Get away from me with that arrow, or I'll spank your naked heiney

Its Valentines Day people. Time to recognize the fact that you have been alone for a very long time now or that you are fortunate to have a significant other. You're probably upset about your current situation either way. I'm not that deep however and I am only concerned about my current chocolate situation. I have none. I long for the days when I would get sweaty from the overload of sugar and the swollen ankles and the chocolate blackouts and the upset stomach and toothaches from caramel coated teeth. Oh Chocolate how I love thee, let me count the ways.

Luckily for the sport minded amoung us, the Winter Olympics is running now. I love the olympics, I watch it all, all the events. I love the drama, the real emotions, the hype, the songs, the outfits, the losers and winners, the people stories, the scenary, etc. Let's discuss some of the things I've noticed about the games.

The speed skating event is my favorite of possibly both olympics. Its got everything I love in a sport. Huge amounts of dedication and will needed to succeed. Low tech but not too low tech, obscurity, lots of pain, wicked cool spandex and footwear, sunglasses, and dramatic racing. What more could you want? Seriously, I love it. One of my sports heros is Eric Heiden who won 5 golds in one winter olympics back in 1980. I wish I could take this sport up somewhere.

That said, I do not like the short track events all that much, especially Apollo Anton Ohno. Listen dude, I respect you as an athlete but you look like you wiped your chin on someones butthole. I don't mean to be gross and its not that I don't like the Soul Patches, but when it's poopyshit brown and not not black, it looks stupid. Trim it down, dye it black or remove it for your own sake. The short track seems too jippy and inconsistent. I like dominance and hardest working wins type sports. Short track is just being in the right place at the right time.

The snowboarding is another event that I enjoy, but who picked white pinstriped uniforms for the US team? In a sport that relies on flash and stand out tricks, wouldn't you want to stand out against the snow instead of blending in? I also noticed a lot of boarders were wearing iPods for their run (couldn't find pic). Why can't they play their music selection for the crowd? It would be a lot better for the crowd and the fans to have some awesome snowboarder music to compliment their tricks.

I'm a patriotic guy, but the russian national anthem is the coolest anthem around, don't go getting all McCarthy on me, I'm just saying what I like. This could be possibly be because I like Rocky 4 too much. Anyway, the Russian athletes cry just as hard at theirs as we do at ours. I personally think we overplay ours too much. Seems like everything we do, we have to start off with the Star Spangled Banner. Should be reserved for the world series, superbowl, NBA Finals and Stanley Cup only. No more of this every game stuff.

Can we please stop with the extreme close-ups on the athletes faces? These people are not profssional athletes and they are not professionally groomed. I do not care to see that Mr. "I wear my velvet ice dancing pants too tight" had a salad for lunch or that he didn't wipe his eye boogies out when he woke up this morning. Zoom in: yes, but lets leave her unkept eyebrows out of this.

This post written while listening to: Ray LaMontagne "Trouble"