BOO!.............bees

It's Halloween kiddies so drink lots of water, brush your teeth, and wash your elastic waist band pants for tomorrow's bulge. It seems as though my advocation for pumpkin day has gone over swimmingly, and like other major holidays in this country, started 2 months before the day actually comes. This does not upset me in the slightest, because I love me some pumpkin goodies!

The good news is; we still have one more month to officially enjoy pumpkin treats and a few days after that to wrestle each other for the pumpkin leftovers! Better start getting in fighting shape, cause after pumpkin day, we have a whole month of disgusting egg nog, peppermint and fruit cakes. Christmas has the worst foods associated with it. In fact, I would start a movement to call it the "crappy treats day we pretend to like so we don't get accused of being scrooges for hating these holiday treats" but that might upset de Jesus for re-naming his birthday, and I got enough issues. Plus, I'd need a shorter name.

Anyway, this post is not about Pumpkin Day. I know; it's confusing because the symbol for halloween is a carved pumpkin and thus is a closely tied symbol for the holiday.

But consider this; ...you usually do not consume a mass amount of pumpkin on this day, ...you consume mass amounts of candy!

And that, my sugar coated nerds, is what this post is about.... the day in which we all wish we were 9 again so we could get sick on candy and not get a lecture from our peers about being an "adult." You know what I am talkin about......you have enough money now to buy endless candy and are very happy about not having to dress up like a giant vampire turd in order to get it. However, your real life Jimminy Cricket is whispering in your ear about how that is inappropriate at your age. You are in a glass case of emotion!

Unfourtunatly Luke, I am not here to guide you through this. For you know the path which you must choose based on how much you value percieved standards of maturity and how your actions will affect that. I only care about your happiness, so I am here to talk about candy, specifically, my favorite candy.......cause it's my blog Luke and if you don't like what I write you can take 2 light sabers and stick em in your........nevermind

THE TOP 5!!

1) Mini Reese's Cups: I love chocolate and peanut butter. I would eat a chocolate and peanut butter flavored cigarette butt. I would say more, but I feel there are not enough words to describe how much I love to combination of these two things. I bet Mr. Reese's had like 14 playboy model wives and could beat up a platoon of trained army rangers carrying a automatic rifles and machetes. That's how awesome he is. I like this format of Reese's the best. Why? Because they are pop-able and I like things that are individually wrapped. I also like the super big cups too, but it's more stealth to pop one of these bad boys in, then to get caught enjoying a hockey puck sized cup and have to deal with all the associations of someone who unabashidly consumes things this size.

2) Whatchamacallit: This is a highly under-rated candy. Let me break it down. It's a peanut butter and rice crispy base with a light layer of caramel on the top, then covered in milk chocolate. I don't understand why more people do not love this candy, it's delicious. Maybe they are scared of it's weird name and by the fact that they were too lazy to come up with a proper name.

3)Swedish Fish: I don't know why they are swedish, I don't know why they are fish, and I don't know why they get latched onto my teeth like tar. But, I don't care because they are delicious. Once again, I like the smaller ones rather than the larger ones, and they HAVE to be the actual swedish fish brand. There are lots of imposters out there, and they suck at copying recipies.

4) Milky Way Midnight: I like this combo better because I think the softer caramel specific to milky way works better with the sharper chocolate taste that is found in dark chocolate. Also, the nougat is more vanilla-y flavored. Plus, I like the imposing/exotic name. Makes me feel all warm inside

5) Tootsie Rolls: I know I am going against most of society on this one, but I really like tootsie rolls for some reason. It's chocolate without the phlegm I think. Probably the reason why I really like yoo-hoo as well. Plus, they get bonus points for being individually wrapped. I also like the fruit flavored ones (also under-rated candy) that have the very delicious vanilla flavor

Honorable Mention: Peanut M&M's, Reese's Fast Break, Butterfinger Crisp, Almond Snickers, Mellocreme Pumpkins, Starburst, Chewy Sweet Tarts

THE BOTTOM 5

1) Necco Wafers: Seriously, what the f__ are these things? They are like hosts from church with sugar on top of them. I guess there are supposed to be flavors to them cause they are different colors, but to me they all taste the same flavor of awful. This is the same company that manufactures those valentines message hearts which also taste like crap. Those are used better as a way to make a little extra money selling them as ecstasy to 14 year olds, than as candy

2) Mary Janes: Peanut butter road tar. You can't chew em and the supposed flavor of peanut butter is negotiable at best. It's more like peanut butter mixed 50-50 with glue. They are also made by Necco Co. Which officially makes the worst candy in the world!

