Hey M-effer! I'm walkin here!

Hittin the keyboards live from NYC today. It's like Bruce and the E-street band at the Garden only.....I'm way taller than he is.

I like going to the city just for a short amount of time. I go often enough so I don't feel like a complete tourist whenever I am here. More like, a well recepted guest.

I walked polly around this morning and we had to be quite the pair with her fluffy cuteness and my rugged not-ness. Dogs are everywhere in NYC these days, it seems like the population has tripled from when I was younger. Everyone has a dog and spends lots of money on it. Usually I use polly to trip people with the leash because she's oblivious to the common rules of society as am I, and to sneak small snacks away from strangers. Shes fat, so she doesn't need anymore treats. I however, need a little fuel to keep the angry-mean faces I make extra tight and scary.

Some things are necessary for whenever you make trips to the greatest city in the world. You MUST bring sunglasses; extra dark lenses, never take them off. This makes gawking much easier, just make sure you're not drooling too. Night time, at church, in the subway, in the movies, getting your teetch cleaned, etc. NEVER TAKE THEM OFF. No one respects you anyway, so you might as well carry the illusion of wonder.

Bring your most comfortable pair of shoes, even if they have holes in the toes or someone elses blood on the bottom. Certainly don't wear a new untested pair of shoes. Don't worry about being cool or fashionable in this department, you do not have a unique pair of shoes in NYC, everybody thinks that they do, but they don't. You will look very uncool sitting on a park bench by yourself because you can't get anywhere in your stylish edition of cheese graters that you wear on your feet that 6 people in your vicinity are wearing anyway, of which 3 are ugly homeless people. You can wear all of what you think are stylish clothes, but don't mess around with your footwear.

Come prepared for anything at anytime, bring a small bag with you. Just an example of what I have in my bag on thi trip. A hatchet, nitro glycerin, copy of the Koran, trou, an extra pair of socks, a swim cap, glitter, a trident, 40ft of 300lb-test steel cable, iodine tablets, weapons grade mace, paperclips, and headshots of Bea Arthur. If you have tons of money though, you don't need to bring too much, because you can find any of that stuff in a 4 block radius to purchase should you need it.

As much as I am an experienced city traveller, I can't help but keep my eye out for people I might know. I tend to get gas when I am surprised, so I have to see people I know before they see me, just a little quirk of mine. Micheal Assenza is everywhere in NYC, so I can almost expect to see him whenever I am down here. But, I think he might stalk me like he does all those small children from one parent broken households. He always has candy, so that's what I assume he does.

I'm sorry that this blog is not as cool as some of the others out there. I may be a nerd, but I am not a computer nerd. I read about all the new things you can do with the new version of blogger.com, but I am afraid it is beyond my nerd skills which apply mostly to just being plain ol socially awkward. Anyway, they sound really cool so if you can explain it to me slowly and with small pictures, then i might be able to understand it.