Miley Cyrus is a faker.

One of the benefits of having a blog read by a handful of peeps is that I can say things like that and not get a comment box full of hateful responses. I don't know how the more popular bloggers go to sleep at night with all those people saying all those mean things. But she lip synched on the "Bolt" Thanksgiving Float in the Macy's Parade. Go ahead Billy Ray, put up your dukes, I'll make you wish you still had a mullet to protect your neck from my fists of artistic justice.

I spent Thanksgiving down in NYC which started with me missing my train by about 3.5 steps after running a good 1/2 mile at a full sprint from my parking spot. Thanks for that city of PoVegas! Missing my train by that close has never happened to me before and its the only time I've ever wished that it was 1894. If it was, I could have just hopped on the caboose! Plus, I could use the word caboose and no one would give me that head tilted stare which conveys "you're a little old for laughing at slang terms for the word 'butt'".

The subways were packed despite a terrorist threat that they would be attacked. Everyone pretty much decided that chemical warfare would be much better to die from than a $2.50 initial fee then $2.00 a mile cab charge. I also happened to be trying to make my way to a gym downtown when the parade let out near by. From a a distance the entrance to the subway looked like meat being fed into a sausage grinder with all the people pressing themselves down the tube. I had a metro card already so I gingerly passed by the tourists. The fun thing about tourists in the subway is how scared they are of it and of "THE YELLOW TILES". This is a 3 foot section of yellow rubberized matting near the end of the platform that ensures proper footing getting on and off the train. However, if you are a tourist it means that you will be decapitated, electrocuted or perhaps sodomized if you step on it. At least, thats the way every tourist acts when they see it. I use it to cut in front of idiots and get a spot on the train.

The gym was empty, dark, and perfect. No douchebags, no girls, no cardio theatre, and no useless machines. There was, however, plenty of loud techno music. Which I can handle in a workout setting because at least its the same over and over. No Jim Croce or Jonas Brothers or Beyonce while I'm trying to focus on not dislocating my hip joints underneath a squat bar. The day rate was 20 dollars, which was very pricey, but at least I had an excellent workout and didn't get any hair gel residue on my...anything.

I have a love/hate relationship with holidays. I like them because they are fun and easy, but I hate them because they throw such a monkey wrench into my daily "lets stay in shape, perform well athletically, and not get fat" pursuit. Over the course of 3 days, I got 3 workouts in where as I usually get 6. Add to the fact that I ate more than I usually do, and now all you have is a stressed out mindset where you feel like you climbed up 50 feet of rope only to slide back down 25. Plus, now I got rope burn on my hands making it more difficult to climb up again. Was the slide down exhilirating and fun even though it burned a little? sure it was, but all I can think about is how much more rope I have to climb. This endless rope that goes into a cloud I can't see through, but know that I need be.

SV-TV: The videos from this "Purple" album are what drew me to STP. I miss the randomness of the grunge rock era. They were so amatuer and original. I think bands should go find the big youtube artists and hire them to come up with their videos. They seem to be the only authentic video artists left.

Adventures in S.Vincent-hood

Since I have had some trouble coming up with new ideas to talk about, I figure I would steal an idea and tell a story that I remember from childhood. Which you should be thankful for because only 10% of my childhood memories have been retained. Probably due to the bike accident I had in my senior year of high school where my delicate and unblemished coconut smashed the pavement at approximately 20mph in one of the states historical sites, thus leading to the disfigured hamburger that I hide with my hands like an amateur and low budget phantom of the opera. I would tell you more about that accident, but I have none of the details since the story was told to me by 2 nice ladies who happened to drive a pickup truck (YAY LESBIAN SAVIORS!) and dumped me at my house in a bloody concussed heap. That year, my senior yearbook picture was taken from a forgiving distance as to not frighten the young freshman.

I was about 11 I would say and I had off from school for one of those glorious northeast "snow days". This meant sleeping in till 9, eating numerous bowls of cereal and hot cocoa. Being wired, half-assing through whatever "chores" the madre had us do, and then heading out into the powder to see what kind of trouble you could drum up.

You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your neighbors.......

I am the most successful of all the neighborhood kids during my time, and I don't say that arrogantly, I say that in a "I graduated from high school" sort of way. But when you are 11, you have this naive outlook in which everyone is equal. Looking back, I should have stayed in and read more books about white supremacy or "guns and ammo" or witchcraft as they would have been healthier than the influences of the neighborhood kids. However, after many hours spent with these derelicts, I learned how NOT to be a member of an advancing society. Therefore, as long as I do the opposite of them, I would be a great person.

On this particular snow day, after 2 boring games of driveway hockey (played in snow boots on partially shoveled pavement, with a tennis ball) it was decided we needed something that was instantly gratifying. Solution: Snowballs thrown at passing cars.