3) Junior Mints: I have a real problem eating mint. I can chew mint, I can suck on mint, but I don't like to eat mint. It always makes me think of swallowing my toothpaste or mouthwash. I know this is an individual issue, but I also don't like mint chocolate chip ice cream, or thin mint girl scout cookies.

4) Black Licorice: Seriously, how does anybody like this. I have tried it a few times to see if maybe it is an acquired taste, but its not. It tastes like what I imagine motor oil and sugar mixed togethor tastes like.

5) Black and Orange Mystery: You probably know what I am talking about. I think they give bags of this stuff out free to anyone over 65 at the grocery store. Individually wrapped peices of sterilization drugs I think. They don't even try to hide it with a good flavor, they actually make it taste like you are harming your insides by eating it. Unfourtunatly, I could not attach a picture of it because most people throw them back at the givers of it. Just know that it looks like taffy and is wrapped in black and orange peices of wax paper.

This post written while listening to: Jimmy Eat World "Big Casino"

you can't row away from your past

I think everyone has a story of embarrassment that you hate to hear re-told. Maybe it's not even all that embarrassing of a situation to anyone else, but its one of those stories that particularly haunts you and makes you embarrassed and angry all over again because of the details at that time. It's like that situation just happened a few minutes ago all over again.

Here is my story that got retold this past weekend. I have to swallow this story about once a year, but first; the reason why it gets retold is because it is the first real impression between me and my first rowing coach in middle school who I run into from time to time. It's probably his favorite story about me, and it's not embarrassing for him, but I HATE it.

A rowing brush up for you.....I was a "coxswain" for my first year of rowing. This means I was in charge of steering the boat and executing motivation and race plans for the rowers, not, actually pulling the oars. If you have no idea what rowing is, you should move on to your next blog....

I always wanted to be a rower, I hated the thought of not being a puller of the boat. However, my desire to be a part of the team period, led me to the coxswain seat due to my size. I really had no idea what I was doing, which is not unusual cause this was my first year doing the sport, plus I was 13, which means I had no idea how to do anything at all besides turn on the TV. So you can imagine that a 13 year old would have lots of trouble steering a 60 foot pencil down the river and finding something to say for 8 minutes to inspire people to do something that he himself was not doing.

There was competition for this seat between myself and a guy who was the coxswain last year who was starting to get too big to be in the seat. The thought of him conjures up the most vicious thoughts imaginable in me, criminal thoughts with sick descriptive profanities. For the sake of somewhat high class literature, we'll call him derelict scumbag. One of those kids in school that was probably abused as a child and acting out in mean ways but with enough of a brain to do it with some scary talent. He was not enthused at the thought of me taking his spot.

When it came down to race time, it was decided I would race and he would be one of the rowers, and this is where the story begins.....

The whole season up to this point, and although he had never done anything specifically asshole-ish to me, I knew that he didn't like me. However, the week before the race, he was actually trying to help me, surprisingly. He was giving me tips and pointers on what to say and how to pick a line. I didn't necessarily like him yet, but I began to trust his judgement, and was no longer wary of him. The rationale being that he was in the boat so he wanted it to go well, and would help out his teammate. We are after all......in the same boat.

The night before the race, our coach took me out to dinner with the coxswain of the other boat to get us alone so we could focus on what the plan was going to be for tomorrow. He had a ton of information and I was overwhelmed. Appropriately so, because there are a million things to think about for each one of the million of scenarios that can possibly happen in a race involving first timers. It's much like learning how to drive a car for 2 months, then being entered in a rally-car race. But, somewhere in that speech was most likely this advice "stay positive at all times, cause in this race, anything can happen" I probably didn't hear that as well as I should have cause that's what comes naturally to me. I am painfully, and sometimes to my detriment, positive at all times.

