My allergies are acting up

Before I get to the main topic, a quick multiple choice question. The answer will be at the end of the post.

Q: Concerning the garbage can on the street in front of my office, I have seen which of the following

A) a little brother of someone, stuck upside down

B) drugs stashed before cops make arrest

C) a dead cat

D) A homeless person retrieve a can, and drink the contents inside

E) All of the above


Now, there is never any excuse for a man to cry during a movie. NONE WHAT-SO-EVER! A man's superiority over a woman has not to do with his intelligence or his strength, for even those are somewhat fallable under the right circumstances. It has to do with our ability to mentally focus and stay cool under pressure. We have control over our emotions; women find getting socks to match their outfits distressing. We can not allow ourselves to get wrapped up in such girly things.

However, there may be some movies that may come close to trigger this response in a man, in which we will all agree to look the other way and chalk up the response under allergies. I find that a lot of these movies are ones that girls may not understand why a guy would have such allergies. Mostly the response comes on the realization of a great achievement in the film. A woman has never accomplished anything, so obviously they have no idea what the correct response for that emotion is. (snickering to self, deviously)

Here is the list of Manly "allergy" films, feel free to comment and submit your own films for consideration. You can never really have enough time to go over all the movies you've seen. I left out Braveheart, cause thats old to me now. Sorry, but I can't consider it anymore.

Rocky I and Rocky II: These are the only ones where it is okay. In the following 2 (there was no 5) the conclusions are to be expected and therefore you have plenty of time to man up and grasp the moment. In the first one, the "I love you" moment is great and maybe even stronger in number 2 where he says "I just got one thing to say to my wife and kid back home, Yo adrien, I did it" Wow, anybody got any benedril, my allergies are fierce during these movies.

Shawshank Redemption: The moment on this one tends to fade the more times I see it, at the end when Red is walking on the beach towards Andy. Thats a good movie right there, should have been a best picture if not for........

Forrest Gump: May be the best movie I have ever seen. Forrests grave side speech next to Jenny is the real clincher, but bubba dying was hard too, as well as when Forrest sees his son for the first time. I try to watch this as little as I can to keep the moments feeling fresh

Hoosiers: Along with Rocky, this may be the best sports movie ever made. The montage at the end with the "I love you guys" finish is classic. For some reason, I find a lot of people haven't seen this, but its a real sports fans and athletes movie.

Rudy: This movie tends to wear on me a little bit, but you can't fake a moment like when every member of the team threatens to quit if Rudy doesn't play or when he finally gets into Notre Dame reading his acceptance letter out loud by the river. Thats good acting on Astin's part, even if he can seem like a twerp at times.

Regarding Henry: Another movie a lot of people haven't seen. Its about man who changes after a horrible accident from a superficial jerk to an honest good person. This is a great film and I think Harrison fords finest acting performance, rent it. I don't have the space to talk about all the real world values and life lessons it teaches you.

Field of Dreams: "Hey dad, wanna play catch?" In fact, if you don't cry during that part, go see a doctor or therapist.

Memphis Belle: Singing Amazing grace while their plane is choking into the airfield and then finally touching down. A good guys movie. Girls will watch it for all the hot stars, but they don't understand the male bonding.

Million Dollar Baby: Damn you Morgan Freeman, did it to me again. Gotta love using Clint as a tough guy decoy. Hard movie to watch, and its harshness is almost too much, but a good film with a real life edge to it. Plus, I am a sucker for boxing.

Terminator 2: Just kidding



This Post written while listening to: Counting Crows "August and Everything After"


Answer to Multiple Choice: E

Post Pumpkin Day

I know, I know. Some of you think that yesterday was Thanksgiving. However, I have given up on that holiday. No one is ever thankful for anything anymore, and the patron saint of thanksgiving, St. Turkey, is overhyped and over used. I have turkey everyday of my life, why would I be excited about having it on another day? However, there is hope for the intelligent and elightened amoung us. Join me on a quest to change the past its prime "Thanksgiving", and turning it into a new fresh holiday with tremendous upside. Thats right, I'm talking about that underground fruit(its got seeds, so it is, ask your elementary school teacher) thats all the rage, the magnificent Pumpkin. It's a much more politically correct holiday with no animal abuse or sketchy history involving Native Americans and Puritans. Obviously the puppies are on board, so that means lots of hot chicks for all you guys out there (some of you girls too). Come on, I'm signing, you're signing, we're all signing. (got it....looks like o-needers)

