raw like cocaine straight from bolivia

It has come to my attention that many of you were not able to see Willy C's dance with the devil in the pale disco-light. Don't worry I have come to the rescue I hope. I was able to see it while many were not. Unfourtunatly, now it's hype will by now have outdone the actual picture. Here it is anyway, but understand this is not that great, only great to those who know the not so great Will.

All this talk about Will is starting to make me feel like a stalker. So no more will for a little while, he got stalked enough in college. So we'll shift focus back to me and talk about the success of the blog. Trust me I am not going to let this go to my head. I understand that the blog provides a 10 minute escape from boredom. No one would miss it if it was gone. My point being is, that this small amount of praise is how people like Tyra Banks get TV shows and think that they are qualified to give advice to young pregnant drop out teens who are watching TV at 12 in the afternoon on a weekday. I'm not suggesting you watch even for un-intentional comedy purposes, but tyra thinks she's the non-fat Oprah.

I've been watching lipstick commercials for many years now. I don't think the layout of one has changed in about 30 years. Just newer models, that's it. The thing I wanna know is? Does anyone under the age of 45 even wear those violent red shades anymore? The commercials are advertising clown paint on 25 year olds for pete's sake! It just doesn't make sense to me.

More quick olympic hits. The italian national anthem sucks, it sounds like music you would hear while you were walking by the fried dough tent at the county fair. Speaking of county fairs, doesn't Sasha Cohen look a little like a dressed up carney? Just me huh?

I hate songs like "My Humps". It sounds good beat wise, but then you hear the lyrics and it makes me want to throw up. I hate songs like this that advocate being a biotch with an attitude that you look good and are never wrong. It makes me want to park outside McDonalds and chuck milkshakes at skanks in Mitsubishi Eclipses. Similar Songs include: The milkshake song, the banannas song, and most stuff by missy elliot. I recall a monologue by David Starsky "That goes for the rest of you too, don't pretend to be somethin your not. Being who you are, thats whats really cool"

I was watching some weird late night movie the other day, and I ran into Casey Jones. I don't know what his real name is, but we all remember Casey Jones from the most awesome pre-teen movie remake of our fav cartoon, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I don't understand why he didn't get more roles. He was like a poor mans Antonio Banderas. Honestly, seemed like he could be a good actor. Casey Jones, if you are out there, I respect you. Maybe I'll marry one of your figurines like when Pee-Wee married Fruit salad on Pee-Wee's playhouse.

If I had to pick only 2 channels for my TV it would be ESPN and VH1. The worst show on TV for me right now is The Gym on FitTv. It intrigues me to watch people at the gym, but when it turns out they are all D-bags like everyone else at the gym, I immediatley get angry and throw stuff. I hate that show, yet I can't look away. Do not watch it, real people are not like these people!

I never have to use it, but how cool is the dry cleaning hook in the car? All cars have them! what and ingenius invention and application! Weird, right? I have seen cars without cupholders, but with dry cleaning hooks. How odd. On a side note, I find dry cleaning very odd in itself. Maybe thats why I never do it.

This post written while Listening to: Zack Hexum "The Story so Far"

Quick, before Indy sees!

I was browsing the old Eattodd.com today to see what links work and what doesn't and I stumbled across an awesome pic of our old buddy Will Copeland.

In this photo, Will was spyed by myself and told nbaish to get a shot of Willy C dancing with the biggest hosebeast ever, at the crew formal a few years ago when Will was hot. Let it be known that Will was forced into this, he did not dance on his own desire. In fact, she might have a set of vice grips on wills balls for all we know, or threatened to kill his Dog, (who likes to eat watermelon rinds and other garbage)

I <3 spandex, why don't you?

As a crew guy out of the womb, I have been comfortable in spandex for some time. When doing crew type things, I need to have spandex and this has carried over to my weightlifting as well, for legs that is. Unfourtunatly, I am unaware that I look weird and don't want to be aware. Just leave me in my well supported world. I know I am not well endowed and I have an applebottom, but I don't notice it and would rather think about working out instead of the appropriateness of my outfit.

