constant/consistent reader:
Please be aware that if a picture that I post has a broken link, there is a good chance I noticed it and replaced it with a new one. So if you see a broken link, check back soon to see a new picture. On that note; on with the useless trash I call writing...

Hi, my name is S.Vincent and I am a chicken wing addict. It started when I was young and the only junk food I had was to steal the semi-sweet chocolate chips from my moms baking cabinet. She was a freakin pastry chef and we never saw any of it except on Christmas. She even cancelled Easter one year! I'm starting to get all worked up now about the past, and I won't make you go through it, but be aware that this, like most psychological problems in the Freudian system, is all moms fault. (nooo morrrree wirrrrre HANGERSSSSS!!!!)
http://members.cox.net/timbuk2/djames/images/joan.jpg

Anyway, I have been thinking about wings all of the time lately and last night I cleaned out 15 in 7 minutes, a new personal best. Unfourtunatly my dealer, Planet Wings, has late night delivery and a 12 dollar minimum. At 9pm, I am at my weakest resolve and the most hungry, so in the past 3 weeks I have delevoped a 40 wing per week habit. I call them up, place an order and hate myself for the entire 45 minutes till they get to my cave. When they get there however, the hallucinogenic they put in the sauce distract me from my masochism long enough to operate my carnivorous mandible. My life is glorious for 10 minutes until all of the hypnotics are gone and the patheticness and styrofoam containers are all that is left.
http://www.guychapman.com/guy/LJ/AlbertSad.jpg

A disturbing thing happened to me the other night, and I'm not talking about the bastard who didn't put any napkins in my wing bag. For those of you who may not be consistent Law and Order watchers, the show is usually quite tame in the disturbing images category. You see some dead faces and gunshot wounds, but nothing too gory or violent. CSI usually goes further down this alley than the 20 year old NBC bedrock of Law and Order. Anyway, I was watching an episode of Law and Order:Trial by Jury, a version that I usually don't see because I think there is only 5 episodes and it is on at a weird time.
http://images.zap2it.com/20050207/00_cast_lawandordertrialbyjury.jpg

As I was viewing a chemo weakened Jerry Orbach with a bad wig on, they cut to a sex scene! I'm talking thrusting, moaning, and young girl on old guy soft-core action for a solid 2-3 minutes! I nearly spit my Fresca all over my wings!
http://www.sa.rochester.edu/aepi/images/Alpha%20Epsilon%20Pi%20Photographs/Photographs/Fall%202001/Zeta%20Class/Zeta%20Initiation/Sean%20-%20Surprised.jpg

It's not that I have never seen soft core porn on TV, it's all that's on MTV now that they don't show music anymore, but on L and O, I was blown away. I was just grateful it wasn't Briscoe, although, with his condition and loyalty to the show, the master wisecracker sure as hell deserved to see some kind of action as a reward.
http://www.peterboroughtoday.co.uk/getedimage.aspx?ImageID=287813

This post written while listening to: David Gray "Life in Slow Motion"

Two Turntables and a Microphone

So I went cruising the mall this weekend because I had a few spare giftcards bouncing around my wallet. I live completely alone and have no friends so many of these pursuits are lone studies of human nature and society. Somewhat sad when put bluntly like that, but not as it may seem because it is different to me and therefore interesting. I assembled my kit (dark sunglasses for indoors, iPod Nano w/noise reducing headphones, Chuck Taylors, Wallet, unfolded paper clip incase anyone wants to start some shit) and went to the Mega-Stores At-which Low-lifes find Lovers.
http://www.boynton-beach.org/modules/pageadder/userfiles/Home/Lifestyles/City%20Hall%20in%20the%20Mall/city%20hall%20mall%201.jpg

One thing I noticed about the mall that is different than the last time I was there. The quality of people hanging out there has actually decreased along with some of the stores. I smartly attributed this to the online shopping craze. Smart people with moderate incomes do most of their shopping online, if you are too stupid to know how to use a computer or too poor to afford one, than you are at the mall.
http://peterfilias.com/archives/Trailer%20Trash.jpg

