Idiot: "Joe?, Joe who?" .......... Wise Ass: "Jo-MAMA!"

I love the out of nowhere your mama jokes. Yes, I re-live high school on a daily basis and let it effect my daily decision making process, and how I converse with other members of society. Like you don't!?

I would like to give some props to my boy at the LaFarge Barge Company. This is an all time first for me in my 15 years of rowing on the Hudson. He slowed way down when he saw me approach him in the opposite direction, so I spun quickly in order to get as much of my peice in before he would eventually pass me and his wake would cause me to stop. To my absolute astonishment: He stopped, waited for me to get ahead and then paced me down the length of the river so that his wake would not hit me.

The entire 35 min peice! I could not believe what was happening. Barges NEVER wait for rowers, they slow down slightly, but they never have the time to go only 6 miles in 30 mins. Rowers understand that the drivers have a job to do and they can't wait for us to piddle paddle stop piddle paddle again. Hudson River rowers have dealt with this as long as there have been barges and rowers, so you can understand my surprise to see such an outward gesture towards me.

When I hit the dock I gave him a big wave of thanks. I wish I could have done more to show my aprreciation, but my personal marching band has Thursdays off. I don't know if he saw me, but Mr. LaFarge Barge driver...this Bud is for you....you are a King amoungst insects.

This week I have been forced to encounter 3 things I absolutely HATE. So the newest edition of Seans Rotten Tomato has multiple subjects. Leading off is Graduation Ceremonies. I HATE them, 4-5 hours of sitting around for :10 secs worth of actual enjoyment. I swear to God if my parents didn't force me to go to both of mine, I would not have been within Nuclear Fallout range of either of them. I had to go to my sisters, but I was angry for all these kids that had to sit through this disaster of human culture. You spend 4 years EARNING a degree and then you have to wait 5 hours on a hot lawn in a stupid outfit like some kind of jack-ass initiation to feel honored to recieve a degree. Eff YOU, its MY diploma, give ME the effin thing I spent 4 years and 80 grand for and SPARE me the pompus BS. Imagine if you spent 80k on a new car and had to wait 5 hours out in the hot sun at the dealership while they told you and your family how good of a car you got. It's absolute BS and I refuse to listen otherwise. Give them what they deserve and lets get the eff on with life like normal people.

Second goes to morning radio. I just absolutely HATE that crap in the morning. I'm not the mood for inane jokes and loud stupid voices and 5 million commericals. Why doesn't ONE station play music? I am forced to listen to classical because they are the only ones who seem to understand that a music station plays EFFIN MUSIC!

Third goes to those goddamn Fanta Girls. Otherwise known as the "Fantana's" I hate everything about them, their soda, their attitudes and their god-awful song. I swear on a stack of bibles if I ever run into them I am going to rub their fake smiley faces with high-grit sandpaper until they are raw and then hold their heads in a mixture of saltwater and lemon juice. Ummm...yeah!

SportsCenter was especially good this morning. I love everything about that show, and the quality has remained consistent. Great catch phrases and references to movies that SC viewers know and love. Antonio McDyess proved his brain is a coil of wrapped up shoelaces and used the word "controversity" without blinking an eye. Full-time/long-time baseball geek Greg Maddux pulled a Paul O'Neill and went apeshit on a water cooler. I don't understand why more players don't do this more often. I LOVED when Paul O'Neill would do it. The coach for the U.S. Mens Soccer Team has one of the most painful sounding lisps I have ever heard. I have no idea how you can be a productive coach with that kind of a speech impediment. Maybe why the US is going to get slaughtered in the World Cup this year.


This Post written while listening to: The Chemical Brothers "Dig Your Own Hole"

Raging against the machine

So on one of my many visits to crummy hotels the past month, I lost my cell phone charger. Now, as many of you know, I have the original Zack Morris phone and losing this charger would almost certainly mean the death of my beloved phone. (complimentry Kelly Kapowski photo) To think she was on my TV every saturday morning........(dreamy face)........

ANYWAY,
No colors, no texting, no pictures, no phone books, no colors, no # or * key, no cameras, no bluetooth, no voice recognition, no ring tones, etc. All those things I have come to appreciate and enjoy. I was however not going to go down without a fight. My mission should I choose to accept it; would be to scour the continent (mall) in search of the holy grail of phone chargers.

I had come to appreciate my phone, it was MY phone. I was the only one who had it, never had any problems with it and it got the job done 24/7. I had resisted for so long that it seemed like a slap in the face to have to go back now. I had to fight for my phones sake. I am worthless, but my phone is an antique. As you can see, this was more than just your standard lost charger, this could be the end of an ERA.

Anyway, I scoured the mall electronic shops and cell phone stores for my beloved charger. The floor monkeys would ask for a model # and I would reply "Model number 1 sparky, get outta my way and go help some 4 year old with his playbox or whatever it is"

Nonetheless, I was denied on all occasions. Which is quite an accomplishment, because there are at double the amount of cell phone stores in the mall than I thought going in there. Next time you are in the mall, you should check that out for yourself. They kinda go unnoticed. Anyway, on my way out I ran into a "kiosk" (see: rolling cart) in the middle of the mall. I figured I had nothing left to lose anymore since my life was over, so I asked the recently employed at "Big Jim's Choppers and Cars" mechanic, if he thought he could help me.