Race day comes and we go out for our warm-up run. I ran with the derelict scumbag to listen to his last minute pointers. One thing he said that made sense to me at the 13 year old time of my life was "if we get behind, go ahead and swear at us and tell us that we suck and if we don't pull harder we'll lose, it'll get us angry and we'll pull harder"

I know, I know, stupidity defined right there. However, I was literally shaking I was so nervous, and in a shrewed kind of way, that made sense. Think football battle, drill Sergeant, type logic in motivating young men to fight in a war. I was thinking "I need to be aggressive, I need to rise to another level to win this race"

So we go down the course, and we lost by a little bit. It was upsetting, but that's the way it goes sometimes. The worst part was yet to come.....the rowers told the coach what I was saying during the race, and guess who was leading the revolt? Your good buddy and mine, mr. derelict scumbag.

Needless to say, the coach was not happy. He had spent all that time the night before with me in which he specifically said, remain positive. Did it matter or did he care that the derelict scumbag had sabotaged me? No, and if I was in his position, I wouldn't care either. It's common sense to listen to your coach over a derelict scumbag.

I had a made a fool of myself and did something specifically against my values and likely cost my team a race (doubtful in real life, if they were more talented than the other crew, they would have won despite words that were coming out of my mouth, but it's the principle of the thing) I had done the one thing a coxswain shouldn't do, and acted like a total embarrassing idiot Plus, the most important thing was that I had been tricked by a scumbag who was going to get away with it. My ass was totally out in the wind and I was the one who put it there just because some derelict scumbag told me to.

So, that's the story of S.Vincent's very first race. It gets told every time s.vincent and his first coach are in public. You should stop by and hear it sometime, it goes over with a big hearty laugh. he he ha ha ho ho, FUCK!

This post written while listening to: Bloc Party "I Still Remember"

clear eyes, full hearts, CAN'T LOSE!

I have been storing up all kinds of good blog ideas for you guys, but since my brain has less substance than half a packet of instant oatmeal, I think this will be an underwhelming experience for you.

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I will admit to being distracted from blogging regularly by NBC.com. They have sucked me into watching full episodes of the office and friday night lights while I work, instead of filling the internet with my stories of poop, homeless people, and personal despair. To that effect, I have been entranced by the free episode offerings and could not resist watching them while at work. I wonder how many jobs NBC will have terminated thanks to their gratuity?

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It's officially Autumn as of yesterday, the temprature stayed under 60 degrees here for the whole day, and S.Vincent officially turned on his heat for the first time. Therefore, please break out your jackets, candy corn, and leaf rakes. Also, be advised that the leaf peepers will soon be all over the Hudson Valley, spending money on useless tours, and gushing over "the colors". They will also drive 10mph under the speed limit and be oblivious to any sort of real society, besides the society of douchebags. Congratulations leaf peepers, you're still not colorblind, now go back to your leaf-less towns before I turn you upside down in my garbage can.

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Why does breast cancer get so much attention over the other cancers? Why do they get an official color and month? It's sexist! Whats the color for colon cancer and stomach cancer and testicle cancer and lung cancer? What month is leukemia month? Where can I donate to prostate cancer by buying yogurt? Just because they have a cute color and are sex symbols doesn't mean that they should get anymore attention then cancers common to men. Sure, maybe my colon isn't as attractive as your breasts, but having cancer in it will kill me just the same.

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I tried to get into my house using the remote unlock for the car. I am not joking you. In fact, when it didn't work, I pushed it again. This is how tired I am.

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I nearly killed myself and/or others 3 times in the past 3 days. Once in the car, once in my coaching launch, and then once in my single scull. I won't go into details cause they were scary, but stay away from me till I go a day without being 3 seconds away from death. I will let you know when the coast in clear.

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The S.Vincent opinion on the Yankees in 45 seconds or less. 1) Alex Rodriguez is not necessary to keep. He may be an MVP, but he has proven unable to win championships by himself. Not surprisingly its still the best team wins the championship every year, not the best player. Evidenced by the past 100 world series winning teams. Therefore, although a fantastic player, he is worth only 1 million or 2 more than any other player in the league. If he is not available for that price, let him go where he chooses. Joe Torre can be let go, I don't think its a good idea to do so, but I also don't think its a bad idea to try out Joe Girardi, who is the best choice for the job by far. DUH, he was the manager of the year in 2006. Mattingly is not ready quite yet. Anyway, I go back and forth on Joe every 10 minutes, so don't ask me. There are 2 necessary people to bring back....Jorge and Mo. Jorge was the best catcher in the AL this season, and Mo has invaluable qualities to all the relievers in that bullpen as a coach and can still bring the heat as one of the few automatic closers in baseball.