Most people do not go out of their way to be nice. I find this a little distressing. When someone wishes you a nice day, you better say "hell yeah, you too have an awesome fucking day!" I can't stand it when people don't say please and thank you and you too's after some peon kid who's working a 12 hour shift on a Saturday night so he can pay for the playstation/gas his parents are to cheap to help him out with. Why not go out of your way to be nice to people who ring you up, bag your groceries, ask you if you need help, etc. Its takes nothing from you to say "Thank you" or "You Too" and really mean it. You just might make that persons job that much easier knowing that there are a few decent human beings out there. Throw a smile in there while you are at it. You have all your arms and legs and are spending money you don't have to just for fun. Actually, I'm making people like this a Seans Rotten Tomato. So there biotches, I hate you!
http://www.ccs.fau.edu/~modestino/biotches.jpg

I went to see King Kong because I had a spare 3.5 hours. There was a brother and his woman sitting behind me that made comments after every scary or disgusting thing. Normally I hate these people silently in my own head and hope that someone tells them to close their pot sucking device so I don't have to give them ugly looks. In this case however, he was doing it quietly enough so it wasn't distracting and he seemed to be putting his "oh shit!'s" in all the appropriate places so it actually enhanced the movie. I was about to ask him to go see Brokeback Mountain with me, but I didn't have another three hours to spare. No matter how cute Jake Ga....husa...whatever is
http://content.nkino.com/article/0020/20734/p21.jpg

While I was in my daily photo hunt I stumbled across this pic. It was too funny not to share, unfourtunatly I have no reason except that it contains the name of a person many of us know.
http://dailyramblings.com/images/streaker6.jpg

I have taken up a new training prgram which may cause me to die unexpectedly. I feel a little sick right now, but it seems to have only affected me fatigue and appetite wise. I'll keep an eye on it to make sure I don't.......
http://www.joe-ks.com/images/SickPumpkin.jpg

This post written while listening to: The Cure, Seventeen Seconds

straight up, now tell me do you really wanna love me forever....oh oh oh

Ha, I love Paula Abdul at the gym when I am military pressing. Unfourtunatly, the first thing I thought when I heard it was "blog title for tomorrow" when I should have been thinking "135 pounds above my head". Speaking of the gym, a lot happened there last night and I'm not just talking about creepy recollections of the music video with Paula Abdul and Keanu Reeves from Bill and Teds Bogus Journey........
http://www.keanu-reeves.net/photos/albums/tv/musicvideo/rushrush/captures/Rush-Rush_045.jpg

I think the INS may have captured my little mexican friend who liked my spandex and lived down the road and only knew about 10 words of english. I used to see him everynight, now he's gone. Maybe he likes someone elses spandex at someone elses gym.
http://www.gasolinealleyantiques.com/images/Marionette%20Page/mexican-pistol2.JPG

When you give someone a spot at the gym, you're flipping a coin. On one side you could get a guy who will say "Thanks" and leave it at that and maybe the occasional head nod in future meetings, OR, you are gonna get the guy who now has to tell you his life story and will talk about his workout theories for the rest of your membership contract. He'll wait politely for you to finish a set and then tell you what he does/does not like about this or that exercise. Unfourtunatly, you gotta take the chance-gym rules and all. I ran into a life story guy last night but not an awful one, probably because he isn't quite bright enough to form complete sentences. Weird either way. I already made a rotten tomato topic on this exact type of person. If he doesn't stop I'm changing my workout schedule.
http://artists.iuma.com/IUMA/Bands/Ramsey_Warren/images/sm-207485.jpg

I have been up all night watching "The L Word" because they are re-running season 2 in preparation for the Season 3 premiere on Sunday. So they have been showing 4 episodes a night from 9-1Am this whole week. I have watched every night. I'm not sure if it's because I was very tired or because it is as funny as it should be. A quick run down of the event...Alice is a quirky crafty rock and roll type lesbian. Her delivery of lines is great and probably what makes "Jesus, this coffee tastes like poopyshit....wait, where's Marina?" so awesome to me. Poopyshit as one word tickled my funny bone for a good 5 minutes. I can't wait to deliver that one the next time I go over to my parents for dinner.
http://www.showcase.ca/lword/images/cast_leisha.jpg

skank in the bank

I love the term skank. I find that if one woman really hates another woman, that is the best term they use. Famous cases of skanks include Jennifer Love Hewitt, Tara Reid, Lynnsey Lohan, and Christine Aguilara. Men generally have no opinion about these girls, but mention those names around other females in an appreciative way and you will undoubtidly get a quick lip curl snarl. That being said, the local banks around here have quite a reputation for hiring skanks as bank tellers. You can tell they had a hard night of indirect prostitution so they are not exactly perky at 9AM. They're staring at the clock waiting for their next cancer stick break and a cell phone call to the 30 yr old guy they slobbered over to talk about a trip to planned parenthood on the lunch break.
http://canalabalada.com/2005/mirabilandia/09-07/P1141851.jpg