I sold my high school car this week to some weird guy from across the river who looked just like the father from The Nutty Professor for $200 bones. It was a sad time because my original sentimental hoopty is now gone and I still drive a POS that I have no attachment to whatsoever. However, a highlight was going through the glovebox to see if I left anything in there. Holy Cow Batman, a treaure chest! I stash things I might need everywhere, I am chronic prepare in case of emergency type of guy and then forget that I put it there. In this glovebox I found: Aviator sunglasses from Erik Vincilette, a cool watch, splenda packets, breath spray, eye drops, a pair of gloves (ha, ironic or what), 1.75 in change, a map of NYC, 3 Bic Pens, and half a roll of water damaged Tums. Sweet right? I was so excited to find all of these things.

Can I say that I like hot chicks who drive trucks? There is something very pure about that. They seem so free from societal norms and all the bad stuff associated with being a girl in the new millenia. It's like you get more from just a view of a hot chick, you get a little view into their personality. They just don't seem shallow and stupid. I love chicks who drive trucks, they get major bonus points in my book. Granted, I'm not qualified to date anyone period; be it truck, car, grocery cart, or hooker boots, so this is just all pie in the sky dreams. But a hot chick with an accent and a truck who likes to laugh at my jokes and you got yourself a stalker with the initials SVC. Welll.......as long as they don't have a "I drive like retard and support the troops" ribbon on their truck or are a not-hot lesbo. Its a rare find, and that's why I like it.

Time for another shout out. I got a new digital camera and I love it. However, my bud nicky baish was the first guy I knew to fully utilize a digital camera. Baish-Bomb even had a blog before anyone I ever knew. It was called Eattodd.com and those from back in the day will remember the good times. Nicky is now using his computer skills for good use to get his masters degree in animation and I'm sure he'll be billionaire. But the dream started with a digital camera and Eattodd. Those were the days. So every queer out there you see with a cheap ass camera and snapping pics like crazy every which way, remember where you came from. A kick ass little guy with geekiness to the tips of his hair and a vision of fun.

Quick Shots here: Why isn't there more full service gas in NY? Frozen pens, do not work-on that note-neither do frozen penis'. Does anyone else play "What celebrity does this regular person look like"? Don't try to write stuff while driving.


This Post Written while listening to: Jeff Buckley "Live at Sin-`e"

Get away from me with that arrow, or I'll spank your naked heiney

Its Valentines Day people. Time to recognize the fact that you have been alone for a very long time now or that you are fortunate to have a significant other. You're probably upset about your current situation either way. I'm not that deep however and I am only concerned about my current chocolate situation. I have none. I long for the days when I would get sweaty from the overload of sugar and the swollen ankles and the chocolate blackouts and the upset stomach and toothaches from caramel coated teeth. Oh Chocolate how I love thee, let me count the ways.

Luckily for the sport minded amoung us, the Winter Olympics is running now. I love the olympics, I watch it all, all the events. I love the drama, the real emotions, the hype, the songs, the outfits, the losers and winners, the people stories, the scenary, etc. Let's discuss some of the things I've noticed about the games.

The speed skating event is my favorite of possibly both olympics. Its got everything I love in a sport. Huge amounts of dedication and will needed to succeed. Low tech but not too low tech, obscurity, lots of pain, wicked cool spandex and footwear, sunglasses, and dramatic racing. What more could you want? Seriously, I love it. One of my sports heros is Eric Heiden who won 5 golds in one winter olympics back in 1980. I wish I could take this sport up somewhere.

That said, I do not like the short track events all that much, especially Apollo Anton Ohno. Listen dude, I respect you as an athlete but you look like you wiped your chin on someones butthole. I don't mean to be gross and its not that I don't like the Soul Patches, but when it's poopyshit brown and not not black, it looks stupid. Trim it down, dye it black or remove it for your own sake. The short track seems too jippy and inconsistent. I like dominance and hardest working wins type sports. Short track is just being in the right place at the right time.