Go Indians!

This post written while listening to: Smashing Pumpkins "That's the way (my love is)"

One of the many things I need to have......like, NOW

I found this video on Geekologie, and like a blank keyboard, its one of those things I just need to have. I would be tooting this thing 24/7. I'm not much of a horn honker on the roads. Usually I am just a roll down the window and let out a loud "coaching on the hudson river voice" perverse profanity. Which may or may not be next to an elementary school that is being let out of class ......Like last week.

Anyway, tell me you wouldn't love to have this......

So much to blog about, so little multi-tasking ability

I didn't want to let another 2 weeks sneak by without getting a post in. The strange thing about being a blogger is that you never get to stop being one. When more than 2 days goes by without blogging, it's not as though I forget about it completely or when something interesting happens, I don't come crashing back to the fact that I haven't written anything in a while. Blogging has become a permanent part of me, just like my 22 inch biceps. ho ho ha ha. Anyway, I don't want any of the faithful to think that just because I am not blogging, that I am not suffering thinking about blogging, its just that I am too much of a simpleton to handle that many things at once. I think most people who seriously blog feel the same way. Their procrastination list is one item larger. I did vow not to let it happen during this busy time of year like last year, so I am valiantly making myself churn out another humdinger of a post.

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What have I been doing you ask? Well....."a bunch of things," I answer. I have been rowing from 5AM to 6:30 AM in an attempt to keep my rowing career intact, which was going swimmingly (that's an un-truthful pun, if rowing is going well I would not be doing any kind of swimming, but I like the raucous grammatical and syntax chaos that is YFYB) until I got sick in the early part of last week. I have also been trying to have some kind of social life on the weekend when people demand it of me and when I am not racing in said rowing boat. Thus, my copious amount of free time has been reduced significantly since the first of September. My weekends of 10 hour sleep fests, house cleaning, and movies on TV have been removed completely for the next 2 months. Good thing I am so good at being productive........if it was opposites day.

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I never get sick. Which isn't really true, cause I am right now, but it is such a rare occurrence that I am giving myself that title. Anyway, I tried to find some medicine in the pharmacy, and that made my head hurt more. There was so many different kinds, I think that by the time I made a decision on which cold medicine to pick, my sickness was gone. I can understand the free-market economics of there being more than one brand of cold medicine, but why does each of the 30 different brands have 30 different formulas for the same symptoms? I decided to just lay on the floor and lick myself till someone came to save me and give me something and push me out the door so I wouldn't have to pick myself and I can blame the lack of the medicines effectiveness on them. Surely, I would never be so careless as to pick the medicine that helped my fever, but not my emphysema cough. Stupid stock boy.

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I also like to whine about being sick to anyone, including un-knowing Internet blog browsers. I understand this trait to be unpleasant, but how would you know how heroic I was in not missing any work or training, if I didn't tell you how sick I was?

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The other morning, I lost one of my contact lenses while I was rowing. I always forget that I am blind till I lose one, and I come to a crashing and very very sad realization. No seriously, I am blind, and I also have some cataracts as well. If my eyes get any worse, then I can't wear contacts anymore because they don't make them that strong. I also have a family history of a detached retna, so I am slowly getting comfortable to the possibility of using a white cane. Once again, I am allergic to dogs, and I like non-lethal sword fighting, so the white cane is perfect for my lifestyle. I would have to use "the force" for these fights, but I am confident in my ability to whoop Sith and non-sith ass.

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Anyway, the row home was not fun at all and I began to feel a bit nauseous from the disorientating focus. I did not crash into anything, but it was only because nothing else is out at 5AM besides us crazies. I also would like to blame miss diminutive training partner for making fun of my headlight that I (used to) wear and thus making me self conscious and thus dangerous behind the oars. She won't laugh so hard when I am dead! or when I give her a "soaking wet from cold river water" hug.
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During this busy season, S.Vincent is looking for a house cleaner/personal chef/ laundry do-er to work for kisses. Preferably female with a full set of teeth. Please send resume with picture to svclarke@hotmail.com
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This post written while listening to: Nine Inch Nails "Vessel"

S.Vincent on the job.....