We lived on a very wooded road so finding adequate cover was no problem. The problem? a car goes by once every hour on this road. We didn't plan for that though. The exhilaration of nailing a moving target with a spherical icy terror was just too scintillating.

Second problem. The anticipation for that moving car resulting in temporary loss of common sense mixed with the lack of common sense of an 11 year old boy. I am surprised I had enough brain power to breathe at this point. Thus we never thought to look at what car was coming down the road, when it meandered along the dangerous bend, we got up and I must say, NEVER was there a finer display of athletic prowess.

A mittened hand, a shoulder packed in 2 sweatshirts and a down jacket, glasses that were under-powered (since my vision got worse by the week in those days) and fogged, a slight crosswind in swirling snow flakes and I nailed the grey Buick skylark dead progressing at 25mph on the driving side windshield and rear window with 2 well packed snowballs at roughly 50 mph.

Joe Montana would have given me a standing ovation.

One problem there Mr. Future Starting Varsity Quarterback.......It was my 60 year old next door neighbor and she was not happy.

And wouldn't you know, she told my mom? Guess whose mailbox got dog turds placed in it for the next seven years.....but that's beside the point.

At that time, I was very impressionable....i.e. gullible. Between her and my mother, I was sure that there was a 50-50 chance that I may have to spend the next week in jail. For real...that's how hard they came down on me with their chastising and warnings. If I knew what a Mormon was in those days, I would have been sure that all the females in the neighborhood had suddenly converted. Instead, I was forced to shovel her driveway for my crimes and asked to be thankful that my right arm had not been removed with each of its fingers sent to all the other neighborhood derelicts.....as a warning.

Somehow, I believe that my bitterness from the outcome of this event led to my leadership role in the great Marist waterballoon scandal of 2001. Over a 2 week period, countless victims perished on their way to dinner in a display of moistened terror the likes of which security and dorm administration had never seen......... But that is another story for another day

SV-TV: I have an un-healthy obsession with Chrissie Hynde----> I would totally take her out for a nice seafood dinner.

side note..

If you take a closer look at that Brangelina photo I posted, you can see that there is a dude holding a photo of Angelina for her to sign, thus the look on her face which says to me "are you serious dude? Have you not seen any of my movies? It's obvious to everyone around here that I could totally PWN your ass if wanted to, so remove your childish gesture of appreciation before I pistol whip you in front of everyone"

Oh yeah!, this is happening.....

For years, I always claim myself the inventor of hype. If its being done by mainstream folk, I will usually claim that I did it first, cause I am better and more clairvoyant than you. This is mostly just trash talk and a bit of light fun as most people know that I really could not have been the first one, and that even if I was, no one would care. This usually means people use it as a joke against me for years to come. Another thing I claimed to invent? The phrase "pun IN-tended". I do a LOT of confusing internal gamesmanship with others this way. I am playing a game all the time as part of my competitive nature. The contests I love most? The contests that I'm the only one who knows it is being played. But I digress......
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I was browsing my usual internet tour which includes the fabulous trash of The Superficial. This is my site for the most trashy and entertaining celebrity gossip. It was just another day on the angelina jolie baby watch till I spotted this little nugget......


I literally got up and did the "I TOLD YOU SO!!!" dance. Which includes the "suck it" arm crossover in front of my goodies + a hip swirl and thrust + a rodeo/cowboy hop.

I have a feeling that today is going to be a VERY good day......

Fare thee well

It's gone.

It didn't have a name, but I should have named it. A name that was bold and beautiful and comforting, just like it was to me. Something like "Majestico!" would have worked.

We went through some tough times over the past 4 months. The relationship started off as just something to do to past the time. A little bit of un-usualness in a very regular world. It was just supposed to be for the summer, but our time together was extended out further because neither of us knew what our future was, but didn't feel comfortable walking away from the present.

But some ground rules were set. Only because the start of our relationship was started so randomly and unprofessionally that we had to go back to being alone for a while to determine just how much we needed each other.

Towards the end, society began to accept our relationship. We got less stares from family and friends and more congratulations at making our alternative lifestyle work. Less jeers and more cheers, which was nice. Just last Saturday, we won an award for "best looking couple" at a race and then someone randomly came up to us off the street and asked how we made ourselves into such an awesome couple.

I admit, it felt good. But a rule is a rule and if we are going to be together forever then we need to know if we are that sad when we are apart.

I give it credit though. It hung onto the drain like a brave soldier holding onto a Huey in an Asian jungle. It wasn't going off into the darkness without a fight. No No, the breakup would not be that easy.....I had to pick it up and with my bare hands discard it into the grave myself.

