Hey M-effer! I'm walkin here!

Hittin the keyboards live from NYC today. It's like Bruce and the E-street band at the Garden only.....I'm way taller than he is.

I like going to the city just for a short amount of time. I go often enough so I don't feel like a complete tourist whenever I am here. More like, a well recepted guest.

I walked polly around this morning and we had to be quite the pair with her fluffy cuteness and my rugged not-ness. Dogs are everywhere in NYC these days, it seems like the population has tripled from when I was younger. Everyone has a dog and spends lots of money on it. Usually I use polly to trip people with the leash because she's oblivious to the common rules of society as am I, and to sneak small snacks away from strangers. Shes fat, so she doesn't need anymore treats. I however, need a little fuel to keep the angry-mean faces I make extra tight and scary.

Some things are necessary for whenever you make trips to the greatest city in the world. You MUST bring sunglasses; extra dark lenses, never take them off. This makes gawking much easier, just make sure you're not drooling too. Night time, at church, in the subway, in the movies, getting your teetch cleaned, etc. NEVER TAKE THEM OFF. No one respects you anyway, so you might as well carry the illusion of wonder.

Bring your most comfortable pair of shoes, even if they have holes in the toes or someone elses blood on the bottom. Certainly don't wear a new untested pair of shoes. Don't worry about being cool or fashionable in this department, you do not have a unique pair of shoes in NYC, everybody thinks that they do, but they don't. You will look very uncool sitting on a park bench by yourself because you can't get anywhere in your stylish edition of cheese graters that you wear on your feet that 6 people in your vicinity are wearing anyway, of which 3 are ugly homeless people. You can wear all of what you think are stylish clothes, but don't mess around with your footwear.

Come prepared for anything at anytime, bring a small bag with you. Just an example of what I have in my bag on thi trip. A hatchet, nitro glycerin, copy of the Koran, trou, an extra pair of socks, a swim cap, glitter, a trident, 40ft of 300lb-test steel cable, iodine tablets, weapons grade mace, paperclips, and headshots of Bea Arthur. If you have tons of money though, you don't need to bring too much, because you can find any of that stuff in a 4 block radius to purchase should you need it.

As much as I am an experienced city traveller, I can't help but keep my eye out for people I might know. I tend to get gas when I am surprised, so I have to see people I know before they see me, just a little quirk of mine. Micheal Assenza is everywhere in NYC, so I can almost expect to see him whenever I am down here. But, I think he might stalk me like he does all those small children from one parent broken households. He always has candy, so that's what I assume he does.

I'm sorry that this blog is not as cool as some of the others out there. I may be a nerd, but I am not a computer nerd. I read about all the new things you can do with the new version of blogger.com, but I am afraid it is beyond my nerd skills which apply mostly to just being plain ol socially awkward. Anyway, they sound really cool so if you can explain it to me slowly and with small pictures, then i might be able to understand it.

two fer.......wednesday?

Thats right, two posts in one day. It's more rare than a solar eclipse while winning the lottery on a nice day with a non-douche in NJ. For the record, thats 2, count em 2, NJ jokes today as well. Damn I'm ornery. Anyway, I am feeling a little spunky so I'll whittle myself a nice little post and hopefully sleep well in my cave with all my rat and spider friends.

I left the TV off tonight. Sometimes I wish I had the willpower to just get rid of the TV and read more books and actually do laundry on a consistent basis. Maybe, take up something cool like............custom making baseball mits for MLB players.

I like driving to loud rock and roll music. I feel like people don't talk about this very much because theres not much to say. Its fun and everybody likes it, but why is the experience greatly enhanced when you are doing the driving? I don't enjoy the music quite as much when I am a passenger or just sitting and doing some paperwork. What is it about holding the wheel that gives the song an extra 20% enjoyment level?

Get ready in Po-Vegas for the cold snap that is going to hit in the next couple of days. I kind of like the extreme temperatures just because I enjoy the experience of being in it. Only 2-4 times a year can I say "Wow, this is the coldest weather I have seen in a while", So long as I don't have to stay in it, of course. I'm not making any sense, but thats okay, all you need to know Is I look forward to the experience. I'm the same idiot who tastes things when people say "Wow, this is awful.....here, taste it"

My deoderant says "por hommes" on it, which is spanish for; "For Men". I wondered for the first time if this is where the american slang word "Homey's" came from. Then I remembered that Homey is short for Home-boy, which is slang for "A friend of mine from where I grew up". Just a little sprinkling of an entire 10 minute convo I had with myself in the shower in case you were unsure of what I think about on any given day. Over perceptive and analyzed idiocy mixed with asanine trivia is the best way to describe it.

The talent is long lasting, not everlasting

Sometimes coming up with material to write about is hard. Well actually, the problem is that coming up with the thoughts is not neccessarily hard, but designing a coherent way to convey it. I have thousands of thoughts every day and sometimes I record them, but that is not good enough to create an entire paragraph on. I find myself in a connundrum of running out of writing talent or maybe, running out of easy talent and it puts a nice little damper on my posting frequency.

However, any idiot knows that any effort is better than no effort at all, so just writing about my writing is the solution. Like the title says, "the talent is long lasting, not everlasting".