The snowboarding is another event that I enjoy, but who picked white pinstriped uniforms for the US team? In a sport that relies on flash and stand out tricks, wouldn't you want to stand out against the snow instead of blending in? I also noticed a lot of boarders were wearing iPods for their run (couldn't find pic). Why can't they play their music selection for the crowd? It would be a lot better for the crowd and the fans to have some awesome snowboarder music to compliment their tricks.

I'm a patriotic guy, but the russian national anthem is the coolest anthem around, don't go getting all McCarthy on me, I'm just saying what I like. This could be possibly be because I like Rocky 4 too much. Anyway, the Russian athletes cry just as hard at theirs as we do at ours. I personally think we overplay ours too much. Seems like everything we do, we have to start off with the Star Spangled Banner. Should be reserved for the world series, superbowl, NBA Finals and Stanley Cup only. No more of this every game stuff.

Can we please stop with the extreme close-ups on the athletes faces? These people are not profssional athletes and they are not professionally groomed. I do not care to see that Mr. "I wear my velvet ice dancing pants too tight" had a salad for lunch or that he didn't wipe his eye boogies out when he woke up this morning. Zoom in: yes, but lets leave her unkept eyebrows out of this.

This post written while listening to: Ray LaMontagne "Trouble"

File me under B, for Bad-Ass Blogger

The problem with taking all these little notes is that I often forget what they mean, or some of the background behind them. But I have lots of little tidbits here and I thought the more the better so todays blog will be a bunch of little snipets. Short and Sweet blog, like Maria Zandri, but not like LG who is tall and sour, because she complains all day about everything.

I have a problem with saying "no problem". Unfourtunatly I can't say that phrase without sounding like a sarcastic ass and I can't stop saying it as my auto response when someone says "excuse me" or "sorry". I don't knwo why I noticed it just now, but if I offend you by the way I say "no problem" be aware that I am aware of it.

I had a particularly harrowing trip to the grocery store the other day. I think I was walking around cursed and didn't know it. Let me break down the sequence of events: First I drop-kicked my gum when I got out of my car. It went so far that I lost track of it, and then stepped on it just before I got in the store. WTF are the chances of that?!?! Then I got a cart with a bad wheel that decided to kick in halfway through the trip. (not exactly earth shattering) Then to my shock and dismay, I found out that they discontinued Kraft Carb-Free BBQ sauce at stop and shop. Don't they realize that I'll die with out my BBQ? how is it possible to do such a thing? I was very upset. Have no fear! I found a worthy replacement. Mix Carb-Free ketchup with BBQ Seasoning and viola! a sauce that kinda tastes like BBQ with no sugar. Brilliant! However, this momentary triumph was spoiled when I got home and in the impossible task of holding all of my 10 grocery bags, reaching into my pocket, pulling out my 5000 keys, selecting the house key, and getting it into keyhole all at the same time, a jar of garlic fell out and smashed all over the door way. Little minced garlic peices everywhere....I think my heart smashed into little minced peices too. I was done for the day, I needed a double wings on the rocks and a nap.

I realized that a Taquito is a mix of the words Taco and Burrito. However, I think that it is more of a mix between a Taco and a Dorito; which would explain why I would need to call in sick if I ever ate one.

I would be interested in how many times I fake laugh or fake smile in a day to my co-workers. I find myself doing this a lot! Just to get through a stupid conversation ASAP. People, the fake laugh means SHUT UP and GO AWAY! I would say its around 35 times a day I am faking an expression. I think everyone does it, but those of us in customer service are pros at it.

They changed the phone number for 1-800-Mattress. I'm serious, watch the commercial next time. I am very confused now.

On CSI: Since I am a late bloomer to the show and catch re-runs and currents, I could be confused about this for no reason. Is Sarah Sidal in love with Grissom? What is their relationship exactly? What is Grissoms deal anyway? Why doesn't he bring a gun anywhere? Why is he so foolish when it comes to things like that, but so smart in things like motives? Why is he so surprised when people want to hurt him?