I love pumpkins and this Pumpkin Day I celebrated in true fashion by having an assortment of pumpkin goodies. The list includes Pumpkin Spice coffee, Pumpkin Muffin, Pumpkin Donut, Pumpkin Milkshake, Pumpkin Bread, Pumpkin Bars, Pumpkin Cheesecake, Pumpkin Soup, Pumpkin candy corn, and of course......Pumpkin Pie. I was on the lookout for some pumpkin ice cream cause I know that is out there too, but I couldn't find any in the supermarkets I looked for.

Pumpkin is also a really great nickname to show affection......"Hey Pumpkin!". Obviously, the pumpkin is a very emotional fruit to our society, and yet somehow, we never seem to fully exploit its powers, and I feel we need to make bigger deal of it than just a complementary item for the season. It should be the reason the season exists! Think of how devistated you would be wihtout the pumpkin this time of year.

Black Friday is called black friday because retailers typically move out of the red accounting figures(showing a loss in profits) and into the black figures (showing a profit) from Friday till the end of the season.

Jewel cases for cd's are stupid. They should be nice heavy duty cardboard sleeves like the used to have for records. I don't really understand why they exist. They take up way too much space and always break. They have to be more expensive than the cardboard option too. Now DVD's come in even bigger jewel cases. Stop the madness!

I ordered a dunk and donuts coffee light and sweet for the first time ever. I now have type 2 diabetes.

Polaroid photos scare me. They are like pictures from hell. The appear out of blackness and the pictures are always kinda sketchy and they never seem real. The colors are always kinda off and the focus is real fuzzy. I think they are snapshots through the devils eyes. I bet if you wait long enough goblins and demons appear.

I watched this documentary called "Thin" the other night about a hospital for eating disorders and the people who live and work there. The obvious plot of the documentary was the hopelessness of the patients situation and to give an inside look at the enormous task of overcoming an eating disorder. I'm not sure if this ever crossed the directors eye, but the thing that was most intriguing to me about the movie was the relationship between the obese nurses and the paper thin girls.Whats ironic about the film is that both groups are killing themselves with food related activities, but only one of the groups is in the hospital. Can you imagine what the obese nurses must look like to the patients? That would be like being treated for lung cancer by a doctor who walks in smoking, or for alcoholism by the local bar owner. The dynamic between them was uncanny. It was the most hopeless and unproductive use of money, time, hard work, and emotion I have ever seen.

Gym Rule: Speaking of food......If you put the Food Network on the TV while you are running on the treadmill, you better be a chef. Otherwise, I get to pull down your pants while you are running so you fall and get mill burn on your ass.

This post written while listening to: Clap your Hands Say Yeah (self titled album)

Return of the Mack!

Your friends were not lying to you. S.Vincent is back on the streets working the keyboard. I'm feeling a little rusty so you might have to give me a few posts to get back into the groove, but with a proper warm-up, stretching, and a dab of WD-40; I should slide back in like I never left. After all, me is me and I love me some me.

These past few months I've been plenty busy and truthfully I didn't want to subject you to lame posts. There is already one Alex Bea in cyber space and that's one too many. You can have faith that I still thought about you all while I was away and understand if you had to move on to bigger and bettter blogs.

There has been plenty to write about that I could rehash for you, such as Lance running the marathon, the yankees kicking me in the stomach....again, Krispy Kreme pumpkin spice donuts, Halloween in Poughkeepsie (we don't be needin no pumpkin!) and how awesome The Departed was.

None of these topics have been burning a hole in my fingertips quite like the P.Diddy ProActive commerical though. I have only seen it twice, so I'm afraid you may be out of luck to see it for yourself. However, the holidays are coming and nothing says Christmas quite like nerds begging their parents for overpriced acne meds. I wouldn't be surprised to see it re-surface. I couldn't even find the original on youtube, but I did find an interesting verison involving a intoxicated P.Diddy.

