be honest

I was doing a bit of working out this morning when wait a second......(looks left, looks right)......I think I just.........yeah.....I just had an idea.

I just had an unintended departure from my cell phone, and although I got new one with the same number, I have none of the numbers that used to be in my contact list. Common problem amoungst 20th century humans. Thus, there are a ton of facebook groups for people who have encountered the "lost cell phone, need your number" debacle. Somehow, people join these in an attempt to regain what was lost, but as we all know, you are doomed no matter what facebook group you join because a) you're lame for joining a group for that purpose and b) your friends are selfish and really do not care or read what facebook groups you join. 5 seconds to call and send you their number is 4 seconds too much.

However, my attempt to remedy this problem is to potentially make it more humerous and create a face book group called "HELP! I got really drunk and I gave my cell phone # to a fat/crazy/ugly person and I had to destroy my phone......now I need your number" I would like to see what kind of people join that group.

That scenario has to happen to a lot of people right? Anway, that's what I do on my saturday mornings; laugh to myself about inane ideas in the middle of a giant river. They are so much funnier out there, I swear......shut up, you're so jealous.

Just one more night

It's no mystery that I hate the phone. Consistent readers and friends and family know that I only answer the phone when I am expecting one of my 30 daily chicken wing deliveries. Actually, the reason why I never answer my phone isn't because I ignore specific calls, it's because I try not to keep it within a 1 mile radius of my actual person.

Reason why? I hate being bothered. I am a zen like creature. At peace in the the restings of my super intelligent brain. Pondering the creation of man, the meaning of religion, and why we drive on parkways and park on driveways and shit like that. When that terrorist technological device sounds its death tone, my tranquil state is disturbed, and when my T.S. is all messed up, you better get your heiney in the fetal position, boy.

So basically, I use a cell phone as a very tiny answering machine. Leave your pertinent info and I will get to it once I have separated the relationship between church and state. However......S.Vincent "Office Edition" v2.4 is a different entity all together. A menacing black phone is no less then 10 inches (or a "John Holmes") away from me, and I am a slave to it at all times. This being an inescapable truth, I have adapted with a set of behavioral instincts attached to it. I know a telemarketer from a mile away, I know how to navigate a touch tone menu to get to real person in under 20 seconds, I can end a conversation politely in under a minute and I know when you are reading from a script. But there is one thing that I am a sucker for..........Phil Collins Hold Music.

Go ahead, try to get frustrated, impatient, and angry when Phil is talking to ya. You can't do it, it's impossible. It's like when you are tearing into someone with the most colorful profanities imaginable and then.... a 4 year old boy with ice cream sandwich all over his face walks into the room. Suddenly, rage dissolves, impatience turns into calmness, and profanities transform into baby talk.

I know. You are thinking, "You're full of it" or "you're a pansy" or "how was that Celiene Dion concert you went to last night, you 50 year old woman!". But seriously, just try not to feel soothed by this English leprechaun.



There is evil genius at work here. Damn you Time Warner......

Oh, and the fantastic realization of the day is that if you Google Search "PoVegas", guess what the number one result is? You guessed it, YFYB......I'd like to thank you, the fans, for this incredibly small and irrelevant achievement in Internet history. See? And your mother said you'd never accomplish anything in life by surfing the net all day.

MA!!...... THE MEATLOAF!!!!! (you know you haven't seen it enough)