More Human than You man.

If you are Sarah McLachlan, don't read this post. Actually if you are Sarah McLachlan, call me and we'll talk about it and then I can blog about my phone call with Sarah.

I hate animals. I read Fuck You, Penguin everyday and laugh my sick little heiney off.

Now don't get all bent out of shape. I don't run around abusing dogs or kicking cats or make squirrels target practice for my slingshot. I would never harm an animal unless it's for food or self defense. So this isn't some "lets kill and mistreat animals" post. It's a "lets back off on how cool pets are" post.

The main reason for such an aggressive stance? I am allergic to them.......All of them. Every single breathing land creature besides a fellow human (but still stay away from me) shuts down my airways with severe asthma, causes non-stop sneezing, and painful itchy and watering eyes. This is not a cute little flower pollen allergy or hay fever. This looks and feels like the monkey disease from Outbreak. A prescribed super dose of anti-histamine, means instead of 5 minutes of reaction time to animal dander, it gets pushed to about 30 minutes of time.

Does that mean that one single person cares about my plight? Of course not. They only care about their own needs to have the mastery over a creature who's lifespan is shorter than a Twinkee. Someone to ACT excited when they come home. They think allergies are not THAT bad. Oh really? I may not hurt your cat, but I don't have a problem giving you a punch to the ribs and euthanizing your old ass at the vet.

Where's the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to S.Vincent? Where's my tear jerking montage? Where's the photos of me looking pitiful and helpless? Where's my self righteous rent-a-cop to come pull me out of a dangerous home?

This whole tirade was started by last weeks "Stuff you Should Know": How hypoallergenic cats work. Basically, there are a bunch of scientist messing around with cat genes and breeding to create a cat that doesn't secrete the fluid that causes an allergic reaction. They figured it out and they cost about 4 thousand dollars and isn't guaranteed to work. It's not exactly surprising news in a society where we tinker with just about everything. The surprising thing was that ONE THIRD of cat owners are allergic to cats......

WHAT!?! Read that ish again and tell me you are not flabbergasted. I have had enough with the whole love my pets charade.

I find it absolutely RIDICULOUS that people would put up with their allergies or take unnecessary allergy medicine for a flea bag cat. A piece of fur that rubs on your legs, shits in the corner of your house, makes your house stink, and throws hair all over the place.

In a world where we all have trouble feeding, walking, cleaning, and entertaining ourselves and possibly other human beings. WHY are we wasting our time with animals that make 33 percent of us sick? Cats are not cool. Animals are not cool. This is why we built houses and fences, people!
Fucking EVOLVE already! We invented the wheel and the gun and shoes and pizza. We're better than this! Stop being friends with animals because A) They don't love you, they love your food. Think I am wrong? Put yourself in a car with the door open, and then put a bowl of food 50 yards away from you. Put your hungry dog/cat on the 25 yard line and see where it goes. B) You're making me hate you and a snarling dog or a hissing cat has nothing on 170lbs of S.Vincent fury.

Plus I can climb your fuckin fence

A call to arms!

Some of you may think that I am being a little irrational here. That I am perhaps taking this stance too far. But stand against injustice, I must. Someone must have the courage to give voice to the meek. That person is me. And my stance?

truly equal treatment for people with moustache's.

Go ahead, laugh if you must. Get it all out of your system so we can get down to business. The business of hate and prejuidice. Serious shit right there.

Recently there was a powder keg of tension in the vehicle of a what was thought to be a harmless and humerous television advertisement. This ad can be seen here.....watch closely for the veiled bigotry.



sure! some of you are thinking, "whats the big deal, he's just trying to protect his daughter from pre-marital relations" Yes, I agree that it can be viewed that way OR it can be viewed the way it really is.

Notice in the beginning when he announces his new family plan that his "wife" is drawing a picture, she then states excitement to call Vivian. The name Vivian means "full of life" and in the art world that can only mean one thing.......adult entertainment.

Next, the middle aged son proclaims his excitement to call "skinny pete". Skinny Pete? Why is Pete so skinny and why would it be important to frequently call him? Maybe Pete is so skinny because HE'S A CRACK DEALER.

Then, the youngest son states that his father should be excited to call "the lady at my soccer games you always stare at". An open proclamation of infedility that neither the father nor the mother even flinch at. Great job at keeping the family togethor DAD.

Finally, we get to the sweet young girl who is excited to spend some time talking to Derek. Derek who is older and wiser than her. Derek who has a steady enough income to afford quality and stylish American motor cars and has introduced himself to the father while courting his daughter.

Daddy throws the breaks down on this guy? Why? He allowed an adult entertainer, a crack dealer, and his mistress to be involved in the "family plan" but not newly upstanding suitor Mr. Derek. I'll tell you why, he simply has some hair growing on his upper lip, thats why. And for some reason, this makes Derek a second class citizen. Is this what we want to teach our children? That people who are different from us deserve to be mocked and single for the rest of their lives?

We need to change America. This open-season on moustache hatred has got to GO. It's a real sad sign of our culture that we can not get past this and I can't for-see us breaking out of this economic depression untill we change the way we think and act.

Do you know who the last president was to have a moustache? Theodore "teddy" Roosevelt.....I'm pretty sure that he has his face on a little ol mountain in south dakota next to some other pretty nice guys. My how the mighty have fallen...

(single tear)

Tuck tail and run

Listen, if you make a big stinky mess in a bathroom. Don't close the door and run........just run. I understand the need to rid yourself of the responsibility of your EPA violating rear end; but closing and running doesn't make the problem go away. It just nails the next person to go in there, i.e. S.Vincent, since I pee like 50 times a day. You have a much better chance of escaping un-marked if you do so because you better believe the whole time I am trapped in there, I am turning my gears trying to think of who it was that went to the bathroom last. And I am VERY observant!

You'll be just as safe in your anonymity, trust me. Flush, run, and leave the door open as you go.

is it racist to say Indian Summer?

A little warning from your friendly neighberhood S.Vincent that the end summer is near. For the students, teachers, and parents out there it may appear that it is already over because school is back in session. A tragedy of a corrupt system!
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I have lobbied for several years for a social revoloution in regards to the perception that summer is over when classes start. I feel this illusion of the end of summer fun and the start of fall misery is an unfair principle put in place by the un-bearable "education and family" facists who believe their lives, which revolve around being in a prison of commitment and ideals, should apply to all of humanity. Well, I have got news for you facists; the calender, earth, God, and weather all say summer isn't over till the 23rd of September. Therefore, there is still plenty of time to have fun in the nice weather, go on a vacation, sit in the park eating delicious sandwiches, drive with the top down, watch baseball during the day, wear flip flops, and not give a general damn. Personally, I have a problem with anyone who thinks they are holier than thou, but whose life goals only really apply September to May. If their ideals held any real substance, they would be working on them full time, but thats another complaint for another day.
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So.....get out there and live it up for another 3 weeks. "Summer isn't over till its over, ya miserable facists!" I'm not entirely sure why the term "Indian Summer" is applied to summer weather that lasts into the fall, but I like to think it's because the Native Americans were intuitive enough to know that summer was over when it stopped being hot outside, rather than when some jerk-off told them summer was over.
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This message brought to you by supporters of S.Vincent for Emperor '08
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This post written while listening to: Stereophonics "Dakota"