Anyway, the best part of the original verison is when P.Diddy proudly exclaims "It moisturizes my situation, and enhances my sexy" You gotta love that. I have spent everyday since proclaiming that objects from muffins to water to homeless people "moisturize my situation and enhance my sexy" When people ask what I am doing during the upcoming weekend? ......"enhancing my sexy". Frankly, when shouldn't you be "enhancing your sexy"? The answer:.....Never.

Gym Rule: Use your inside voice! If you are a chatty kathy in the gym who spends more time working your mouth instead of your muscle, keep it down. I know that you are super excited how many underage chicks you talked to, how drunk you were, how much she wants you, what kind of NOS system you have in your Mitsubishi, and how much mass you've gained in the past 3 months; but, do try to keep it between you and whatever unfourtunate slob you managed to trap. Some of us get distracted by our own thoughts about where you rank on the "biggest douche in a 50 mile radius" list whenever you talk, and we can't focus on our actual workouts. Unlike your 3 sets of bench press in 90 minutes workout.


This Post written while listening to: Beck "The Information"

Blogging......unplugged

Going to run this post without any notes. Are you a little scared? Did you just release your bowels a little bit? No? Well I guess this blog is more important to me than it is to you.

Had another weekend up at the Brant Lake Sanitarium. The rowing up there is so awesome. Unfourtunatly, my diet gets shot to shit every time I go up there and I start back at square Zero when I get back weight wise. Thus I may have to stop those trips because they do just as much harm as good. There are some good Clarkey-o-graphs in the link from that weekend. It rained the whole time, but I'm usually not up there for the weather. The good news about that is it keeps the powerboats off the water and leaves it for the psychos to romp on. So I need to get back under my hat, so to speak, and row better and not worry so much about whether I enjoy my days. Life is not as easy as it used to be and I need to heed my own advice about performance. Get back to following my own values instead of just creating them. Thank you doctor, that'll be all for this week. (I'll be damned if I don't sound like a fat John Basedow)

The summer is ending soon. Isn't it funny how the summer is determined by the facist U.S school system? Summer is definitly not over till the end of september, but just because a majority of people have to go back to school in a few days, the summer is "over" to just about everyone. Crock of horse doo-doo if you ask me. Therefore, join me in a revolution of not considering summer over untill the First day of fall, which is on September 23rd.

So they put a starbucks in my grocery store. Normally I would be excited for such a development that allows me to keep my caffiene levels abnormally high in abnormal situations. However, I question the need for one, and apparently, so does the public. Who needs coffee in the 20 mins they spend at the grocery store? Apparently I am not alone since I have never seen anyone at the coffee stand. I think maybe they should advertise outside of the store that there is a full service starbucks inside the store. Anyway, I just feel sorry for the people who work there that are bound to be fired soon unless they attract more customers. Oh well, anyone with the job title of "barista" deserves to have some drama in their life as to employment. Plus, they didn't hire me when I applied for a job in college, so they can go straight to hell with a burning hot coffee enemas for all I care.

This post written while listening to: Boy Kill Boy "Civilian"

It's not a boat, it's a nylon covered WMD

Lets start off by saying that I originally wrote this whole thing on Monday. I put the finishing touches on it, was doing a little editing and adding some fantabulous photos; when the power went out. Of course I didn't save it as a draft but who would know that my 25 year fued with Thomas Edison would bite me in the fantabulous tooshey on that day. Anyway, I'll try to re-create as best I can but, no guarantees.

So I finally got my single up to the family lake-house after 2 years of procrastination. I knew when I first started rowing that the lake would be the perfect place to row. It has everything a rower dreams of: protection from wind, fresh water, 6 miles of water, very few powerboats. Its the sort of place I would like to live with a big scary black man to tell me I sucked and was weak with a some rusty weights and a boat and 400 cans of Tuna and carve myself out of stone. But, I don't know any black people and I hate tuna. In any case, I loaded my suspicious looking boat on top of my car, took out a loan to fill the tank with gas, put my turban on, and pointed her north.