I never understood what people feared about Willy Wonka and the ol chocolate factory. I know the oompa loompas are creepy, and the river boat trip with the slide show of oompa loompa land is a little scary, but we live in a real world of many small orange people and places that are awful (two words: Lindsay Lohan and New Jersey) If you can't face your fears and persevere onward, you won't make it very far. You can't push the stop button on the VCR of Life.

One of my favorite treats of all time is a donut and coffee to dunk it in. Not just for the taste, which is fabulous, but for the fact that the coffee soaks the donut down so you can pound it in 1/4 of the time of a dry donut. That way not many people catch me in the fatness zone.

A few tips on how to shave like a champion.
1) stop using cheap shaving cream. We live in a world of wonderous variety and superior technology, stop buying the same thing as your dad does. The creamier the cream, the better. A good test is that your skin should feel lotioney after the razor drags across it. It should have a thick consistency and spread out thickly over the surface like icing on a cake. Personally, I use Aveeno Cream

2)less is better. The longer the hair, the softer the root is and it will shave smoother away. If you need to shave everyday, you should use electric. Don't wait too long though, otherwise the hair is too long and will clog and yank out instead of cut. Personally, its every 7 days for me.

3)sharpness is key. A blade gets 2 face shaves per use or one set of legs shaves. Use disposable razors, they are cheap and well designed these days. An expensive razor does nothing for you if you try to extend the life of the blades past its effectiveness because they cost a lot to replace. Personally I use Shick Slim Twins

4) Moisturization and Alcohol. A must after every shave. The alcohol insures proper hair regrowth by preventing infection and the moisturization keeps the skin soft and moisturizes the new skin layers so they surface properly. You don't need fantastic expensive lotion, but a good lotion used frequently. Personally I use Aveeno Daily Moisturizing Lotion.

........No, YOU'RE A FAG!

The internet will never be perfect to me until I can easily find exactly what I want.

The internet will always be on my good side while I can still get access to things like this, this, and this.

The two best comedians I saw specials on last year were Jim Gaffigan and Louis CK.........not Dane Cook.

Alright, S.Vincent over and OUT!

This post written while listening to: Jimmy Eat World "Futures"

I'm not just ficial, I'm SUPER-ficial.

Americans; by their own nature, are super. So it comes naturally to those within the borders to be superficial. I've updated the blog links on the right side of the screen with a great site for our culture, thesuperficial.com. Sure it's shallow and pig-ish of us to create or enjoy such entertainment from the misery and lowpoints of our "celebrities." It may even be responsible for the decline of of our social values to all new lows. But, it wouldn't be very super or American of us if we didn't take ficial and super-size it. God Bless America.

(*ficial is not a word, so leave this witty theory out of your first date repetoire, unless you're dating someone who doesn't speak english ......Oh, and PS: Britney appears to be following the career path of Axel Rose all the way down to his looks)

Every once and a while when I am listening to the radio and the station is giving its local concert info, they will announce the performance of a cover band. Cover bands are one of the great mysteries to me in this day and age. First and most perplexing is; who goes to see cover bands? If you are a fan of the band that is being covered, doesn't a cover band make you feel like you bought tickets to watch high school kids perform one of your favorite movies in their back yard? Why not just go see the real band or, if they are a broken up band; preserve the memories correctly through the tapes? There is no reason to see a fake band. That's like going to an art gallery to see copies of the Mona Lisa. Second; how does a cover band get started? How can you, as a musician, be content with solely copying other people? I don't know anyone who starts with a dream of sounding just like someone else. Do you have no pride? The whole point of undertaking an art form is to have originality. Even when popular musicians undertake old works, they have their own songs first and add their own touch to old songs to give them new originality. A cover band is just trying to mimic as close as possible. So yeah, I don't get it. Throw me a comment, if you can plead a good case for cover bands.

Is it my imagination, or did there use to be scented garbage bags? Bags sprayed with a special odor containing scent that helped dampen garbage odors? If there was, why didn't it work? If there wasn't, why aren't there? Thats a pretty simple idea to improve an existing product. The problem with a small apartment is that it takes about .2 seconds to attain a garbage smell from a stinky garbage can. I guess its time for me to invest in a can with a lid on it. But, I still wish there were scented garbage bags, none-the-less.

How close are we from seeing one of the members of the "Fart in a Mitten" group attempting to seriously wear novelty sunglasses as real fashion items? I'm all for using styles from previous decades in a modern way but, the new 70's large sunglasses are getting a little out of control.

(Background: The "Fart in a Mitten" group is the name I call the Paris, Britney, Lindsay, Nicole, and Tara group of clones after the amusing video in which Paris was read a peice of hate-mail in which she was described as a fart in a mitten. An entertaining and strangely fitting description. It gets mean at the end, but hate mail isn't written by nice people.)

You know what would be cool? A place where you could get your dog groomed and yourself groomed at the same time. It might already even exist. I know my mom would go there, but I may just have inadvertantly insulted her. The name of the store could be "Turner and Hooch Hair Salon" Okay, that's awful, forget I said it.

Mexican Food is the new Chinease Food.

What is the history of the Dollar Store? Did it used to be a 50 cent store? Did you used to get more for a dollar in the store? Is there any correlation to the average income and crime rate of an area within 5 miles of the Dollar Store? Who created the Dollar Store? Will there come a time when inflation ruins the dollar store business and all you can buy there is 1 breath mint? Is it incredibly funny that someone found this at a dollar store, or is it just me?

This Post Written While Listening to: Dallas vs Seattle Playoff Game.