Seans Rotten Tomato: I hate when people pronounce the names of countries with the accent from that country. i.e. "mayheeco" "Fraaaancee" "eetalia" when they or their parents are not from that country. You sound like a pompus loser. Stop.

Now, as many of you know; Alex Bea was the inspiration for me to start blogging, and to start legislature to A-bomb everything south of the Mason Dixon. However, another influence who laid some foundation for this desire is The Sports Guy on ESPN.com. If you are a sports and pop-culture nut like me, I think you will enjoy checking in on The Sports Guy. He's awesome as a time killer and writes great stuff.

This post written while listening to: The Beastie Boys "To the 5 Boroughs"

super blog XL numero dos

Part 2 of 2 here:

So I was doing one of my long distance ergs and like any rational person, I began to think of food. I thought about how I could really go for a bacon egg and cheese. Then I thought, what I could really go for is wings. Too bad my drug dealer doesn't open till 11......Then it hit me. There should be a wing, egg and cheese!

I know, you are a mess of emotions right now at the possibility of this phenominal sandwich. I told this idea to partner in wing crimes; Jimmy Tyler, and he said he was going to pull the rug out from under me and take it national before I could. I agreed under the premise that as long as I got a free T-shirt, I'd be okay with it.

So have you seen the new wendy's commercial when they use their dollar menu as a replacement for real money? Am I the only one who asses the value of things now as " # of bacon cheesburgers"? Its a very fun way at looking at the value of things and can be randomly used in public to create small talk. Most people will know what you are talking about and laugh along. You'll be the hit of the party. You can pay me for the idea later...my fee is 20 bacon cheeseburgers.

okay, I have a bunch of things I wrote down that I don't have in depth opinions (ha, like any of my stupid opinions have any depth) on. So maybe we'll create another running topic to go along with the Rotten Tomato and Funny Commericals.
For simplicity we'll call it.....Seans Left-Overs. It'll include random questions and thoughts that I have had recently.

Is Stewie the funniest TV show character on TV right now? Jim Gaffigan: Beyond the Pale was a very funny special on Comedy Central, if you like poop jokes, and what normal person doesn't. Do kids still watch Disney Movies? Does Disney even make movies anymore? NHL should have its players be miked up all the time, especially the Euopean ones with horrible english. If someone uses the word "probably", they are probably lying. i.e "I think I was going probably 40 mph". The funniest thing David Letterman did the other night had nothing to do with any of his written jokes or interviews, but with his unintentional use of Alicia Keys CD as a coaster while she was performing on his show. I want to start a Reality TV show called "Yard Sales" in which we show real "Yard Sales". I would hire Ashley Angel to host.

This post written while listening to: Howie Day "Australia"

super blog XL

Don't get your hopes up, no media giant here. Just a loser who doesn't have any good material and very uncreative titles. This'll do pig, this'll do........(mental picture of jerome bettis)

So I was a good boy and I made my list up of things to talk about in my blog. I haven't written in a while and technically i should have better material and well planned topics all organized and ready to go....but I don't. However, if you were looking for organized creative insightful bloggery you wouldn't come within a mile of my crappola.

Well you all know about my patented Female Cheese theory, so i've got another one for you along the same lines. Guys love knives, specifically Pocket knives and multi-tools, 90% will have at least 2 pocket knives. It must be some right of manly passage that we feel we must have a pocket knife in our possesion somewhere in case we need to cut something at any time or stab someone. Weird, but girls should go ahead and conduct the study for themselves. You may be scared to find out that most guys could gut you like a fish at any given time. It's just a weird thing that most guys don't really talk about but all feel compelled to have, and I find it interesting to observe. Not so much that guys have pocket knives, but that most do and females rarely do. I blame the boy scouts and Rambo. Females must have the same sort of thing in their history too that is like the pocket knife for guys, but I can't think of what it might be. Maybe it's a cookie? The girl scouts are never far away from a cookie, and I've seen plenty a woman get pretty excited over a thin mint. Anyway, this is a great present for a guy if you are looking for something different and easy. No real man turns away a pocket knife.

TBC......tomorrow