The trip was all I knew it would be, and if you are a rower reading this, I plan on going up there every weekend I can for a little while. Give me a buzz and I'll cart you up for 20 bucks worth of gas money. The house is on the other end of the lake in this photo. I highly suggest that you go on long trips by yourself in a car if you have the means. Its a great way to clear your head. I find myself often reverting to thinking about the unanswerables. Questions like "If I lived in X, would my life be better?" "If I had different parents, how different would I be?" "What is the meaning of life?" "Could I survive in the wilderness if I had to?" "How strange would it be to have kids?" All of those things that have no answers, just random head ramblings that create more questions and even fewer answers. I try to stay away from these thoughts because they make me sleepy and distract me making a mental "top 50 best candy" list in my head.

I hate it when people ask: "Whats the most embarassing thing thats ever happened to you?" I answer that with "When I discussed all the asanine stories that I never want to relive again to people I barely know who will use it to make judgements against me and still doesn't make me feel any better about what happened"

Is there anything more disarming then a naked person? Can you imagine a situation in which you would have no idea what to say or do for about 25 seconds? When I rob a bank and need a place to hide out, I'm going to hi-jack a house naked because that would give me the time to ju-jitsu chop the homeowner and tie him up in the closet.

I think its great that Jason Giambi is growing a dirty little mustache. I can see no negatives to this development. If there is anyone on that team that needs one, its the Giambino. They only thing that could make it better is if the dugout camera spots him and Sal Fasano eating pizza in the dugout, wearing their hats backwards, and giving wedgies to Melky Cabrera.

If you are taking long drives and you start to feel sleepy, I have a solution for you. I call it the "Stay Awake Shake". This entails shaking your head back and forth horizontally in small arcs as fast as you can for about 20-30 seconds. Think of shaking your head to signifify the "no" response. The small arcs allow you to keep your eyes on the road, and will rattle your brain enough to get you to the next rest stop for red bulls and 50 jumping jacks.

On this weekend's trip, I saw an Alaska license plate. I wish I still had my travel book from when I was 10, that sucker would have been worth like 50 points.

This Post written while listening to: Depeche Mode "Music for the Masses"

Look under the rock; thats where I am.

Ah yes, the not-so graceful return. Truthfully, I've been hiding ever since the Floyd Landis debacle blew up in my face. Oh well, I'm not that ashamed. How was I supposed to know right? Apparently, Floyd didn't even know. Thus, the world of cycling rears its ugly head again, and hits me when I am down. I gotta admit, I'm surprised that it happened in the way it happened and that it was for testosterone. All this strangeness keeps my eye on it. I've been the first one to believe Lance Armstrong doping rumors and I can't make an exception for Floyd. In sports these days, doping works on the where there is smoke there is fire principle.

Enough about the cruel loss of innocence for my sporting hero's, lets talk about some real hero's: Sonny Crockett, Rico Tubbs, and Ricky Bobby! Both movies were good and I recommend seeing if you got some spare dough laying around. Miami Vice was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be even though Colin Farrell is 0-10 on proving he can act. The movie was too different from the show in order to really classify it as ruining the mood. It was more like an action flick that happened to be called Miami Vice with same-named characters. It did not feature re-made songs like I thought it would, and actually had some awesome new jams from one of my fav bands Audioslave which makes me heavily anticipate the release of that album in early September. Lots of cool cars, gun fights, boats, and exotic scenary. Don't rush to see it, but if you're stuck in the mall with a few spare hours to kill, you're not wasting money.

Vrrrrrooooooom!...............F!. Ha, a little inside joke for those of you who know the webpage, but not for Talladega Nights. It was a very funny movie featuring plenty of racing inspired humor. Not nearly as over-rated/over-done Blue Collar TV-esque, as I thought it would be. I wish I could remember some of the jokes, but it came at me in flurry a little too much for my vintage 1981 processor to handle. I can easily see this being my next Anchorman debacle in which I live a couple weeks in automated Talladega Nights response mode. I just have to see it like 3 more times. If you are a person who races other people in anything, you'll like Talladega Nights. If you close your eyes, you hear the exact same voice that Will Ferrell would use for George Bush back in the SNL days.