Eureka!

He didn't have it but he could order it for me. So now we play the waiting game........


So there is a former herion addict that lives above my office building. A very nice lady who has kind of cleaned up her life, but the jury still isn't out yet on that verdict. We need more evidence before that, but I think you would find the contents of her car very amusing. First of all, its a 1984 Plymouth Valient station wagon. The color is severly sundamged navy blue with a wire coat hanger as a radio antenna I shit you not. I can see into the back of it because this is before window tinting was invented. Inside there is: A monkey wrench, a parking cone, a rusty bathroom faucet, a bongo bat, a coloring book, some loose wire, a black grabage bag, 2 broken cd's, and a dustpan. (PS: probably the most disturbing photo hunt I have ever had, I feel kinda bad for making fun of them now)

I really really like the resurgence of glam rock these days. I was getting soooooo sick of the skater punk bands. Being a forever Scott Weiland, Trent Rez and Bono fan, the slummy skaters never got on my good side. Thank heavens for 30 seconds to Mars, my chemical romance, and all the other new bands coming out with the good stuff....finally. NIN, STP, Smashing Pumpkins, would be proud. I thought I was never gonna have new glam rock to add to my collection, but now that it is finally getting a foot hold again, I can sleep at night.

This weeks blogger is not neccessarily funny, but he seems like a bizarro me. As in if I had a twin who was just a little different than me and lived in Michigan, he would be him. Plus, he uses the word "epic" which is one of my favorite recent words along with "poopyshit" as one word.

This post written while listening to: 30 seconds to Mars "A Beautiful Lie"

It is....ALIIIVEEEEE!

hey sports fans, those that I have left anyway, sorry for such a long sabbatical. I got very busy with the local sports team and I had no room left in my very tiny pea brain for keeping blog thoughts. Nonetheless, I am back and in full attack. Expect to have your usual "at least once a week" post back in your daily routine. I find a lot of what I say redundant and I don't know how you put up with it, but just as I won't question Bea's sexual preference, I won't question success. Let the sleeping tiger sleep I guess.

In my daily pursuit of greatness, I often need to use an exorbinant amount of caffiene. Thus, I explore all options of coffee and energy drinks. It seems that new products come out as fast as I can consume them. It has lead me to wonder where it all started. We used to have folgers thorugh a peice of paper and be happy with that. Most will argue that this whole trend started with the explosion of Starbucks. However, coffee houses have been around for a pretty long time before Starbucks (which was a coffee house in Seattle turned franchise). Somehow, our culture demanded this to occur otherwise it would have never taken off. This "coffee style" made its way into the clothes/wine/cigar/food/cars lifestyle area and now we all want to be in the club. Somehow these days, you have to express yourself through your coffee. It is a cheap and easy way to be hip. All of sudden coffee is like wine with blends and aging and location growing. People all want to be coneseurs, and 3 dollars a cup doesn't seem to be too much to ask. Plus, with the addictive powers of caffiene, we can't help but be addicted to it. Coffee is the new cigarettes. Roll that one over in your brain for a little while. As a country, people need to be sold and we all think we can be something greater than we were. It's all part of what makes this country great and terrible. The belief that the oppertunity is out there and is a right protected by the government. We all think that something we buy can make us better than we are and that we deserve it, instead of how we feel and our compassion for others. It gets our selfish confidence up and we think that because we have "this" education, make "that" much money, and "drive" that car, and read "that" book, live in "that" area, and date "that" guy that we are some kind of elite and our opinions are somehow better and truer than even our own people. The freedom of individualism, like anything else has its pros and cons too.

Haha, like how I turned coffee into a discussion on socio-political America? Since I hate politics, lets not talk about coffee again.

This past month, I haven't been working out nearly as much as I should, but let this post be the declaration of the "Summer of S.Vincent". I intend to rebound like a super ball and jump back into my former self only greater than in the past. I think everyone tells themselves this, but never doubt a masochist when it comes to exercise. Little peice of advice for you.

Do you ever notice that people make a LOT of promises to themselves? I think happens like once a day for most people. I wonder what the success rate is on those? 1 out of 10? Someone should do a study and publish the results. Just everyday stuff like "I am going to get up at 6am and workout" or "before I watch TV, I'll do the dishes" or "after this commerical, I'll fold my laundry". I know that might be my success rate anyway.

For those of you iTunes people. I figured out how to put togethor an iMix and it is currently in the Music store for you to purchase. It is under the title of "Po-Vegas Mix". Now I will tell you that it is quite expensive considereing that it is a complete mix of the Mayors favorite tunes to date. But, you can browse it and maybe pick out some of your favorites. I may turn out a few more and keep you updated on those, since I know all you "starbucks/abercrombie/BMW" need to keep your egos up.

Whatever happened to flip-up head lights? Remember when those were all the rage back in the mid-late 80's? Someone should do that again on something other than a Miata, cause those were awesome.

Keep aware of the fact that one of my links is my blogger of the week. I will be changing that up as often as I can. A very entertaining way of keeping you further distracted from your responsibilities, after my blog has taken up some of your time.

This post written while listening to: The Po-Vegas iMix of course! (hahaha, I'll give you a new album next time)