Salty tears were my aftershave that day.........

bits and bobs

That title is stolen from an english (as in Great Britain) website that I use for buying rowing clothes. It's their term for the "this and that" or "miscellaneous" clothing/accessories department that can't fit in other departments and since they are English, they use 0verly-fancy terms to describe more than simple things. Which is why I like to use their "training kit" clothing to row in, rather than the boring U.S. "workout clothes". Because after all, I'm a fancy lad and deserve to look like one.

I'm reading more and more blogs these days and its opened my eyes a little to what the current "scene" is and the "scene" is both bad and good. With "Noblopamo" or whatever going on (a bloggers pact to post once a day for the entire month of November), we have a real dilution of material out there and just general annoying stuff. Which is basically what happens to everything cool once the general public sees how cool it is. I have also determined that my opinion of the "general public" started out low, and everyday it gets lower and lower. About a year ago, I was at a stand still in that I realized how stupid a majority of the people were and that I should expect the un-expected and try to keep my eyes on the prize, i.e. friends and co-workers and not be distracted by the other monkeys in the cage. Maybe I got bored, or maybe its like a car-wreck where there was one brief glance and now I CAN'T look away. I am in free-fall now and I'm scared/excited as to how low the "general public" can go in my mind. I thought they were at rock bottom. Then I began to see this stinky molten lava core seeping between the cracks in the bedrock and I think I have only just begun.

Blogs and their reading was probably a lot like the early days of driving automobiles. There were no rules and no schmucks! The only people who drove cars were the ones that really wanted to and each car was totally different from the next. These were the real "drivers" who drove for the sake of loving how "driving" felt. They probably waved hi to each other and shared tips on how to get out of the mud and how much a pain in the ass it was to move Farmer Jack's Moo Cow out of your way. You could drive as fast as you wanted and park it where you wanted and drive on whatever side of the road was convenient . You could explore new roads and drive to places you had never been before!

Then as more and more of the general public took to the roads, they got cluttered with people who didn't belong out there. People who weren't driving for the enjoyment, but because it was easily available for them to own an automobile. Now we got problems. We got people driving slow, driving drunk, breaking cars and not knowing how to fix them, crashing into other cars, demanding rules and judging other drivers. Which is why we have the current road rage problem.

Some of the things the public brought were good. Paved roads are good, cheaper cars are good, signs are good. But then they brought bad things too......bad drivers and traffic.

I guess its the lifespan of all activities. Really fun at first, then inklings of its potential bad side, then its bad side is completely revealed, struggle with your identity/place in the activity, balance out pros vs. cons, re-assess and adapt to mesh activity with identity or quit.

I can't quit though and I am going to try to be more friendly. And I am going to try to stop harping on blogging every day and come up with some new non-nerd things. But I don't have much going on, so you will have to deal with these naval-staring posts till I get that private island with a fully stocked gym, calm water to row on, and unlimited funding and lots of movie/rock star friends. For now, I can't help but complain about being stuck here reading a blog about what she wore today and why its cool, her boyfriends ex-roomate that has a bad attitude, and the recipe for what she is cooking for dinner and why she likes this way over her mothers recipe I hate it so much I can't look away or a blog about how much he hates other bloggers and stupid music videos (ah shit, that's my blog).

Overheard at the gym from a 40 year old man who considers himself in shape (no one else does) "I've been so hungry lately! For lunch, I had a BIG CAN of soup, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a bag of popcorn and 2 sodas"

Not much going on with this post so enjoy this video which solve the "who should I get to introduce me when I win the nobel prize" conundrum and enjoy the new music video which features indie music, yet again.....or........don't.

The peer pressure cooker

This will be the last one I swear. I am amazed that I have been coaxed out this far, but the amount of content on the internet that I read that has to do with politics and the past election has consumed my pea brain for at least one more post. (more blogging is good right?) But I am losing patience veryyyyyy quickly.

When I started blogging wayyyy back in the 05 (sarcasim), it was a fun little community. It was new and fresh and full of wild and random content about people. I used to really enjoy reading about people and their lives and thoughts about the things centered around their daily lives, however crazy or stupid it was. This year with blogging at an all time high and the election in full swing, everybody got caught up in picking one or the other and I am a little bit more scared now then I used to be. What happened to everyone? I thought, especially bloggers, were saavy and could see beyond what was right in front of them. I am a little scared because people seem to have this "the good guys won, the bad guys lost" mentallity about the whole thing. Really? "The good guys and the bad guys"? What are we, 10 years old? I am a little scared because I am not sure if a country who thinks there are "good guys" and "bad guys" are mature enough yet to handle improving the country. That McCain wanted to help the country less than Obama. That by putting a man with a different color skin in the white house has anything to do with fixing their lives. I may be young, but I know that any improvements or gains in my life have had NOTHING to do with a president and EVERYTHING to do with the amount of time and effort I put into making myself happy. NOTHING to do with taxes or gas prices and everything to do with how I handle my current situation good or bad. I read some of this stuff in the blog-world and I think some people are over-hyping the power of the president and the significance of our time. He's not God and this isn't the salvation or the apocolypse. He will not save/or ruin your life. Only you can do that. (repitition from yesterday blahblahblahhh) Get a better job, go for a run, call a friend, hug your sibling, talk to a therapist, start a club, go back to school or go to a library.