Gym Rules: Hey Ari, workout at home if you need to be instantly available 24/7. I forgot the very obvious, no cell phones rule. This is so obvious, that it took me a good 6 posts to remember. I don't know what else there is to say on this. I think people who do this know they are douchebags so its not like I convince them otherwise. Just understand that when I hock a protein rich loughey at you, you deserve it and must say "Thank you sir, may I have another"

ATTENNNNNNTION!....Poser! If you are not in the military currently, served in the past, or part of a body combat instructional group (meliss), or going way over the line in a paintball match.....No camo or dog tags allowed. You are not a soldier of fortune, a soldier of pain, or a soldier of anything by wearing military garb. You like the army?, then join and offer to get your head blown off for your country. Otherwise you look like a wanna-be punk defacing the value of your more dedicated countrymen.


PS: its peanutbutta jelly time, peanutbutta jelly time, peanutbutta jelly time


This post written while listening to: The Pretenders "The Singles"

I can feel it, coming in the air tonight........hold on

Oh baby I'm fricken' PUMPED! The unfourtunate thing is that it will invariably spoil this movie for me. There are two things wrong with it as I see it. One, they have been using re-makes of some of the classic songs. Can someone explain to me whats wrong with the originals? What's next, re-doing "Jeremy" by Pearl Jam? "Teen Spirit" by Nirvana? "..Streets..." by U2?

The second is that it is modernized for todays time period. I think they failed to realize that 99% of the Miami Vice generation still exists and loves the show as it was. Rather than take a chance on getting some new viewers and failing, why not concentrate on not spoiling it for the old ones. Miami Vice WAS the 80's, it caught lightening in a bottle from the fashion to the music to the cars and the cool city to be. You can't re-create that, you can only re-present it to the public and hope they remember how cool it was. Modernizing Miami Vice is as risky as trying to modernize "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air". You can't re-create the enthusiasm for Lamborghini's and Cigarette Boats, because no one had ever seen them before this show. Now they are common place. Back then; there were 10 channels and rotary phones, so you could open eyes with amazment a little easier than the instant information era.

I re-watched the pilot episode and as Bill Simmons already pointed out, I still get chills when Crocket pulls over to the pay-phone to the opening riff of "In the Air Tonight" on their way to a deteriorating undercover rendezvoux and says:

"Caroline, I just gotta ask you something. Me and you, not how we are now,........but then.....it was real right?"

I'm still going to see it and hope. I think Jamie Fox and Colin Farrell are excellent choices, but I think we may be dealing with a doomed scenario.

Gym Rule: Hey Nick and Jessica, take it outside. Canoodling and baby talk makes everyone sick in 9 out of 10 situations. You're not on a crowded street, you're in the gym. So lets keep the foreplay for the bedroom before I spray lysol on you and have Capt. Bacne show you what real love is.

New blogger of the week finally posted. I like these photo blogs, they are kinda fun to look at cause reading can be a pain in the ass all day. It's a picture book for you mental midgets out there.

"Yeah Sonny, it was real"

This Post Written While Listening To: O.A.R "Risen"

The Anti-Lance

I hate to turn this into a Lance bash, but after re-watching this stage that I ended up staying home from work for to see, it had to be done. You see, it's not that I hate Lance Armstrong, I hate the character. I don't know Lance personally but I do know cycling and the tour and what an athlete is. I hate what Lance made this sport and the mindless way in which he got the masses to follow the hype. I hate that he was first and that he did it in such a way that Americans will never know what this tour is really about. He changed everything, but for the worse, and he brought America with him.

If you're a baseball fan, he's Alex Rodriguez. Except theres no NY media to rip him apart that knows what cycling is. I love that he's turned his fame into a way to raise money for cancer. I think however, that its the only great thing that he's done.

You see, Lance is a phoney winner. He won the tour so many times because he owns his own team and solely focused on the Tour. Like a child who has the only Nintendo in the neighberhood and plays super mario brothers all day and then is smug about beating you in it when he invites you over. It was amazing the first time, but even then it was a mental win. Not the type of drama a 21 day race is supposed to have. Lance won by playing with his calculator more than anyone. He deserved to win, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. Thus, the reason why everyone in Europe despises him for turning their race into a math contest instead of the rolling soap opera it used to be. The reason why the french hate him is not because he won their stupid race, but because he won it in the wrong way; with his head instead of his heart.