I know I said I wouldn't talk about it anymore because I don't want to spoil it. But I spent a good 3 hours last night watching "The L Word" on Showtime. I was up way past my bedtime. Plus any show that has cameos of Snoop Dog and Pam Grier is a must see and it stars Jennifer Beals from Flashdance. I love it more and more with every episode I catch. This show is awesome awesome awesome. If you don't have premium cable, you can probably rent them on DVD at blockbuster or netflicks. I'm tellin ya, best show on TV.
http://www.qgiftsonline.com/store/media/the%20l%20word/l_word_season_2_lg.jpg

Enjoying some fabolus water today. I am reminded of me and my college roomate grzy's top 5 list of best things ever not including sex. In no particular order they were : Coffee, Water, Naps, Baseball, and Eggs. At least, I think that's what they were. As expected, we would change that list on an almost daily basis, but I think those were the ones we often agreed on. Feel free to make your own list, but keep it to yourself cause I don't want to change my world.
http://www.things.org/~jym/pix/just-coffee.jpg
http://bottledwaterstore.com/Ty%20Nant%20group.jpg
http://www.chrismclaren.com/sarah/wp-content/2004-10-17-0843-121.jpg
http://yankees.mlblogs.com/photos/uncategorized/10103764_1.jpg
http://www.eggs.ab.ca/recipes/images/maple_syrup-fried_eggs.gif

This post written while listening to: Jason Mraz-Waiting for My Rocket to Come

I want to talk to my lawyer!

I feel that from years of watching Law and Order, I could get away with a lot of crimes if I wanted to. It seems like most of the criminals get in trouble because they fail to understand the justice system. There are so many loopholes and rules that if you know what they are and plan a crime accordingly, there is no way you go to jail even if the cops know you did it. Plus, chicks dig criminals and they dig money. So I'll come up with a killer scheme to get lots of money and kill someone cause I like to use swords. Too dark of a thought for new years? Well, in NYC there have already been 10 murders in 2006. I'm not dark-I'm real-real like pudding skins. Chew on that for a while.....
http://www.geocities.com/xtrafiles/lenny3.jpg
http://www.seefred.com/sitepics/products/pudding/mytfine.jpg

A heads up for some of you premium cable subscribers out there. "The L Word" on Showtime is awesome. Season 3 starts January 9th. I'm not gonna tell you why, just watch and enjoy how it is not Sex and the Over-Rated/Queer/Old-Vag/Stupid/Cliche City. I effin hate that show like Lance hates Cancer.
http://www.showcase.ca/lword/images/main_image.jpg

I got some more commercials for ya'all (mmmm, jessica simpson). The Charmin bear commercial line is a fine example of intentionalizing un-intential comedy. Even their tag of "Cha-Cha-Cha-Charmin" brings up thoughts one of my favorite preschool rhymes- "Diarhea cha cha cha" Poop and Fart jokes are for all ages.
-Readers who are in the Time-Warner Cable area will be able to see thier latest two commercials to influence us to use cable over the dish. They have one where a guy gets accused of peeping into his femal neighbors house while trying to fix his dish in the rain, and one where they show a bunch of guys falling of their roofs who were trying to fix their dish. Sorry, no on-line source for these.
-The people at Vonage have a great little campaign going. Their previous line of People doing stupid things is classic. Catchy Tune by the 5678's also heard in Kill Bill and funny home videos. They have a new line out that still features the song but is a more contemporary style. One I can't remember because it is kind of bland and one I can because it is awesome. There is a woman talking about the money she saves using vonage, but way in the back room, out of focus, is a guy in a yellow sweater doing the robot and other funny dance moves. The funniest part is when she looks at him and he doesn't stop at all, just keeps poppin and lockin'. Especailly the spank move at the end. Everyone loves the robot! The vonage forum has a bunch of funny ones, if you click and browse around.
http://www.vonage-forum.com/ftopic9053.html

This post written while listening to: Arcade Fire "Funeral"