I am sooooooo sick of the veiled/unveiled propoganda on the internet. Tell me about you, not some dude from chicago/arizona. PLEASE!

I watch "south park" casually, and I think those guys are disarmingly smart. They put a lot of what I am currently thinking into last nights episode. (it'll load, trust me) It was kinda scary in a funny way, even though it was just a joke at some of what the current hype has caused our society. Behind every joke there is a nugget of truth.

I am re-reading this post and man do I hate politics. So un-natural, so grim, so combative. I can't wait till things get back to their normal dysfunctional ways. What would we all have to blog about if everything was good anyway right?

I didn't

I didn't vote. Not gonna vote. Don't care who the president is. If I did someday, it would be too late for me to change it. Cut bait and re-cast........

To tell you the truth, I am surprised at how the massive "go vote" campaign has picked up this year. I almost feel guilty about not doing something that is completely and utterly voluntary.

Way to go America! Free food in the middle of an economic crisis! Vehemently charged campaigns that has created even more pamphilet shovers, religious freaks, celebrity shouting, and internet material than any past election year! Shitty voting posts and systems are even more overloaded and are now sure to fail and have even longer lines and create even more hours of political coverage on TV.

Please feel free to vote. This isn't a "I have life figured out and you obviously don't" kind of post. This is a post because no one else is posting and putting up a little "go vote" post instead. (told you the go vote campaign is working) I just thought I would report on what I observed about this years voting cycle.

I observed that more joe-blo citizens feel connected to this election for some reason. What that reason is? I don't know because I don't care. Duh! notice the top line of this post. I am a simple man with simple needs and a simple "I do what I want" philosophy. Not surprising to most people who know me. I admire those of you who do what others can influence you to do. I do admire but I can't do it. I have never been built that way. I have a very selfish personality and you can look down on me if you choose. I won't mind even a little bit, because I don't use enough energy to spend on even thinking about it.

Am I dumb? Of course I am. I never pretend to be smart except in that I don't let my stupidity stress me out. If I don't care about something, its not just for show, I really don't care. Is this normal or healthy for a person? Of course not. But I bet if you really tore yourself apart, you'd find something exactly like "politicians" that you should care about, but don't. For some people its their family, their education, their environment, their health, their job, their friends, their finances, their love life, their lawn, their house, their car, their clothes, thier personality.

Tomorrow it will be over, except it won't. I will be here and so will you and you will hopefully be DOING something that you enjoy instead of talking about it. BEING something you wanted to be instead of thinking about it. If you're ticked/upset/disappointed with me. Is it because I hurt you? or is it because I didn't do the same thing as you did?

Plus I would have registered as a republican and no one who uses the internet wanted me to vote anyway ;)

Speaking of presidents.....

the good doctor.....

I went over the rules of the gym a while ago. But every once and a while, a person finds a way to break them in such a new and interesting way that I have to share. Share I must, because it is disturbing enough that if I don't, then I am afraid that the illogical-ness of it may eat me alive from the inside out. Then, you will find me wandering around the grocery store selling books to tell your kids how to cover their school books with the new re-usable and eco-friendly grocery bags instead of the old paper bags. Personally I used to love doing that, I was so good at it. Plus, you could draw Guns and Roses emblems on them. Textbook covering is a lost art.......

Anyyyyyywhozalll.......Lets agree to not talk on our cellphones naked in the lockeroom, okay?

There is a doctor. He is an orthopediest or an orthopediac surgeon who likes to call his patients naked while he is in the locker room. Let's name him Dr. OBG, which is short for "Dr. Old Balls GROSS!" He's about 60 and I'll start out by saying that none of his calls to date have been dire emergencies, which would be somewhat acceptable. I have seen him make these calls three times now. The first time it happened, I was going to give him some slack because someone called him while he happened to be naked. Some harm, some foul, but it got more wrong because he didn't give the person a "can I call you back". He talked for 5 mins.....naked.....then he hung up and made another call to the hospital....naked. All the while he was pacing around the locker room like it was his office. It was a small emergency in that his patients knee was swelling I guess, which is why I am going to give him some slack. But then about a month ago, I walked in on him talking on the phone naked again. I didn't listen to the circumstances that time, and thus I let him slide.

Then, the other day, he walked in after me. He took all his clothes off, put on a shirt-no pants, checked his phone, put a towel down on the bench (at least) listened to his voice mail, then.....CALLED THAT PERSON BACK. Unacceptable Dr. OBG......UNNN-ACCEPTABLE...I don't care how many years you went to college.