Today, the fans were awoken from their coma, and Floyd Landis on Stage 17 was the adrenaline shot to the heart via Pulp Fiction. On stage 16, Floyd was stricken by dehydration and got dropped back over 8 minutes from the lead. This is a tour death sentence, so much so that everyone made that the story of how unfourtunate it was the Floyd's last tour would lost in such a demoralizing manner rather than a real shot to win. You see, Floyd has a hip that is so damaged from being broken, that he needs a hip replacement after this race. As you can imagine the pain is excruciating. Did I mention that no one has come back from this surgery to continue a professional riding career? Yeah, lance was lucky to escape from cancer, no doubt, however no one would argue that he was 100% healthy when riding. No one would argue that at best Floyd is at 75%. When Floyd charged down that last descent to the finish line, after having the lead for almost 4 hours and regaining almost all of his time lost from his bonk on stage 16, the fans gasped for air, clutched the 400cc needle in their heart and let out a big "holy SHIT!"

Floyd was just plain angry. Sick of armstrongs shadow, sick of the sympathy, sick of himself, sick of playing by the "rules" laid out by the former 7 time winner. Heres why he was so different from lance. He attacked with a reckless abandon. Lance has never taken a shit without planning for it 48 hours in advance with 6 coaches, pre-planned toilet paper, flushing the toilet 5 times before he goes, and a special Lance yellow airhorn to announce that the bowel movement will begin. Floyd didn't give a cocky look back at the competition to say he was going, he didn't wait for his team mates to help him, and everyone and my grandmother didn't know he was going. Lance won by going when everyone else was weak. He never challenged anyone, just waited until they were tired and then rode away. Thus, I watched almost no tour coverage from 2002 -2005. I couldn't take the boredom of watching the peloton ride around France for a month with nothing happening in the standings. The tours would go like like this......Armstrong places 2nd, 3rd, 15, 14, 10, 20, 3rd in a mountain stage to take yellow. Then rides in the peloton for 3 weeks.

Floyd won on an attack from the main field that started from the first pedal stroke. Lance has never done that. Never shown that kind of dominance for that long. Floyd was emotionally destroyed on stage 16. There is no way that any rational athlete would think that he could do anything after your body getting ravaged by a bonk the day before. Somehow Floyd put it all behind him and rode away from the best riders in the world, by himself, for over 5 hours. When he crossed the line, he looked pissed, not happy, not lance stone faced. He raised the most tightly wound fist I have ever seen. It was beautiful. Lance's performances never made me want to cry, Floyds stage 17 did. The greatest stage I have ever seen since LeMonds time trial in 89. Some cyclist are calling it the greatest stage ever seen: a miracle. I don't know about that, but the tour is 100 years old, and I'm only 24.

Unfourtunatly, I can't bring the drama of the Tour to the masses. No one can put something with so much history and personal experience by just words on a page. It would be like trying to explain what High School is like to person who was home-schooled and vice versa. However, what I hope the 2 people who browse through this rambling can take away is that Floyd Landis returned real cycling to the fans from the grips of The Armstrong Law. Whats more fun, a guy with all the tools and physiology winning by :30 secs? Or a guy with a broken hip, disadvantged with a sub-par team, winning by :10? To me, that's a cyclist. A dashing, reckless, noble, fear-less warrior.......aka an Anti-Lance.

Now: no more cycling posts after this, I swear.

Oh Phil, you sweet little english muffin.

Ever since that phoney Lance Armstrong has left, the tour has been great. It's wide open heading into the mountains and I've finally found myself interested in this awesome event again. One of my hero's from the past is this guy on the left. Italian super sprinter Mario Cippolini. He's He actually holds the record for most Tour stage wins. However, he may be the best styled athlete of all time. Which is why I really respect him still even though he retired about a year ago. If you ever wonder why I wear crazy stuff when I work out and care more about how I look then, than at a wedding (even my own someday), he is the reason why. He was like a rolling fashion show; the bikes, the outfits, the sunglasses, he had it all. He's nafarious for breaking uniform regulations (bet your surprised to find out they have them), but when he would suddenly come stamping out of a about 150 riders in a straight away you knew it was over. I am comfortable enough in my own sexuality to say he may be the most attractive man I have ever seen. I wish I could quit you Mario. Anyway, here are some other pics of "The Lion King". #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7. Hes the real missed rider on the tour that retired, not Lance Over-hypedstrong. Mario was vain and pompous and he wasn't ashamed to be that way and show it in the way he rode and dressed. Lance thought he was a humble warrior when the opposite was true.

Although Mario is gone, there is one tour figure that still is performing at the top of his game. Sweet Phil Ligget. He might be the best announcer and play by play man in sports. So much so, that he is the only choice for anything done on two wheels. I can't tell you how many naps sweet phil has caused me on the weekends while I watch the tour, only to gently wake me up with his voice somehow when things get interesting.

Now, hopefully I can reconstruct what little faith you have in my hetero-ness with this smokin hot pic.....Better? No, don't thank me, thank Rebecca.

You know what would be the coolest thing? If there was a surprise national holiday. A long weekend that would be released on a Thursday at 5pm to the public by the president. Just a random weekend that no one would know about. Kind of like an adult snow day. Wouldn't that be cool? Vote for S.Vincent in '08.

Gym Rule: Hey Arnold, no posing till you get some muscle. This especially goes for parts that you have take clothes off to reveal. The number one offender on this is abs. Some fart knockers with one ab feel the need to show it off while he is doing bench press inbetween sets. Put your effin dough away pillsbury boy. You got a mirror at home that you can bop your bishop to, you're grossing the rest of us out with your lack of any discernable definition.

Late edit: I just noticed that Jason Giambi, Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire, and Rafeal Palmero all wear number 25. Is that way too coincidental or what?


This post written while listening to: Elliot Smith "XO"

Back to Back To Back AAU National Champions

I'm not even going to explain this if you don't know what it is. But for those who do, can you imagine any better statement to entice you to buy something than this? I don't even coach this sport and I want to buy it because it might have the secret to world peace, the location of the holy grail, and whether or not Lindsay Lohan got a boob job or not all in one video. Plus, The crime dog endorses it. I'm not even going to ask how much, my soul you say? So be it, I need this video.

I know this is a time for Americans to be American and eat apple pie with melted slices of american cheese on it and shoot guns and slander politicians, foreign countries, religous figures or whatever it is that an American is supposed to do, but I may have to throw a few malicious words at the worst state of the union.....New Jersey.

I know I know, its not that bad (as people from NJ would say) but when you come from the best area in the entire world, NJ seems so fricken annoying. I have to travel down there a lot because our major supplier for my company is located there. Just getting on the exit is a sign that (as my homey friends would say) "shitt is effed up holmes". It's the type of exit that the right hand lane just becomes the NJ turnpike and you can bet your pink slip that some drunk old lady (aka: anyone with a yellow plate) is going to come flying there at the last second and/or swerve out of it at the last second. When you cross the state line (Welcome to the Garden State!) you can feel that your life just took a step down the evoloutionary ladder. It's like when you find yourself eating food off the floor or watching an original MTV program; one of those self reflecting "its come down to this?" type moments.

Speaking of NJ, when is it going to take responsibility for the fact that it's foster child, Long Island, has been mooching of us for too long now. I know we agreed to take it off your hands for a little while so NJ could maybe clean itself up, get off the drugs and get a job, but its obvious that NJ is hopeless. So take your delinquint mutt back already, its obvious it doesn't belong to NY. (I got this pic while searching for pics of LI, you can't make this stuff up, its really LI)

New Gym Rule: If Droz was a member, he would tell you "Don't be that guy". The t-shirt that the gym gave you has no place on your body while you are at the gym that gave it to you. It's to be a last resort t-shirt only. Like, if all your other clothes have asbestos fibers on them. Try to be original for once in your life and pretend like this isn't your first time inside a gym, have some class.

This Post Written While Listening to: My Morning Jacket "At Dawn"